True Life Story: My Boyfriend Is Insecure And Has Trust Issues
Hello Lively Stones,
Please advise me. My boyfriend is mad insecure and has trust issues. We met last year, he is a nice guy but he lives in Asaba while I leave in Lagos. Its a long distance thing. He tries to come to Lagos once or twice in a month….me too,…I go to see him in Asaba at least once a month.
However, when am back to Lagos, if he calls and I don’t pick immediately or sends a message and I don’t reply, when he eventually gets to me, he will start asking, who am I with, querying why it took too long to respond or take his call. I have told him several times, that relationship is based on trust and he has to trust that I am faithful or it will not work. He will then apologize and say its because his ex cheated on him too.
Another thing is, as the relationship get older, he says I should relocate to Asaba cos he has a good job with an oil company there. I told him I like Asaba but I would rather settle in Lagos. Asaba is a small place compared to Lagos. I told him to find a job in Lagos and I know he will get a job cos there are more companies needing someone like him in Lagos…he is quite good at his job. He says he knows but he prefers Asaba cos Lagos is too busy and stressful.
ALSO READ: My Wife Broke My Trust & Our Marriage Because Of Her Ex Boyfriend
So, these are the reasons we quarrel everyday….always suspicious and claiming I am not committed to the relationship cos I say I dont want to relocate to Asaba. I won’t lie….these wahala with him makes me feel like I should just break up with him but he keeps asking me not to give up on us and that he loves me so much, he cannot imagine a life without me. Truly, that is why I am still with him.If not, I for don cross out.
Now, something happened. Last month, I forgot my phone at home and went to work. Before I came, I saw 73 calls, 11 voice notes and almost 21 messages from my boyfriend. The guy was having a mental breakdown. He called me names…from why am I not taking his calls….to cheater….to slut…to begging not to leave him….to he has forgiven me if I have cheated….it was too much.
This really irritated me and I sent him only one message….please loose my number….I can’t do this anymore. I mean….he did not wait to hear from me before assuming the worst and reacting in the most childish way. I knew his trust issues is going to be a huge problem for us, so there was no need to try to explain that I left my phone at home. So, I sent him a message that its over….I blocked his lines.
In my mind, I am single now. I wanted to have fun, go out and forget about this guy cos even though I broke up with him,..I was seriously missing him and hurting from the breakup. So, there is this colleague of mine, that has been disturbing me, to hang out with him. I have been telling him no since but now that I am single, I called him and we hit the club to have some fun.
My colleague and some of his friends joined us and I got so drunk…I wanted to forget my pain ….I ended up sleeping my colleague’s friend that night. The hangout was mad. I slept all through the next day being a Saturday only to be woken up by a knock on my door and guess who….it was my boyfriend or ex boyfriend. He took a flight that morning to come see me and beg for my forgiveness. That he cannot love without me.
Like I told you, me too…I am not really over him….we made up…we made love. Now, I am feeling so guilty because I finally cheated on my boyfriend. And I blame him for it. All these suspicions have finally pushed me to cheat. We are good now…back to being all lovey dovey but in my heart…the guilt that I slept with someone else is bothering me. And this someone else has been asking to date me.
Now, I am wondering….what is best for me…to keep this secret with me and continue with my guy…cos if I tell him…then am sure its really over between us….or should I just break up with him and explore things with this new guy? This new guy…seems like a really great personality…plus the bedroom level with him is way higher than my boyfriend’s. I know love is not about S** but when you meet someone who can give great S**….its very rare.
Please advise me….how do I move forward…..tell my guy or keep it secret? If I keep this secret and continue our relationship….what if his trust issues drives me nuts another time? Can someone with trust issues change after some time? Or should we just break up finally so I can focus on this new guy? I know no relationship is perfect,….no perfect guy but out of these two…which is the better option for me?
Anonymous
Do you have a story to share? We want to hear all about it. Email us at [email protected] or Whatsapp +2348029870309
Share This
What do ladies really want? That which your boyfriend was afraid of has finally happened. It is obvious you don’t like this guy,why keep him? A guy who is trying to protect his property from getting missing or taken by another,a guy who has been heart broken before due to cheating,a guy who has not really gotten over his previous heart break due to cheating,what exactly do you want him to do? This is a distant relationship, calling you from time to time is expected and you have no right not to be close to your phone,I wonder why that phone is mobile in the first place?
You have finally cheated and found out that the new guy is very good on bed compare to your boyfriend abi,now that you have a guy that loves you,you will not love him back abi,keep exploring,don’t get serious,until you finally lose him and end up with one yeye good for nothing man,after you come and be shouting “hide my identity” when the time comes.
If you don’t love him,tell him and move on,if you still want him,then love him and stop being unserious .
Use your tongue and count your teeth. Peace !
Dear poster, you think you love your boyfriend but you don’t. You knew from onset about your boyfriend’s insecurity, you had a choice to either stay or leave.You’re just assuming in your mind you love your boyfriend if not you won’t be thinking of who to choose. You’ve tasted S.e.x outside and e sweet you. Please let your boyfriend go. You will never be S.e.xually satisfied with your boyfriend. You will always cheat on him. He’s practically back to square one. What he’s scared of has happened. Please just free him. No need asking us to chose because me telling you to chose your boyfriend will be wrong when you know deep in your heart there’s someone better than him in bed.
(1)not everyone can settle for Lagos lifestyle. You have someone that can even establish you and you’re giving excuses that doesn’t make sense. You don’t want to go to asaba but you want him to come to Lagos. Don’t you know it would be easier for you to adapt to Asaba lifestyle than him in Lagos? You don’t know what you want please. Seems you’re not ready to settle down .
(2) I understand he’s over protective and it will get worse when you get married to him. It’s left for you to choose if you can cope or not. But still I believe you won’t be faithful to him because there’s someone better than him in bed