Our Relationship Was Just Friends With Benefits But My Feelings Have Changed
I am a single mother of a four year old boy. Not by choice but I been in a toxic relationship for six years. We love each other but the flirting and fighting was on another level. When I got pregnant, we had to get married but that made things worse.
The marriage barely made it to two years. We separated when my son was two years old. My husband was refusing to sign the divorce papers but he still was sleeping with all manners of sluts. The court had to take matters into their hands when they saw he was just dragging his feet when he was not willing to change after a long time of therapy.
I got my freedom from him about two years ago but I been so messed up that I still find myself in love with this man…I had to do something drastic to get him out of my system. I went clubbing and carefully met with a stranger and asked him for s*x.
My stranger man was a shocker…a surprise…it became a relationship of friends with benefits…we never visited each other…we were just two horny adults having mad fun in hotels and motels. I did not know such fun existed.
This actually helped me forget my ex husband. I was happily single. Which is fine cos I need to move on with my life. Well, my friend was great until a woman called my line and cursed me and asked me to leave her boyfriend. I decided to end the relationship since my friend was not so single as he claimed.
But he is not backing down. He said he is also in a no strings relationship with that other lady…and he showed me messages they exchanged to prove it. I know I should not expect him to be faithful to only me cos our relationship is nothing but about s*x but I am extremely jealous of the thought of him being with another woman.
I told him it was over…I cut him off…blocked his lines…somehow, he found my office contact address and showed up at my place of work. Against my initial plan…we ended up shagging at a hotel that night…he blurted out that he was in love with me…I stupidly said I was in love with him too.
Since then, our relationship has blossomed…intimacy is on the next level…never felt this kind of crazy love all my life…and that is truly scaring me…no….I have not asked him if he is still seeing other girls cos he might lie to please me…I really do not trust that he is monogamous with me…I want to ask him but I am scared…
Scared of what I know might be true…scared that would mess me up just like my ex…why do I always find myself attracted to bad boys? He loves me and takes very good care of me…and my son…but I see him on the phone and I am suspicious…is it time to ask him if we are exclusive?
Can I ask him to be exclusive for me? will he do that? My emotions are just tormenting me. I tried to tell him that I love him so much that I cannot bear the thought of sharing him with any other woman….just to see how he will respond…and his response was: any other woman does not come close to you….you are the real deal…
So yes…that may just be the confirmation…there could be other women…but maybe I am the one he truly cares about? Or a I fooling myself? How do I prevent myself from getting messed up and hurt again…I am trying to give myself reasons to end this relationship but it appears I am weak and totally in love…my will power is weak…
Please help me…I want him to love only me…to be with only me…I want exclusivity…how do I communicate that to him…do you think someone who is used to the lifestyle will ever be exclusive? Has anyone tried to love someone like this and did it truly work out to be exclusive in the end?
Our relationship is going strong…almost one year now…maybe I should give it more time…see where things go…I know he loves me…it really feels different…this love…Or am I wasting my time …wishing for the impossible…not many options are there for single mothers you know….
Sometimes I feel like I entered from frying pan to fire…but sometimes I tell myself this will be different…maybe if he loves me enough…we could actually have an exclusive relationship…do you think I should ask him…maybe he will actually try if he truly loves me…?
Anonymous
Photo Credit:vibe
Ask him
I think you are making the same mistake as your previous relationship.
Yes this new guy may like you but he is clearly not a one woman man. If you stick with him then be ready to carry all that comes with him.
Don’t get carried away and start expecting too much.
If you are looking for love, then love yourself. Love yourself enough to be appreciated by someone who truly loves you. Give your son the best. Having other men involved in your son’s life is not a good idea. Your son needs stability. Don’t get him involved with your love entanglements.
I think you need a clear head to reason all these out. Why don’t you tell your lover what you want and see if he is on the same page as you. But either ways be ready for polygamy with him.
Try asking him n see his reactions.
My dear sister, I will be brutally and unapologetically honest with you, you need SERIOUS HELP..this generation and S.e.xual immorality.. I really pity you. You said you haven’t felt this kind of love before…of cos you haven’t, cos the S.e.xual enjoyment, squirting,blow jobs, oral S.e.x…you are deluded and under spiritual bondage, S.e.x has damaged your sense of reasoning, you even said why are attracted to bad boys, my dear sister…I love you so much so im being honest, you want him to love only you, a fornicator like you who you know sleeps with other ladies just for S.e.x…sister you are deluded..I mean seriously deluded. I advise you repent from your sins and live a Godly life, S.e.xual immorality will LAND YOU IN HELL. Whether you believe or not its true, S.e.xual sins takes people to hell faster than any other sin. I love you Sister. I am Akin
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