True Life Story: My Wife Is Bringing Bad Luck And Frustration To My Life
Good afternoon Lively Stones,
Please you people should help me with advise. Its a very long story but I cannot type too much, so I will try and make it short. I got married at the age of 41. My family members actually forced me to marry because I was too career driven at the time, I was not thinking of relationship. So, my parents suggested a young lady from my village, they sent her over to me in the city, this girl was a very pretty graduate of NCE and she seduced me the very first time we met, we had s3x.
Not too long, she got pregnant and my family arranged for her bride price to be paid because I said I no money for big wedding. They did the traditional rites and said I can do the church wedding when I am ready financially. That is how our marriage started. She was pregnant and so could not work when she moved into my house. So I was responsible for all our needs in the home.
I would not say I was in love with my wife because I have been in love many years ago, this time, it was not love but I was getting too old and my folks forced a wife on me cos time was not on my side. I did not reject the wife cos she was pretty and sexy and looked like a wife material. However, I did not know that my wife was not an ambitious woman. I have always imagined I would marry a woman that would team up with me and build a future together.
Unfortunately, all my wife can think of is doing petty trades. I even encouraged her to apply for teaching jobs with her NCE after our son became 1 year. Instead…she got pregnant immediately. And her pregnancy makes her very sick so she cannot work. That is how I ended up having 4 children in three and half years. It seemed like, I was now the breadwinner. My wife was not contributing anything significant.
This situation made me angry most times, you know na…things are hard…all my colleagues, their wives support them…my own only sells ground nut or fruits. Eventually, I got her a job as a teacher in a primary school but they fired her cos she was not even a good teacher. She confessed to me that she really does not want to do teaching …I asked her what she wants to do…she says I should open buka for her, that she likes cooking and believes she can sell and make money.
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Na so I borrowed 150k to get small shop and set up her buka. In less than 3 months, business failed. No profit came out…she was in more debt than when she started. I now had to be repaying a debt that no impact in our lives. I was very upset. About a year later, she said she wanted to learn how to sew. I had a serious talk with her to take her life serious cos I need her to be a support and not a liability. I paid for the sewing class.
Two months into the six months class course, my wife had a fall out with the owner of the place she was learning. The woman complained of gossiping and sowing seed of discord among the other ladies learning to sew. She even refunded the money we paid. I had to call my wife’s parents to talk to their daughter cos I was tired. In today’s Nigeria, everyone knows how difficult it is to survive…and my wife is not making any effort to support me.
My wife’s father called me to insult me, saying its not a woman’s place to work to support her husband. That I should be a man and take care of my family and stop complaining. It then dawned on me, that my wife is lazy and spoilt because that is how her family is. Her mother does not work but their father inherited some houses from their grandfather, all they do is collect rent, which they use to survive, they never work.
I started to feel like I made a mistake in marrying my wife. We have four children that I did not plan for, I kept telling her to use family planning that other women use but she lied to me that she did…when she gets pregnant, she will say its God’s will. I am frustrated. The little money I earn cannot sustain us. I have visions and dreams for my life. I want to be able to work and afford a better life but it seems with this woman, I cannot achieve much in life.
My wife will be fighting me everyday for money for food and other items;I try to drop but I sincerely dont have. I had to borrow from my office cooperative for our last house rent and children school fees. So, every month, out of my 189k salary, I came home with only about 50k a month. Do the math: I will pay transport to work, drop money for food, pay NEPA, water bill, security bill, with four children and a wife…how do I cope?
So one day, I got really very frustrated, I got drunk. So, I went to sleep it off…only to wake up to go and pee after I slept so deep for like 20 mins…our apartment is a one room self contain…I opened the toilet ….and saw the back of a man….with his trousers down…he was f*cking my wife who was bent over the toilet seat. I thought it was the alcohol that was making me see strange things but I shouted hey….who are you,….what is going on here…the man turned around and low, it was my neighbor.
My neighbor that drives keke….also is from the same village as my wife and I. This man I took like a relative was f*cking my wife…I was still too drunk cos I tried to hit him, he pushed me and ran outside. My wife quickly pulled her pant up and also ran out of the toilet. I was in shock…I went after my wife and began to beat her. All I could feel was so much anger and frustration that I wanted to finish her. As far as I know, all she brings is bad luck since I married her.
I threw her things out and asked her to leave my house. Other neighbors were begging me to forgive her. Then her mother called…I was happy she called cos I wanted to tell them to expect their daughter. Instead of blaming her daughter, her mother blamed me for my wife’s cheating. She said, that her daughter was pushed to cheat cos she and the children had not eaten for two days and there was no money, so she slept with my neighbor who said he will give her money if she lets him f*ck her.
Can you imagine the kind of parents my wife has? Is that an excuse to cheat on your husband? How long have they been fcking? Have I not tried as a man? Marriage of almost five years, I have been the only breadwinner…the lazy wife refusing to work or support me? Do they want to kll me? My blood pressure has gone up so much. It was because of one elderly man in my compound that I allowed my wife to come inside but I have told her to leave by month end or I will leave.
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In all my life, I have never laid hands on a woman before. I am so ashamed of the wife I married. See what she is turning me into, everyone in the compound is laughing at me. Even my parents who forced me to marry her are regretting. They say I can do whatever I like cos they have tried to intervene and talk to my wife but she disrespects them cos her family is in support of her bad behaviour.
What else have I not done? I need your advise because another matter has come up and this time…it may be a sign that I need to divorce my wife. Please I need your advise before I continue my story…where I will share an opportunity that has come up for me, which will change my life but I need your advise on how to handle this matter with my wife…is there still any hope for this marriage to work at all? is this wife not a destiny destroyer? Please advise me.
Anonymous
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You need to be sure the four children are even yours. Your wife can never change,she was raised that way,to be dependent.
You have to give her a second chance,after that,if she doesn’t change then separate from her,that woman is not helping you rather she is dragging you backwards in life.
Nawaoooo,Keke driver inside your house,what my gender cannot do does not exist. I hail oooooo,my fellow gender.
This story is so touching,sorry dear poster. Don’t rush into marriage because of pressure or what people will say,shebi una don see this renewed shege banza pro max abi. It’s well
Man u were building Ur life well till they brought a woman for u and u got complicated
This is why I do discourage men from having wife based on other peoples opinion and desire ,Ur wife came to complicate Ur life ,if u were not married to her Ur life would still be better
Ur wife being lazy is a bad sign she have sex with another man ,is unforgivable
Except u are willing to risk Ur life
A woman who has being caught cheating is a dangerous woman ,Ur life is a needle thread ,she can even poison u because the biggest disrespect a woman u called URS can give u ,is to share her body with another man
When some women are tired of disrespecting u , because they feel u are weak their next approach is to cheat on u
Sir listen to me never take her back ,she is an extremist , destructive ,lady and cheating woman
Ask urself what positive has come out from marrying her
I bet u would say nothing
So for goodness sake , anybody that tells u to forgive her doesn’t love u , infact they are planning bad things for u
Infact if I am u I would hate anybody that tells me she deserves forgiveness no ,she doesn’t put her away so u can move ahead
U don’t deserve this level of severe wickedness from her or her family
What have u done ,is it wrong for a man to love his wife ?
U are just too nice ,no wonder they made u suffer so much
About Ur children ,how do u even know if they are all URS ,since she can cheat on u under Ur noise
U can’t ,it can even be she gave u other men’s children to raise
Do not forgive her
Put her away she is negative and would destroy u before u realised it
If u got the cash ,do DNA test for all her Children ,u never can tell u might be lucky to find out none of the children might be URS ,just thinking .
Dear writer,
It’s a pity you got caught in the web of circumstances and infidelity by your partner.
Well, the error started when you showed a level of unconcerned and permitted others to make a choice and determine what happens in a serious area of your life.
We won’t blame your wife for seducing you. If you have self-control and have qualities you needed, you will appreciate her beauty but be wise to doing background check and how to eat the forbidden fruit.
You gave her every reason to be what she is today. If you don’t tame a dog from the beginning, you can’t determine what it does to you on the long run.
Building your career, you didn’t plan for marriage otherwise you would have taken the right actions even when she was confirmed pregnant.
I won’t judge you for seeking for your wife to be working too. Like you stated, you like ambitious women and planned to build with your wife… You forgot this when you were seduced and deceived by her beauty.
With her actions of respect and cheating, backing from her family and your family’s stand due to her disrespect, I would suggest a separation.
While she is on her leave, put your life together. Be the man again. Ensure she takes a skill and ensure there is a complete change in her attitude and acquisition of a skill, true repentance then you can take her back. The kids must be adequately taken care of while you gain your health and life back.
Be kind to forgive her. Pay attention to your health.
Confirm those kids are all yours before anything else.
Every family needs to raise the kids with good values. Your wife’s story depicts she has wrong Orientation and values and could be transferred to your kids if you don’t fix that.
People will blame you when the kids grow up like what you will be proud of hence think through and find what will fix that.
If anyone blames you for being a career person and earning less than 200k then it tells that we act oblivion of career ladder in many industries and states in Nigeria.
There is no stable career salary growth pattern hence you have no blame over your earning or desire for an assistant from your wife.
The issue remains that your marriage foundation was faulty and illusive.
Think through. Pray well.
If you need to step out of the house to breathe, do so.
But, be in-charge and consider yourself and your kids in it all. Your wife seems to know a selfish way around her issues and takes care of herself all the time.
Peace ️.
You are really a lazy man.
Your wife doesn’t support you..
Is it your right?
Instead of you to explore family planning methods you said she should use the ones her fellow women use.
Now you have 4 children living in a one bedroom apartment.
When you know you weren’t ready to get married you started impregnating a woman.
You are really a lazy, irresponsible man.