Hello Lively Stones,
I need some advice. I am in a long distance relationship. My fiance is in Japan, a business man. He shuttles Nigeria and Japan doing export business. It was through the clearing and forwarding agent that I work with, that I met him. He is nice, we try to talk alot on phone to make up for not being together and I know he loves me alot. We want to get married maybe next year…
Sometimes, I ask him how we will do our marriage since he travels 60% of the time, but he will say, we will get used to it. When we got engaged, I was happy but at the back of my mind, I was praying to God to intervene, to show my with a sign if this man was to be my future husband and if so, God should give me the grace to accept it.
Since then, alot of guys have come around but none of them can compare with my fiancé except Femi. Femi is an Uber driver who I met a couple of months ago. He is a middle aged guy, but quite educated and friendly. We hit it off when he first picked me up for a ride and ever since, I have been using him for all my uber needs. I noticed Femi is a very loving ,gentle and caring man. It was easy to gist with him.
Femi is a divorcee with a teenage daughter. He talks alot bout his daughter, I could see means alot to him. Femi told me he loves me, but he knows he is not up to my class cos he is doing Uber. I told him that means nothing, I need a man who can takes of me and love me genuinely. He asked me out and we went out a few times and I must say I like alot. Femi wanted me to meet his daughter when her birthday came up last month, so I agreed to come to the girl’s party.
When I got to the party, I could not believe my eyes. It was like a big owambe party. I was like, how can Femi afford all of these? But I later found out that Femi’s ex….the daughter’s mother is wealthy. And she was even at the party. She looked so elegant and beautiful. She looked S**y with her see through black sheer top and short skirts. Femi’s daughter is also so sweet…we had a great time and I wanted to leave after a while but Femi begged me to wait for cutting of the cake, so he can take pictures with his daughter, and after then, he can drop me off. I said ok.
I pretty much started focusing on my phone cos Femi had gone to do something and I did not know anyone around me. After a while, like 35 mins or so, it was time for cutting of the cake and everyone was asking for the Femi and his wife. Someone volunteered to go look for them and like 6 mins later, both Femi and his ex wife showed up, first Femi…next the ex. Then the MC at the party made a comment like, it seems like the parents of the celebrant went to make another baby, everyone laughed at the joke…but I did not find that funny.
After the party, I was very quiet as Femi went to drop me off…he noticed and asked me why I was so quiet. I had to tell him that I did not find the joke the MC made about him and his ex…Femi laughed and said, some people dont know they are separated. I was : separated or divorced? Femi said divorced. That was when I asked him why he always said they were divorced when they were separated and I wanted to know what happened between them.
Femi said the wife is from a rich family and they want to control his marriage. So, he left the marriage after several years of conflict with his wife and her family, he said he was constantly disrespected and his wife took her family’s side on everything. Things got worse when he lost his bank job, they ridiculed him when he took on Uber job. So he left their home and went to rent a 2 bedroom flat. So, the big beautiful house we just left the party from is their house but mostly financed by his wife and her family.
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I was not satisfied with the separation story. I told him I cant date a man that is not legally divorced. He said ok. So, he dropped me off and didn’t call me for days. I missed him so much, that I texted him to come cos I was missing him. He did not respond to me, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I went over to his place. When he opened the door, he was shocked I was at the door….he tried to prevent me from coming in…so I asked him what he was hiding.
Femi knelt down and began to beg me, that he has his ex in his house but its not what it seems. That he said he was heart broken after I broke up with him, that he has not been himself for days, he could not go out to work and he could not eat. His daughter told her mother and she came over…but nothing happened between them. That its just a big f*ck up that I suddenly appeared at the door when she was around to bring him food cos she was worried.
I got very upset and told Femi it was over…I was not going to do this baby mama dram with him….I dont know if he is telling the truth or lying…he seemed really genuine when he was begging me not to read any meaning to his baby mama being around but I left in anger. I sent him several texts cursing him and blocked his no. I made up my mind to forget Femi and focus on my fiancé.
Femi followed me home and made a dramatic scene where he was shouting and saying if I dont allow him come inside….he would not leave. My neighbors were now staring, so I let him in…Femi begged and begged and we somehow ended up having S** for the first time since we started dating in three months. That is my life now….Femi says nothing is going on with him and his ex abi separated wife but every time she calls…he goes into another room to take her call or he wont take her call if am around.
I have asked him why he cant take her call in front of me…he said I wont understand and he does not want to loose me, so he would rather not take her call in front of me. The few times he takes her call in front of me, he actually starts by asking her if the call is not about their daughter, she should stop calling him so that makes me want to believe Femi is genuine but this constant wife or ex wife interference is really getting to me. I sometimes feel like I am wasting my time with Femi cos clearly the woman is not giving up on him easily.
I am torn at what decision I need to make cos I am very much in love with Femi….Femi is a good guy…nice and calm…he cant seem to say no to anyone or be unkind to anyone…no wonder the does not want to let him go. This whole thing is making me loose interest in my Fiancé…and my fiancé has started noticing…he is asking me if I still want to continue our engagement or not….I worry cos I don’t know what the future holds for me….Femi is determined to divorce the wife but the wife said its not over until its over….the woman keeps trying to use her daughter and her money to lure Femi….is my future with a man who will not always be there for me or with a man who’s ex wife will never let go of?
From Anonymous
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You’ve seen the red flag, keep making excuses for him. Chicken
This story is complicated like you indicated but God gives clarity if we will seek His face and sincerely listen to Him.
I will suggest you leave Femi.
Many times, this type of relationship ends up breaking you and leaving you at the corner where you can’t trust men again.
Femi is still with his wife and the tendency of you enjoying the marriage with Femi is less than 50%.
Their child is the bond. He still loves his wife but only wish she can support him rather than her family.
Didn’t he see the lady’s family to be wealthy from the beginning?
Don’t let your heart be used. You may be used and dumped soon, intentionally or unintentionally.
Focus on your fiancé and keep talking to God about the nature of his business and your desire for you guys to be together always.
He won’t be like this forever. Who knows, he might reconsider when you get married to do what works for you guys.
Stay away from Femi, I don’t see that relationship working.
Even if it must work, let him be bold to complete his divorce and convince you that you are safe and won’t have his wife show up all the time. But, it’s inevitable with their daughter involved.
Continue your search for a husband in prayers and be firm to settle with what works for your happiness and peace of mind.
When did you even meet Femi that you are already somuch in love with him bayi?
This ‘Femo lala’ is a game player ooo,the guy is calm,good,soft spoken according to you but he knows what he is doing.
Without talking too much, forget him,he is irresponsible, whoever that you have called an ex, should remain in the past,why allow your ex wife come into a relationship you’re building?
Abeg face your front and look for better person,if your fiance abroad is not serious and if you also feel long distant relationship is not your thing,abeg japa.