True Life Story: How I Discovered My Fiancé Has Slept With Her Three ‘Brothers’
Hello Lively Stones,
My name is Chris (not real name). I need your help. I am a 33 years old young man. I would like to settle down and I have a very beautiful, hardworking and nice young lady that I would like to get married to. I met Nancy (not real name) two years ago. She is an Engineer, she works with a Client of mine.
Nancy is one of a kind young lady, not just because she is a lady engineer but she is very good looking and intelligent. Beauty and brains. But there is an issue. Nancy is a classic case of tomboy. I know that women in engineering are in a male dominated field and so can sometimes act like men but her own is more than the way she dresses or talks.
Nancy is a woman who does not know to be a woman. She cannot do anything domestic and she is not gentle or soft spoken as you expect an average woman to be. So, you see that she hangs out alot with men in clubs than you see her at weddings. Initially, I thought she was gay but she is not. When I met her, all her rough edges did not really bother me, I was just finding her so interesting.
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Over time, I not only found her interesting, I fell in love with her. This relationship has been my happiest. Yes, people do not understand why I choose to be with such a woman but she makes me very happy. She is fun to be with and she really is kind and honest…infact too honest. As our relationship got more serious, she asked me how I feel about marriage…I thought she would like to hear that I have plans to marry her ..
To my greatest surprise, Nancy said she is afraid of marrying because she knows she is not a typical wife personality. I laughed and told her she is special and any man who marries her would be very lucky. As things went on, I noticed that she had some guys who she introduced to me as her brothers but they were not really related. According to her, they were all in the university together and they were in the same department and were actually like very tight friends.
So, I accepted them too as her friends. They are really close. All three guys with Nancy. They gist, call and even hang out sometimes. Two of them are married. The third one is in UK. Nancy came from a broken home and she is not in good terms with her folks. So, these guys are like her true family.
Last month, I called each of the guys to tell them my intentions about Nancy. That I intend to propose and would like for them to be around when I propose to her in a surprise event. They all approved except Dino,one of the guys. He felt I was not good enough for Nancy. He told me, that he feels I am not the one for Nancy. I was surprised cos I never expected that.
In my mind, I was like…why is this guy rejecting me. He is married, could he be interested in Nancy? I tried to forget about him but this guy began to poison Nancy against me. He literally told Nancy that I am a bad choice for her. Nancy asked me what I did to Dino, that Dino told her to stay away from me. That was when I told Nancy that Dino is behaving like he is in love with her, and he should behave cos he is married.
Nancy kept quiet when I mentioned that Dino is acting like he is in love with Nancy…the next thing she said is: Dino and the guys are actually more than brothers/friends to her. That all 3 of them are in love with her, at one time or the other, each one of them proposed to her and its because they cannot agree for one of them to marry her, that to avoid enmity between all 3 of them, Nancy decided not to agree to any one of them.
In my head, I was like….how do you have 3 guys all in love with you and call them brothers? And you still hang out with them, even though they are married? I casually said…hmm, that means if they give Dino or any of the guys opportunity, they will sleep with you. Nancy , in her being too honest blurted out: I have slept with all 3 of them.
It was like…someone hit me with a rock on my head. What?…you dated each one at one time? She said no….it was when she was sharing a room with them in Uni…they used to take turns in sleeping with her or sometimes…all 3 slept with her. I was shocked beyond words. why…how?…Nancy looked at me and said,…I would never understand and she broke up with me.
Even though I am still in shock and really devastated that Nancy slept with 3 guys at once and these guys are her so called brothers, I find it hard to forget about her. Its been almost a month since she broke up with me. I have asked her to explain herself to me. She said no need….that she knows she cannot be a wife. That if I know half the things she has done, I wont want to be with her.
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What else could she have done? I told her that I would like to know what else she has done because I love her regardless. She said, before I even think of it, I should ask myself if I really mean it. We may talk very soon. She has agreed to see me this weekend. I love this girl die. I don’t even care about her relationship with these guys…if only she will cut off from them especially Dino whom I fear has not gotten over Nancy.
Am I crazy for wanting to still want Nancy? My fear is if she is still in love with any of the guys….she said that part of her life is over. Do you believe her? This is very confusing for me. I like her a lot…I love her a lot…but will she break my heart? With these 3 guys still hanging around her in one way or the other? Please advise me.
Anonymous
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Oga please just be friends with Nancy biko,this is for your own good.
If you feel you can deal with this,then go ahead but don’t say no one told or warned you.
Please get someone else and leave her alone,you do not need to know her past any longer,leave her oooo,leave her and face your front, thanks.
Some men amaze, you will see an irresponsible woman, its that one you will decide to go for.
You will get what you are looking for.
If you must know, when most women cheat, they act all remorseful to deceive the men cos they know some men are simps and act foolishly for women.
I really pity you, maybe you are ready to raise Dino or any of those guys children. Bro, a lot of women are committing adultery and many of them look so saintly, infact what they do is immediately they commit adultery, they quickly have S.e.x with their husband to stop him from suspecting them of cheating.
Bro, you are warned. If you can get the book the rationale male by Rollo Tomassi, get it from pdfdrive.com. Thank me later.
✌
In my own opinion, Nancy is not a bad person, she’s a ‘hurting’ person.
She is in a dark place crying for help but unfortunately, no one has been able to do so.
Why did I say this?…
Looking at this situation, Nancy has not been able to work on the pain and the impact of coming from a broken home.
The impact on her is more than she can handle and that has led her to being broken as a woman.
Any woman who sleeps around or allows men to toss her around is not normal.
Something has broken inside of her and it needs to be fixed.
Men don’t know the void they create in the lives of their daughters when they just up and leave their family either physically or emotionally. A father is supposed to teach his daughter how to do life. A father teaches the daughter the right way a man is to treat her. Her esteem is built by him. He is the first male figure she comes in contact with.
If he does a poor job or abandons his family, then something just gives in the life of that daughter.
In Nancy’s case, she felt abandoned and that has affected her relationship with the male species she has encountered through her life.
She is scared to commit completely to anyone cause she doesn’t want to be abandoned again like her father did. Living and Sleeping with those guys or so called ‘brothers’ is a result of a tampered self esteem.
For the guy, he has 2 options. He either kills his feelings for her and walk away. Or, he brace up himself for the task ahead.
The task won’t be a small or painless one.
He would have to really be strong and make up his mind to make the required sacrifices and help her.
These are the tasks;
* Try and understand her past in order to be able to help her work on herself.
* Encourage her to see a therapist
* Work on her relationship with God
* Forgive her parents
* Show her that you care and you won’t abandon her
* Let her see that you are willing to journey the process of discovering her true self with her.
* Consistently pray for her
But my brother, you on your own part needs to be strong because such women are really troublesome and only a patient and loving man can love them back to healing.
Just like Joyce Meyer, her father abused her and it took the interventions of God and the husband to fix her.
I pray that the Lord will guide you in your decision.
Oga u are. Not in love u are in stupidity ,u are seeing all the negatives sign yet u are still going into it ,what more danger sign do u need to know Nancy is not good for u ,first she has alot of guys friends more than lady friend first red flag she can cheat on u anytime , second she slept with the three guy meaning she was having threesome with three guys and u are thinking in ur small mind u can satisfy her ,maka How ? She behaves like a guy yet she tell u that she has done terrible things u are still looking for love ,I am guessing she might also have been into lesbian here I feel so ,when a lady hides her past from u it is because she knows u wouldn’t like it when she tells u trust me God loves u that’s why he brought all those red flag for u to see ,if guys had the opportunity u had they would be doing testimony in church if u made this mistake now u make it forever ,and she lies too how can u say u want to end up with someone who would look at u Straight in the face and lie to u ,common guy where is ur brain ,a woman who lies can also kill u if she needs that to protect her interest,ur problem is that u are too delusional having faith where hopelessness dwells ,this is why I used to tell me guy whenever u are dating a lady who prepare for the worst they are full of surprises so u are not caught aware ,u don’t need to beg her to change look for someone better to stay with ,she has made u invest too much in her and now u have made her part of what should not have existed oga seek wisdom from God but man leave Nancy alone u can’t fix anywoman how much a woman who feels she isn’t good enough for u ,she would jump from one bed to another even after marriage and still feel she is not good enough for u ,might u she isn’t remorseful can’t u see u are wasting effort