True Life Story: My Husband Left Us For Two Years Without Any Explanation-Should I Continue To Wait?
Dear Lively Stones,
Today makes it two years that my husband left our home. I am very exhausted and I need advice. I got married to someone who has a very short and hot temper. The marriage of eight years was a horror all through.
First, my husband was all about having a male child after we have had 3 girls. He kept saying he is the first son in his family and that if I can’t give him a son, he will marry a second wife.
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Just to have a male child, I had to save up to N5M, even borrowed from my elder siblings to do IVF. It was a hard and tough experience for me. My husband was even unwilling to donate his sperm for the procedure until I got his uncle to convince him.
I was finally able to have my son prematurely. He was in ICU for 4 weeks but God saw me through. One would think the male son would end all our issues but it didn’t. My husband was always upset at any slightest opportunity.
Then came the beating. It started because my 7 year daughter was watching cartoon and he wanted to watch football. So he changed the channel and she was crying. So I told him that he should consider she’s a child and next thing, he beat me cos he said I am not raising my daughter well.
It was an unhappy experience for me. But I kept praying as everyone was advising. Then one day, I came back from work and discovered my husband has packed his things and left the house. I panicked and called his family and they told me that their son has moved on.
I was confused. Moved on… How? I asked if he wanted a divorce and they did not answer me. I called and discovered my husband had blocked me. My family sent people to his family and they were like I should do whatever I like but if I file for divorce, that they will take my children from me. Some said my husband said he is tired of the marriage. I asked if there is another woman involved, no one answered me.
Since then, I have been living all by myself. I have no idea where my husband is. I don’t know if he is in the country or not. Rumor has it that he is in Abuja but I don’t know for sure. When my children ask me where their father is, I have no answer for them. I have cried many nights for this wicked husband of mine. Feeding and caring for the children with little help from my family and one of my husband’s best friend…Uncle Tony.
Being a lonely woman has not been easy. Uncle Tony has been asking me to be his woman. He is a divorcee. His wife cheated on him with her boss four years ago. Tony feels the same way as me. Someone betrayed by their spouse. Now, it’s been two years and I want to file for divorce.
Tony has been good to me and I think he will make a good partner cos he understands me very well. Even when my husband was around, he used to wonder why I ended up with such a man. . Last month, I went to get a lawyer to start the divorce proceedings, the lawyer filed and the court sent a copy of the filing to my husband’s family.
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They sent it to him and he called me to say he is sorry and does not want a divorce. He said he will come back so we can discuss. My family is saying I should forget about him cos of how he has treated me. Tony too wants us to move forward.
I know my husband’s has betrayed me but his call has startled me. Even though since that time he has not called back or shown any interest. I don’t know if I should keep hope alive that our marriage might work or just continue with the divorce process.
Please advise me.
Anonymous
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Proceed with the divorce.
Dear poster your husband is attempting to control the situation.
He wants you to be left hanging so, he can dangle you around & around for however long he wants to.
He really doesn’t care anymore. He showed you this when he moved out. Right!
If I were you, I would …… show a happy face when around him. Showing him that you are doing just fine. Peaceful as you can be without him there, {that will be good for you to keep positive and drive him crazy because, he wants you unhappy}.
I would advice you to keep your mind uncluttered with thoughts of him and what he has done to you.
Instead find out the resources you need for a divorce. Study up on everything. When you’re ready, get a lawyer to advise you and file the papers with out your husband.
You can not wait until he is ready! He could play around forever! Be serious about it. Let him see that you want out. Your not waiting until he matures and gets ready.
They can not force you to stay married. File it yourself! Show him your not his toy to mess around with. It could make him mad but, who cares. He is already unhappy about life. That is why he moved out, to have fun without you.
As for uncle Tony it’s your choice if you feel you are ready remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you are valued, respected, and supported.
If your husband is unwilling to work towards a resolution or is not meeting your needs in the marriage, it may be necessary to consider what is best for your own well-being and happiness in the long run. Trust yourself to make decisions that are aligned with your values and priorities,
You are stronger than you realize, and you have the resilience to overcome whatever challenges come your way.
Take care
The best thing is to complete the divorce process, block him and his entire family then move on with your life and trust God to take care of you. Meanwhile take your time with Tony. Don’t be in a rush cos of your children. Shalom
If you intend to file for a divorce, no probs but do away with tony, it doesn’t make sense….how can a friend talk trash about his fellow guy to his woman….that doesn’t sit well, but it’s your choice…don’t handle everything with emotions instead think deeply…: