True Life Story: Be Careful How You Help Others-How A Single Mother Took Advantage Of Me & My Husband
Dear Lively Stones,
One of my husband’s tenants (a single mother) came to cry to me that my husband gave her quit notice. And being a single mother with 3 children, I have compassion for her, so I started begging hubby to please leave her, not to pay the new amount to rent one of our shops in our plaza. When I begged hubby, he vehemently refused, saying its business and not about sentiments. This woman cried and cried that she could not pay the new rent, I had to offer to borrow her 100k, to try to look for the rest to make up the new rent.
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After a couple of months, the woman told me she was able to raise the new rate and she has paid. She promised to pay me back my 100k, I told her to take her time. As God would have it, I met another tenant of ours, my town’s man, from the same Kwara state as myself…we were just gisting, when I asked him how business was going and how he managed to pay for the new rent increase…he was like, what rent increase? I was like…were you not given a rent increase like all tenants? He said no. This prompted me to ask the other tenants and they all said no too.
So, I went back to this single mother. I asked her why she was the only one who got a rent increase…she initially said she does not know…then I pressed her to tell me if she offended my husband in any way…she said I should go and ask my husband. Then I told her, to tell me the truth cos by this time, I had started becoming suspicious. I assured her that I will not tell my husband whatever she tells me.
That was when she said, that my husband has been pressuring her for s3x for months. And that because she is not a home wrecker…she refused. But when he increased rent by over 400%, she could not meet up. Even the money I loaned her was not enough. She had no choice but to yield to my husband. She said she slept with him and since then, she has not been herself but my husband has been pestering her …that twice a week…my husband will make sure they have s3x.
This woman cried when she was telling me all these…I did not even know what to say. I just told her I am sorry for everything….but I was so hot with anger that day…I waited for hubby to return, I carried bottle and went after him…we fought…so hard …for the first time in our 12 years of marriage…I was filled with so much anger that I wanted to injured him…hubby later overpowered me…and started begging me…said it was temptation.
I made hubby realize that cheating is a deal breaker for me from when we were dating…its been over a month this issue happened and I am still angry with him…he said he will do anything to earn my forgiveness…but the pain of this betrayal is too much. I know how much I suffered with this man…met him when he had nothing…helped him build this business empire…now he is paying me back like this?
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Now, the tenant is calling me wicked cos I have issued her a 3 months quit notice. Yes, she slept with my husband…no matter what the pressure…she should have told me the truth…I gave her 100k…if she had told me my husband wanted to f#ck her….I would have straightened my husband from start. My husband does not play with me…I think this woman also seduced him….how do I know…when our lawyer went to tell her quit the shop….I was told that she has been saying that she will not go anywhere, that she has done something to my husband, that will make him never leave her. That I am the one that will leave my marriage for her.
Our lawyer is now telling me to be careful that this woman knows I am upset about the cheating and may want to push me to leaving my marriage. She said, if I leave, this woman will find a way to snatch my husband before I even leave. My husband has left the matter for me to decide…out of remorse of course….he is already embarrassed by the whole thing cos I have exposed the whole scandal…but that statement from that woman is bothering me….me, I am a hot tempered person….should I confront this woman for this statement?
People are advising me to wait till the 3 months expires…if she does not leave…then I take action? By action, I will sue her and also beat her….she started as the victim but now, she is beginning to annoy me …she is being coy and stupid….how do I handle this please? My lawyer said we have to be careful, so she does not claim sexual harassment or assault from me and my husband…if not for that…seriously…I would have beaten her till she will never set eyes on any married man again….so should I confront her or just wait?
As for my husband…since I cant leave him…how do I make him pay for his indiscretions to me? If I cant leave and cant do anything to punish him…my mind will not be calm…I might do something drastic…I need advise.
Anonymous
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Hello you did well in handling the matter with the lawyer also involved my advise is since they have slept together i will encourage you pray well with your husband incase of any spiritual attack and allow the law take its full course….i mean dont interfere or communicate with her in any manner…..the law will balance the matter
All I can say is that to err is human, to forgive is divine. Please forgive and let this slide. Both parties have behaved badly, but try to find a place in your heart to forgive them. The tenant should find another shop. Husband should be warned to desist from this shameful and degrading behavior. Who knows how many other ladies he has been involved with that you are unaware of. He truly needs to change.
You promised her never to tell but u did, you are to handle it madam. You broke your own promise, that makes you all a cheat.
You better let sleeping dog lie and face your husband so you won’t unleash the devil in her.
Dear Poster,
I like the way you want to keep your marriage and on that base I have taking an interest in your post.
All said and done, I will advise you to be calm and see the matter as your hubby fault 100%.
I can relate with your emotion because I am also supper jot tempered and have gone through many way to always keep my temper in checks. I will advise you take some steps to control your temper.
If you have killed your hubby with the bottle,you will io to jail and the woman will still be alive and your family will be the once in pains. I meant you and your hubby family.
Facts:
1. When a man cheats, in other to regain or gain forgiveness and trust, we try to shift the blame and look for a soft landing. I say we because I am a man too.
2. Your hubby did not give all the tenants increment. Because she was the one he his after and he must have made up his mind to chop her whether she likes it or not.
3. You need to ask your husband for the whole truth and try to compare with what the lady told you to actually get to know if the lady also played a part, and if she has the intention to take your hubby from you.
4. The lawyer, is he not a friend to your hubby? Please do not jump to conclusions on what he dell’s you about the lady… he could be working for hubby to percify you.
My advise about the woman:
1. Keep her close since you want to continue with your hubby (keep your enemies close to be one step ahead).
2. Make her promise to leave your hubby and keep her shop. Leave her for say a year and increase the rent for everybody so you can legally kick her out(you have already shown hostility to her and I fear she will ready this already).
Advise on your hubby:
1. Make him sign out that property/ plaza to you completely. Dake the property as consolation for the betrayal so he will not have something on the woman. Make sure he agrees not to visit the property again and make it clear to the tenant that it is your now. Hubby has ko control.
2. Going this leanrt to have sex with a lady and demanding for twice a week sex means you are not given him attention like he wants it. Improve make him know that you cannot satisfy him 100% but you can give it to him….
3. He is a cheater and there is nothing you can do. Just keep praying he can hid it very well from you.(prepare your mind. You are his wife,others are just filling the gap you create)
4. You own your hubby now (take advantage of it to strengthen your marriage and don’t misused it because it will routine your marriage)
I don’t believe in fetishness or juju but I recognise the existence and the power it control, but I don’t believe in it.
Your action is what will determine what happen next and if God will fight for you(If you let him) or you want to fight for yourself (by taking powers to your hands – like using money to jail and beat the ladybor fustrate her).
Temptation are everywhere, it is up to husband and wife to protect the home.
Best of luck deciding.
Dear poster,you really need to calm down at this point please.. Your husband didn’t do well,he has no respect and regard for you… How can he possibly ask a single mother of three who’s trying to survive to have sex with him and when she refused,he increased the shop rent? Haaaaaaaa, people get mind ooooo
Wait till three months,I love action because it speaks louder than noise or words … Don’t confront her ,let your lawyer do her work by notifying the single mother about quitting the shop,simple ..
You need to forgive your husband since he’s not arrogant and he’s not allowing ego and pride to rule him,I can see he’s remorseful and sober about what he has done,just let go but I know it will be difficult to forget it now, please calm down biko…
Thread with caution,that woman might go diabolical,you might need to watch and be at alert. Peace
Dear poster
Consider yourself fortunate for finding out and I love the way you have handled this matter so far, Your husband made his choice, and my dear, it was the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals. He traded diamonds for dust.
Revenge? Nah, that’s amateur. You’re going to do something far more devastating if you try it. I will suggest you allow the law handle the issue amicably and professionally. while that’s going I will advice you to be fervent in prayers to your God against any external attack on your home.
As for Hubby, I know you still love him but communicate your worries and hurt let him understand that his next escapade will be an open disgrace( everyone will hear about it including family members church etc ) and that you will opt out for good. Meanwhile for now try and understand that Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person but everything to do with you. You’re suffering not your husband. So think of forgiveness as something to help yourself with the pain. I stress it will take time and it will not be easy. In this time find yourself again, the things you like and dislike, the things that give you life and make you, you.
Again it’s not about him, he going on in life, it’s about your peace. Anger along with hate is wasted energy, they rob you of life and love. I hope this helps and I hope it all works out for you. May peace be with you…
Madam calm down a little and take the advise of the lawyer. Your husband was clearly in the wrong don’t push all the blame on that woman. A single woman with 3 children is vulnerable and will do anything.
Why did your husband increase her rent after sleeping with her? It was obviously to victimized her.
Madam focus on your husband and your marriage. Leave that woman alone, let your lawyer deal with her. Note that she has the right to stay in the shop for the one year she has paid except you want to return her rent.
Madam, in this life, one has to be very very careful and calculative. Wisdom is profitable to direct.
A woman told you what transpired between her and your husband. You should have thought the matter through. For your husband to go to the extent of increasing her rent BECAUSE SHE REFUSED HIM SEX, means that he didn’t start with her. Your husband is a serious cheat, who must have his way, through whatever means. As his side chick, (do your investigation), that lady didn’t pay any rent for that shop again. She just chopped your money and licked mouth.
Your initial reaction to your husband was not only rash, you also went after the woman. Now, you have woken the devil in her, which can end up not only ruining your marriage, but also putting your life at risk.
You have to start by calming down. Keep your temper in check. Who knows if it’s your temperament that is driving your husband away from you?
Forgive your husband. Talk to him. Try and mend your relationship with him. He has shown remorse, good. Put your home in order.
As for the single mother, who doesn’t give a damn if she destroys your marriage or not, you need to tread softly. A lawyer is involved already. Let him do his job.
Don’t ever go physical with that lady. You will regret it. Rather, ask God for His intervention. Pray that God should help you drive away the strange woman from your marriage. He will settle the matter.
Dear Poster,
You need to focus on fixing your marriage not fixing the woman.
Since your husband is remorseful, have a conversation with him. Try and get things working again by forgiving him. Make a bold demand as a way for him to pay but be careful about his actions, he appears like a real cheat.
For the woman, it’s not advisable to engage her in any kind of fight, confrontation or any sort.
Let your lawyer focus on her. Don’t engage her in any conversation, control your temper, and be prayerful.
Prayers, good attitude and careful essence would help you fix your home.
Your husband needs to return your 100k because it was part of the escapee.
I pray your home and joy be restored fully.
All the best.