True Life Story: My Girl Got Deceived But I Still Feel The Betrayal & Hurt
Hello Lively Stones,
Please I need your advise. I am a 27 year old young man, dating a 26 year old. Actually met her when she came to do her service here in my city. She’s pretty, intelligent and very easy to relate with. Initially, I wanted something casual with her but I fell hard for her. I was her first, I was shocked that she went through uni and was still a virgin. That was two years ago. We got so close that I helped her get a job here and she’s being my girl since then. My family has also met her and they love her too.
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My girl is an ideal wife material but her over friendliness is an issue. She is always trying to make everyone happy…so alot of people like her sha. So, there is this guy in her office that is supposed to be engaged, and he is from my girl’s village, so they bonded over that, he is my brother nonsense. When she introduced him to me, I never had any reason to suspect her…cos he was respectful and he was like a big brother to her in the office.
This guy and my babe always go to lunch everyday….sometimes when I call her during lunch, she will tell me he is with her….I asked why must she go to lunch with him everyday but she said I am reading too much into it. Then, when am with my babe…this guy will be chatting her and she will be engrossed, laughing at their chat. I told my babe, I did not like it…she said I was being childish…that the guy is engaged ….that he is just like a big brother.
This continued but so I will not be seen as the over controlling boyfriend…I left her alone. Only for her to call me months later, one da…when I got to her place…I saw that her eyes were red from crying. I asked her what happened….she started crying and trembling…I was scared…thinking maybe she was pregnant or someone died and she was afraid of telling me…I paced back and forth asking her what it is…she then started saying…please forgive me…forgive me…I made a huge mistake.
A huge mistake…what did you do? I kept asking her….by then, my apprehension was about to make me loose my mind…she said…she should have listened to me, that she made a huge mistake…that it started with an innocent chat about s3x and then it became curiosity and then, she became tempted…she and her colleague who is supposed be her brother where sexting and she slept with him.
According to her…he kept teasing her and she initially did not think anything of it but she did not know when he started touching her when no one was looking and sending her s3xt messages and they ended up in his place where he slept with her. To me, I knew this was going to happen but I was being told I was being childish. My God…I just left her and told her its over. She cried and begged but I was done. I left that night and have never been so heart broken.
My God, that was two months ago. I have never been the same again. Shes still begging and asking for forgiveness. The guy and his wife to be, even sent me a long message begging me. I was surprised, the guy confessed to his woman. They are getting married next month…the woman said she believe they both made a mistake…how can she believe that? She must really like this guy for her to still want to marry him.
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Since we broke up, I have tried to move on but I can’t. Even my family members and hers are begging that whatever she did, I should forgive her, but they don’t know what really happened… but in my heart…how do I get over the fact that my girl slept with someone while we were dating…what if we get married tomorrow…what will happen?
The issue with this girl is…she is too trusting of people…she is too playful…she is not a loose girl but she can be very easily deceived. I know she was naive…for her to even tell me after what happened…some girls would have kept it a secret….I want to forgive her but the pain is still there…the hurt is much. And I am afraid that she could probably fall a victim next time…she is very sweet and kind and nice and those are her strengths but also her weaknesses…
Please advise me…do you think there could be any future with her? How do I stop feeling hurt and betrayed…should I just let her go?
Anonymous
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Dear poster,the deed has been done,you warned her,you suspected something,you spoke about it,you talked about it but she denied and refused to listen….
If you still love her, forgive her and move on with your relationship but if you know you can’t forgive and forget because some people say men don’t forgive a cheating partner,please let her go so you don’t use it against her in the relationship or marriage.
You need to talk to her,she needs to see life differently,she needs to compose and minimize the familiarity she has with people….
No be everybody she suppose dey laugh with or shine teeth with so they don’t take advantage of her simplicity for stupidity ..
Nawaooooo but atleast consider her for the fact that she was still a virgin when you met her and na you be the first man to enter the place.
Peace be unto you people but shey she go still dey work for the same office ni,hummmmm,just asking sha
Dear poster I want you to acknowledge that love isn’t a light switch you can turn off when someone does you dirty. Love is stubborn, obstinate, and has a half-life longer than a radioactive isotope. So, it’s not unusual to still have feelings or love for someone, even after they’ve cheated.
Everybody has their own moral code and it’s not my business to judge somebody else’s decisions, but I believe that cheating is the worst thing you can do to your significant other besides physically harming them. I would never stay in a relationship with somebody who cheated on me because they are almost certain to do it again due to fact that I have understanding that cheating is a decision and not really a mistake it’s always in steps and stages before the final slaughter.
I understand that this is really difficult for you to deal with a calm mind. But, I urge you not to take any harsh decisions at this moment since any decision made whilst emotions are running high might not always be the best ones.
If you feel it can still be fixed firstly communicating with each other might lead you and her discussing how and why it happened which might leave room for introspection for the both of you. It can also bring some insight into her behavior and clarity of expectations in your relationship. Also, if the real issues are not identified, they are less likely to get resolved.
I leave you to decide what you feel is best for you, best wishes.
The truth you know in your heart of heart is what should guide you.
I feel you can’t let her go because you love her and you know what really happened… tho she explored where she shouldn’t have, I hope she has learnt her lesson. Remember she’s not explored her sexuality before you, I feel that should let you see how naive she could be…probably if you’d not done it with her, she’d never have let down her guard this badly to accommodate a predator she was vulnerable with…
Well, I’d ask that you
1. please forgive her and you don’t need to tell families details of what happened. They do not need to know… cover each other biko
2. Talk thru the betrayal, how you feel and what you fear… address what you think led to where she’s at and discuss ways you can help each other so it doesn’t happen again…
3. help her learn the signs of a predator and how to create boundaries yet not loose herself. You can be her accountability partner but please don’t become her police officer except she asks you to be…
4. If it’s possible, have a meet up, the 4 of you and be open about what happened, so you’ll all have the true picture of what happened, no assumptions… you guys can part ways forever with the couple after that if it helps you and your lady heal
5. Take your time… Take your time to heal together. You both need it. But never stop communicating in healthy ways… you don’t need to lose the friendship even if you don’t end up together and if you end up together, you want to both look back and see how much you guys have grown together in spite of the falls…
I wish you both the best.
Bro, please just let go of your hurt. I understand you perfectly but the deed has been done.
The point here is she loves you, even though she’s naive in some areas of her life.
You also loved her from the depth of your heart ….. I can read that.
Therefore, I will ask you to enumerate her good and the bad sides, since you have been in this relationship.
See if she’s the type of person you may wish to spend the rest of your life with……..give yourself time to heal and take her back and renew your love for one another.
I think…..she’s a good girl but “ignorant and naive” from the story you posted
## Above all, allow God to guide you
Dear Poster,
You are too Lucky a guy!
You met a virgin at say 24….you saw the signs of a wolf man in the brother guy. you spoke to her and she shove it down, and the deed happened.
The beautiful thing is this:
1. She confessed herself
2. I am sure her conscience could not allow her to keep it for too long ( in my head, probably she confessed a day or two later).
3. She knew what she did and how her naive action would hurt you.
4. She made the guy confess to her wife to be, probably because she threatened him too that she will confess.
5. She is still begging you and use all resources in her disposal to do so(her family,your family, the wolf man and his wife to be.
I know you are heart broken, but in our world of today, she will be classified has a very decent lady.
Although I will fault you on not protecting her and guiding her when you pre-empt that the village brother is a wolf.
The positive side:
1. If you gake her back she will listen to you on matter in this respect( don’t abuse it)
2. Love has never existed in the absent of forgiveness, most especially when their is remost and realisation of bad or wrong (you have every reason to love her and you do, don’t through it away)
3. I can bet that if you guide her right she will remain faithful to you for a very long time ( you know her weakness protect her)
The other sides:
1. You are not married to her yet, and this is a mistake.
2. You know the exact body count, you and you.(Mistakes and rape are not counted)
3. How will you find a virgin without nativity in our current.
4. If you leave her now,you not be lucky enough to meet another with her qualities and you know what.
My advise:
1. Have a sit down with her, and tell her your fear of a repeat mistake in the future and ask her what are the guarantees and assurances that she will not succumb to deceit and how would she want you to help her when you notice the signs?
2. Make her tell you how it happen do you can learn how she was broken, and make her agree to no secret between the both of you ( If you marry her)
From your discussions you will figured the rest out. Bros marry her as quickly has possible (why will you be dating her for 2 year self).
Guy, you have a gem in your hands. Please, don’t get me wrong. Am not siding her in any way.
To have met her a virgin at that age is laudable. Her easy going nature is also another plus. It’s just unfortunate that she didn’t recognise a snake when it came hissing around her and she blindly played with it. And when it bit her she confessed to you with genuine regrets. That’s another green flag from her.
Please, forgive her. She must have learnt her lesson in a bitter way. She will not be a victim again. With this occurrence, she will become wiser. Experience has become her best teacher. She will really be more wary of people around her now.
I know it’s painful, but find a place in your heart to forgive her. Be rest assured, she won’t repeat that in future.
I feel she was very naive. Since you still love her,get some counseling and try to mend things. Be sure she has learnt her lessons.
That senior brother eh, hmmnn….when people form closeness with so called brothers and sisters, I fear for things like this because it happens.
Your babe is so naive. She was carried away by the ‘kind’ gesture of this brother and frankly, she was enjoying their discussion that was why they actualized it. That should let you know her strength and weakness.
She hasn’t been exposed so she is naive in some areas like sex and relationships. If not she would not have fallen for the ‘brother’ and she would not have told you the truth.
The ball is in your court. Can you forgive and move past this issue? Can you love her irrespective of her short comings? Can you protect her without reminding her of this incidence?
If you are willing to, then do so and marry her. If you had married her quickly she probably would not have fallen.
Bro, I am a man and trust me, I know women very very very well, DUMP HER and forget her. You can do without her, I hate when men act like they cannot do without women. She will cheat again and even in marriage, but will be smart in hiding it.
Don’t fall for all those, your family loves her and are begging you, or her crying and the likes. Bro, dump her and forget her, once a woman cheats, dump her, even in marriage, she has bonded spiritually with him.
My bro, men like you don’t know female nature, its why you all drop your stories on blogs seeking “what should I do”. You need to listen to men that know female nature so you can see women for who they really are. As a man you MUST never trust women, no matter how well behaved she is, or virgin, you must never trust women.
Again, I say, dump her and leave her. Don’t be a simp, a mangina, an effeminate man, a woman worshipper, a shemale, a feminine man.
You are warned bro.
God bless you Dre. Never forgive a cheating woman. The cheating was deliberate and not at put naivety. Never make excuse for her.
Turn the table around and ask the man she cheated with if is her partner would he have forgiven her and continue to the wedding? Kindly move on with your life no matter how hard it seem.
Hmmm, I had an almost similar case with my wife and her same tribe costomers always chatting, I copied his number and office address, I called him like a client, visited him ask him on advice about how to treat a married woman , asked him what he would do if his wife cheats on him, after he spoke for hours, i told him to stop chatting with my wife…., he felt like entering the ground, he blocked her straight ,I went home and told my wife I visited her online friend , she felt like entering the ground too, i told her to block him straight.
Since then no more chatting as far as I know , Baba we can’t give room for satan oo, nobody is perfect.
Just thank God he revealed it to you early and she apologised, move on with her until further notice .
My one kobo.
You are a good man.
Thank you for covering your wife.
If you can forgive her and move past this, please, give her another chance. But if you can’t, just move on.
Dear Poster,
It’s a rough incident, but it could be managed since you aren’t married yet, and you specifically said she is naive.
Since she came clean and even the guy apologised too.
It could truly be a mistake, forgive her especially for yourself.
Take sometime to think through and gradually have a conversation with her when you have a clear head. Decide what works for you then.
My suggestion would be to try and sort it out amicably and help her with her weakness as you give her a chance again.
Try and hasten your wedding when you are convinced to continue and stop this high risk relationship.
All.the best.
Hello,
If you would continue to remind her of this mistake after you marry her or use it against her please break off with her amicably so she can start off on a clean slate with someone else after she heals.
Check if you can forgive and let go.
All the best.