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True Life Story: I Am Falling For A Nice Young Woman But Is Its Complicated


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True Life Story: I Am Falling For A Nice Young Woman But Is Its Complicated

Hi Lively Stones,

Please hide my details. I have been dealing with some feelings for some time, I think I need to speak to someone about it. Someone that will not judge me. I am emotionally confused. So, late last year, I got an apartment with one of my long time friend, Bryan (not real name). It made sense to get a two bedroom flat cos we both work in Lekki and we wanted a nice place as young upcoming executives. Bryan has a girlfriend but me and the girl I was dating broke up in June. Since then, I just decided to chill out from women for the time being.

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Any woman I meet now, is just to have a good time, I really don’t want any sort of commitment for now. I want to focus on my career. At least, build myself to the point where, the next lady I meet, it will be a relationship that could lead to marriage. So, I been with a couple of ladies, maybe we meet at the club or online, we just hang out and that is it. But Bryan’s sister recently just finished University. She’s been at home waiting for youth service, she then decided to come stay in Lagos for a while before she will be called for NYSC.

Bryan’s sister is a very pretty and intelligent girl. When I met her, she took my breath away instantly. But I had to control myself cos she is my friend’s sister plus she’s fresh out of school…like…she’s a baby…she’s 20 years old….and I am almost 30. So, I told myself to forget about her. But ever since she came to the house, her attraction is hard to ignore because she is so nice and friendly. She’s always trying to get me to gist or watch a movie with her anytime am back from work. Her smile is just too infectious.

Nelly, Bryan’s sister has a boyfriend but he is in their city, in Aba. So, I told myself, to stop crushing in Nelly cos she has a boyfriend. Its been hard to be around her, I try my best to conceal my feelings. Then one time, Bryan’s girlfriend came to spend the weekend…Nelly had to be sleeping in the sitting room. I felt that she needed comfort, so I gave her my room to sleep while I slept in the sitting room. I swear to God…I found her body smell on my sheets so darm arousing.

Nelly is so nice, she helps wash my clothes and her brother’s clothes. She cooks for us and basically keeps the flat tidy for us. So, sometimes I dash her like 10k….first time I gave her the money, she jumped on me and I swear, I had an erection….I had to quickly excuse myself. But then, while watching a movie with her days later, a steamy scene came up and I had to use a throw pillow to hide my embarrassment again. Nelly snuggled close to me as the scene in the movie got hotter. I pulled back….she pulled closer. I had to get up and act like I needed to drink water.

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When I came back, she was sitting like nothing happened. We managed to finish the movie and I told her I was going to bed. I had a wet dream that night. The next day, I was to work from home, so I stayed in my room all morning. Nelly made noodles and knocked on my door to come for my breakfast…I told her not to worry that I was not hungry. She insisted she had made it already and does not want it to waste so I told her, I will eat it for lunch. By lunch time, I was still busy working…Nelly came with the noodles and insisted I eat. I had to eat.

As I eat, she was watching me, so I asked her why she was looking at me…she smiled and said…she does not understand why I do not find her attractive…that she was giving me signs when we were watching the movie the day before but I ignored her. I told her that I could not respond cos I feel she is like a sister to me. She opened her mouth and said: so you friend zoned me? I wanted to explain that ….its complicated and the next thing I knew…she came very close to me, took the plate of noodles I was eating and started kissing me.

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I tried to tell her to stop but she wouldn’t. She said she has been thinking about me since she walked into this house…soon as she said that…I threw caution to the wind and began to respond to her kisses…we made mad love that day….and when we were done….I discovered she was bleeding….she was a virgin. I was her first. Fear instantly caught me. I asked her why she didn’t tell me, she said she did not want me to stop. And it was easy, so I did not even notice…I was shocked. But at the same time, I was in love.

So, my issue now is…I am so in love with Nelly…its been about two weeks…we are hiding this from Bryan but I am also struggling cos Nelly is yet to go for service. She likes me alot. I don’t even know how her brother has not even noticed. But I am afraid to tell him. He might think I took advantage of his little sister cos I told him that I was not ready for any relationship now. the way I feel about Nelly….its making me break my promise to stay away from relationship for now. Truth is: I am scared: scared of hurting Nelly…scared of loosing her too…scared of what her brother might also think…he must surely break my head if he finds out.

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I tried to tell Nelly that we should stop seeing each other cos its complicated….she cried. She was like, she thought we had something special, that is why she let me be her first. That broke my heart. The question is; should I open my heart fully to Nelly even though I told myself that I was not ready for a relationship? Secondly, how do you think Bryan will take it….Bryan and I have done some stupid guy things….the guy might think I just want to bang his sister and leave her. And yes, I want to bang her…and I am not ready for a relationship…yet my emotions are failing me…I am so confused.

What should I do? I feel if I tell Nelly am not ready….it will hurt her so bad…and she is so naive…I mean, I took her V card.…why me na? Now, the guilt of being her first is even making it hard for me to think whether this is true love or whatever.  How am I going to handle this….what if I start a relationship with her and I regret it later cos…I am not ready…what do I do?


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Dear poster,your story seem annoying to me as I was reading it. You still don’t know what you want, you’re so confused! This minute you’re having feelings for Nelly, next minute you’re not ready for anything.

    My candid advice is to leave her alone,she is naive just like you said,allow her to finish her NYSC,be matured,stop this teenage abuse with her and be reasonable.

    Allow the young girl to concentrate, atleast you’ve succeeded in taking her V abi,so rest and face that your career.

    Stop every form of immorality and fornication with her,I pray Bryan doesn’t find out. Be sensible dear poster

  2. Dear poster my advice is short and simple if after taker her Virginity and you are still confuse I will advice you let her be left alone no matter how painful it might be let go.

    Because you don’t know what you want yet don’t cause more damage than you have already done precise both of you are young adults, confusion might not help matters here

    Peace be unto you

  3. Dear Poster,

    You are certainly confused because you are yet to let go of your hurt and heal. You were too quick to forget your decision and grab a girl who told you she has had her eyes on you.

    That’s childish since you understand the game of the heart and relationship.

    You said you aren’t ready. If after the fun you still don’t feel ready, kindly let her go.

    Be sincere with her that you aren’t ready because you are healing and don’t want to hurt her.
    Be clear about your feelings now and how far you can go with her especially if she leaves for youth service.

    I guess you feel she might jump into her man like.she did with you even when she has a boyfriend. Could it be you worry over the distance and how you will cope without her close to you?

    End this relationship amicably. Don’t say no yet give her hope or continue sleeping with her.

    Be careful in the future. The true test of our resolve is standing for it against all odds and at the face of what challenges the resolve. If you fail be quick to fix it.

    All the best.


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