True Life Story: I Am Desperate To Find True Love After Five Abortions & Betrayals
Dear Lively Stones,
I shared my story of what happened to me two years ago. Please click here to read my story. I want to thank Madam Jzhane and everyone for their advise and support through that trying period of my life. I will not lie, those were the most difficult times of my life. I swear, I was almost giving up. Eventually, I made a decision and got rid of the pregnancy. I know some people might be judging me but I could not bear to have a child from someone who put me through so much. Since that time, its like finding true love has been impossible.
I also got rid of the pregnancy for his girlfriend’s sake but guess what , the girl sha did not even marry him. She called off the wedding just days to the wedding. I heard another girl came forward that she was pregnant for him. That my ex is a dog. And God will punish him. How he put all these ladies through so much pain. I mean, after the whole ordeal, I found it hard to move on. People were talking about me…I was a national embarrassment.
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Any guy around me, people would scare them away, telling them how I had five abortions for another man that dumped me. I could not sleep. And at my age, I was really getting worried that no one will marry me because of the issue I had with my ex. Only married men were coming for me, I was damaged and also out of a job, so I needed money and love. My family is not doing well financially …my parents are struggling and looking up to me as their first daughter to get married and support them too.
After staying without a job for months upon months, I had no choice but to get into hook up business. It was rough at first but eventually, it paid off….I got an apartment of my own and was living my life the way I want. I convinced myself that the only way I can make it is to forget about love and focus on hustling. Well, I did that…slept with many men to survive. My life was hard and full of sadness. I became depressed, I was feeling dirty about my lifestyle.
So, one day, I woke up and decided to go to church. I was welcomed very warmly by the church members. They later sent some people to come and visit me afterwards. That was how I met Edward (not real name). Edward was accompanied by another lady, they visited me and kept encouraging me to be coming to church. I was still doing hook up to survive but I was going to church to ask for forgiveness every time. I told the church people that I work in a hotel as a waitress, so I was always on night duty.
Somehow, Edward discovered what I was really doing for a living and he started trying to make me find another job. He found me a job as an Office Assistant. As Edward was so nice to me, I started developing feelings for him. He is the only guy who looks at me like I am a human being worthy of being loved. I have been hiding my feelings for him but a few months later, Edward told me he has feelings for me, infact, that he was in love with me.
It was not hard to fall for Edward. I mean, many girls in that church had a crush on him from what I can see. He is a very handsome and nice guy. He is an Engineer…and very committed to church things. He said he was formerly engaged to someone who was very committed in church but the lady got pregnant for a married man and they had to call off his wedding. I told a little about me and my ex but I did not tell him I had five abortions. We bonded over our exs dumping us….before long…we started kissing and he stopped himself halfway cos you know….he said it was a sin.
Every time he is around me, he says he can’t control himself. I too was loosing control. Edward is the best man ever…we tried to remain holy…I swear, we tried…but we eventually had s3x and he was so upset at himself. He apologized for sleeping with me but I told him its ok. He said he needed some time and space away from me, so he can fully repent and so he has not being talking to me for the past few months. I feel so lost without him in my life. He avoids me like a plague. I think its not just because we had s3x but because he had s3x with someone who is a former hook up girl.
Please I need your advise. I am in love with Edward, I want to do anything to make him love me back. He is the kind of man I have always dreamed of. I told a friend of mine who is also into the hook up business. She advised me to use jazz on Edward to fall in love with me. Alot of hook up girls use this jazz to make married men fall in love with them, forget their wives and spend all their money on the hook up girls.
I don’t want to use that jazz on Edward because I know that jazz is very powerful and it will definitely make Edward work on me. It has worked on many men, even so called pastors or prophets. Only those who have never had s3x with a hook up girl that this jazz will not affect. Edward has slept with me so it must work on him. My fear is, Edward may never look at me again…maybe he is thinking I am not good enough for him. Edward is someone I need in my life. I changed because of him. I need him to see me as a changed person and give me a chance.
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Edward does not know half of what I have been through but I know God brought him to give me another chance…but my problem is now how do I convince Edward…I don’t know how to win him…is jazz the only way? I mean, its not really bad if you are in love with someone…I will not be jazzing him for his money…he is single, so its not to draw him away from his wife…its to make him fall in love with me…I know he is in love with me…he is just feeling bad that he slept with me as a church member he is trying to help, I have tried to call him but he’s no is going through.
What should I do? Age is not on my side. I gave up on love once…I cannot face another betrayal any more. I will not be able to make it…or maybe truly love is not for me…if I don’t get Edward, I will face hook up full time and no going back. Maybe eventually use the jazz on a man who will take care of me so I will no longer think of Edward. But Edward is my one true love…I need him to hear my heart and give me a chance. If only he can talk to me but he is avoiding me. Who should I ask to help me talk to him? Should I go and talk to our pastor? But maybe Edward may not like that…I don’t think he wants church people to know we had a relationship or affair….I don’t know.
Please please advise me. I know I have made bad decisions in the past, I believe Edward is my only way to make right, why else will I find him in church, fall in love after I swear never to fall for any other man….what if I loose him…I might not be able to make it right anymore. Help please, I am desperate.
Anonymous
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Don’t force love , he said he had feeling for you right ? Just be committed in church n let that feeling he had n God fight for you.
I think you should still excercise patience. Don’t you meet him in church ? If he comes to Church ,you can try to catch up with him.
Dear poster,you have to calm down .
Stop hook up and get a decent job, please. Don’t engage in jazz or whatever you call it,I know most girls use kayamata,just don’t think of such.
Allow Edward to breathe,give him sometime,get busy,he might come around,stop the hook up for now.
The fact that Edward found out you are into hook-up is enough to send him away,you have to be decent,you have to be a changed person before a man like Edward can come around…
Don’t use jazz on any man,be it married or single, because e get why,karma does not forget.
It’s well with you,keep going to church,keep listening to the word of God,make Holy spirit your friend and companion and you shall testify.
Peace
God will always use someone to put us right and draw us to himself. It’s God’s word preached through other people that gets us closer to God. The word of God we know for ourselves gives us an edge over life’s challenges.
Edward didn’t change you. He was a medium God used to being you closer.
You have to concentrate on God and give yourself wholly to God and serve only Him.
Five abortions don’t mean death sentence. God renews and gives new wombs even if something went wrong earlier.
Edward may not be away from you cos of your hook up business or cos you aren’t good enough for him. He might have a convenant with God to serve Him in spirit and truth. Since both of you can’t keep off your bodies, his action is the best.
You don’t expect a true believer to remain in sin. If you love him as you claim, then give him all the space he asked for. Keep serving God. Learn a new skill that would take you off the busy of hook up completely.
Going back to hook up full time isn’t an option. Using jazz on him is devilish and will sure backfire. Forcing love is deadly and you will live with regret. Let love grow and come for you naturally.
Regarding your service to God, it’s your choice to make. You see, serving God is the best thing , fellowshiping with God is the best gift in life. Focus on serving God not to convince Edward or make him love you.
I will advice you to focus on God. If Edward returns fine, if otherwise let go. Even if he marries another sister, let go and focus on God. If you can’t concentrate in church then change branch and keep serving God.
Hook up ain’t your only option. Jazz isn’t the best tool to get love or care or money.
Seek to know your God given purpose, focus on becoming a better woman and serving God your defence and true love.
God will add all things beautiful to you. Keep believing in love. You will be loved someday.
All the best.
It is well maybe he’s afraid? He might not no how to deal with his own feelings and the guilt.
I think the best way to find out what’s going on is to actually ask, your not going to get any answers by not doing that because only he can tell you what’s going on.
But honestly I think he does have feelings for you, But I do think you reallly need to speak 2 him because then at least you know where you stand with him!
If he was just playing you along then at least you know what type of person he truly is now before you got in to a serious relationship with him.
And that hookup life style stop it focus on your new job and other responsible ways to earn a living also strive to maintain a decent relationship stop initiating sex in any relationship you’re in unless you haven’t truly left hook up.
work on good orientation about godly relationship if you wish to settle down right or go for counseling if you need help in that area thinking of Jazz at this point sound fetish and awkward pls erase such evil mentality from your head.
Goooodluck!
Genuine desire can not be negotiated neither can it be forced
Do not use jazz on a man because u want to get him ,it isn’t love but slavery
What if u use the jazz on him ,but because of his spirituality it backfires on u ,what would u do ?
Would u say because u are desperate for a man u then put Ur life at risk
Don’t do that babe ,if someone was to use jazz on any of Ur brother ,how does that make u feel
The person who advise u ,is telling u to put Edward as a slave
Because he isn’t in his right sense ,u would love him and hate him
Reason is he would be behaving like a mumu for u .
It might look good but it wouldn’t be for ever ,one day he would be free it might take a ridiculous number of years but he would certainly be free,so what then happens to u
U did not use jazz to make Edward put interest in u ,so why do u want to use jazz to keep him
Don’t u think u are a little inconsiderate with Ur action
If u love him and he doesn’t still come to u , respect his decision and give him space
U can’t force love ,if u use force it isn’t love but entanglement
Do not get to a stage in Ur life where u feel ur life can’t be better because someone is not present ,Ur life can still be better
Dear poster
People like Edward, the only way to win their heart is by being God’s child genuinely and truly. And not being desperate. Having the qualities he wants in a woman will also give you an edge. When you have these things, and there’s no iota of pretence or hypocrisy in you, he will do the chasing with everything in him.
Edward didn’t run away because of your past or lack of love.
How do i know?
This is because, he found you a job when he somehow discovered what you were doing for a living according to you.
If he had judged you, he wouldn’t come that close to you not to talk of developing feelings for you. He ran because he’s not a hypocrite. Only a hypocrite enjoys secret sins while active in church.
Here are reasons he likely ran away.
1. His salvation.
Possibly, he doesn’t want anything to stain his garment. But relating with you has caused that already and might continue if he doesn’t cut off from you.
2. His future.
He possibly desire a woman with whom he can build Godly home and raise Godly children. And he’s not sure of that with you, probably.
My advice for you is, get born again genuinely. Serve God with all of your heart. This is not just because of Edward. It’s for you and it’s the right way to live life. Though God might see your sincerity and decide to touch Edward’s mind to come back. And even if he doesn’t come back, God will bring someone good or better than Edward your way again.
For God is a giver of good things.
Peace.
Some people are never able to figure out why they keep going in circles of wrong decisions.
Sometimes its childhood trauma that is behind it
The desire to be loved….and accepted has made people to do anything to be loved
Thing is….one has to lobe oneself first before you can be truly loved by anyone
Place value on yourself so that you will recognise how much value others place on you
Never think without someone you cannot make it or be loved in life
You are smart and loved by God
Edward has to see the value you place in yourself and not the desperation that you portray
No one wants damaged goods
So heal….heal and love what you are…who you are
Your Past is a lesson….not a death sentence
Going back to your old ways serves you no good….and frankly you hurt yourself more
At the end of the day….you should look our for yourself
The love that you so desperately seek….is already withing you
Until you have a different mindset….Edward and any other guy will only see your desperation and flee
As for Edward….let him figure himself on his own terms
Maybe he feels guilty or maybe he just wanted to smash and pass
Whichever case it is….love yourself
Invest in yourself….you are good and not damaged….
You are worthy of love and God loves you so much.
Wishing you the best!
Sis, Edward is not the only way out! God Almighty is! Turn to God wholely! You have not really changed! If you have really changed, having sex outside marriage with Edward wouldn’t have happened! Edward is a double edged too! He’s not really changed but hiding under church and position in church!
Tell it all to God! He will make a way where there’s no way! He make waters in the desert for you! Maybe God might touch Edwards heart or give you a better man! Stop looking at age! Social pressure or what people will say! Look into Jesus Christ alone! He’ll help and give you the best!
Sis eh
Just calm down biko
Trust me if I tell you Edward didn’t walk away because of your hook up past… Remember he told you his feelings before the sex happened…
What I think is happening to Edward is guilt + he already has a weakness for you and may not be able to e exercise self discipline around you anymore…
Your concern shouldn’t be how you can win Edward because you already won him… Concern should be how you can help him stay true to his values and moral standards… How can you do that for him? How can you stop the hook up desires?
How’s your new job doing?
Are you out of hook ups or still doing it by the side?
Can you stop hookups?
Have you stopped?
Can you abstain from sex?
Have you tried? How long were you able to?
Can you be faithful to one man?
Who are your friends?
Do you have new friends in church?
What has your experience in church been like?
Leave those hookup friends biko
Don’t seek relationship advice from them
Don’t do charms please
Make friends with God and His Word… Soak in on God… Listen to the Word being taught as it is… Follow minister’s who are real… Join prayer ministeries that pray and speak the Word… You’ll build up and be strong in your spirit man soon…
I think you should just commit to God… Just focus on God, give Him your best and your all… Give Edward space to find himself and recommit to God… Don’t even bother him anymore… If ever you have another conversation, tell him you understand and you’re sorry for not stopping him from committing that sin with you and that you forgive him and forgive yourself… Ask him to forgive himself and forgive you… Then let him go…
Focus on your new job and focus on God… Don’t follow any other man but Christ… Serve God diligently and watch what will happen…
If Edward is yours, time will bring you both back together and you’ll be strong for each other… If it’s another man God has prepared for you, he will show up… But I have this feeling that Edward will come around after his time out… He’s just weak around you and has lost control once… he’s scared of a repeat… Allow him find his strength again and you too get stronger and be able to discipline yourself… God makes all things beautiful in His time and way… Commit to God and let Him work your miracles Sis
Hugs Babes