True Life Story: My Three Years Marriage Is Full Of Nothing But Regrets
Hello Lively Stones,
My name is Edith (nit real name). I am going to be 32 years old in April this year. I have been married for four years and my marriage has done nothing but brought me frustration since day one. Me and my husband dated long distance for most part of the relationship. I was in the East while he was in Lagos. I visited and spent some time with him during our dating. Even when we got married, I stayed back in the East cos of my government job.
So, I really did not know my husband had a terrible secret until I was able to work my transfer after about one year later. Two months before I moved to Lagos, my husband lost his job. So, I was the one taking care of the family financially since as he has not been able to find a job. And I do not think he can ever find a job cos after I moved to Lagos, I realized my husband has a drinking problem.
Yes, he is an alcoholic. There is no day that he does not get drunk. He will wake up in the guise of going to look for a job everyday but end up in the beer palour where he drinks until he passes out. Sometimes, he will drink and patronize prostitutes who will take whatever change he has on him. When I challenge him, he will say what else do I want him to do when he has no job.
I gave him 200k that I had as my savings to go and start any business…even if its Keke….I don’t know what happened to the money till today. I have quarreled with him several times….inf act, its quarrel every day in our marriage. On top of that, I am under pressure to get pregnant and that has never happened since we got married. I have been so worried that I went to hospital. I was told to do many tests and all the test reveal there is nothing wrong with me.
The doctor said my husband should come for tests but he refused. We quarreled about that. The drinking is too much. Its making us quarel more than even trying to make babies. Then I complained to my inlaws….they now cautioned him and told him to follow me to hospital for tests…that maybe if we get pregnant, our problems will be solved. just to be sure everything is ok. Of course, everything is not ok…they said he has low sperm count and he should stay off alcohol.
This my husband is stubborn and wicked…he started taking local gin ….saying the thing cures low sperm. And you know, that local gin is so powerful that when you are drunk….the person can pass out for almost a whole day. I got very tired. It was affecting me at work, I started to go lean. I stopped giving him money cos he was just using to drink and sleep with girls. The last issue that happened between us was last November.
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I came back from work and met my husband drunk with a prostitute lying naked with him in or bed….this was around 2pm in the day. I got mad and started breaking things. I almost killed my husband that stupid slut that day. Can you imagine….this man has turned me to a laughing stock? Bringing a prostitute to my home…our bed….he was saying he regretted marrying me….that I brought him back luck. I had enough….I packed my things and left to my parents that day.
I told my parents I was done with the marriage. My husband and his family called and called and begged me to give him another chance. I told them I will not return until he can proof that he can stay off drinking and prostitutes. They kept telling me that he had stopped but it was a lie cos I asked one of my neighbors to spy on him for me. So, I have refused going back since.
Then in December, something happened. One of the men that was toasting me before I got married came into town for the Christmas. He must have heard I was having issues in my marriage cos he started coming for me again. I initially rejected him but he began to tell me things that I was longing to hear…that I deserved better in marriage…that everyone knows I was deceived to marry my huband….that since there is no child involved….its better I leave him and marry someone who will treat me better.
Now, I am still in my parents house…its new year…going back to my husband’s house seems like it will not happen cos from what I hear…my neighbor is even saying that he is telling everyone that he regrets marrying me….that he will not beg me again ….that I am bad luck, that if I was good…why have I not been able to get pregnant….he is boasting that his manhood is strong that is why he can sleep with plenty girls without getting tired…yet, I have am unable to conceive.
Some people are encouraging me to come back and work on the marriage…maybe try to get pregnant….and maybe this an will change….that if I stay too long, another woman will can bear will soon take over my home and have kids for him (genuine or not) and maybe my parents will soon get tired of seeing me in their house too.
I am confused on what to do…meanwhile, the man toasting me is running out of patience….should I accept him? I am not getting any younger….or should I just sleep with him ….maybe to get pregnant and claim the baby for my husband? Please don’t judge me….its People saying children bring good luck to marriage….maybe if I conceive, things will turn around for my marriage? What should I do?
Please advise me.
Anonymous
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Dear poster, thank God there’s no child involved makes it easier to anul the marriage. Don’t go back with the hope he would change. What if he doesn’t? Put that in your consideration. A man that looks for excuse to drink went from bear to gin and you think he would change. Good luck to you. The earlier you accept the situation the better. Work on your self please. Your husband won’t change. Bringing a child in this kind of marriage would be the worst decision. But it’s your choice at the end of the day. You want to go back into the marriage with the hope that he changes when you start having kids. What if he doesn’t change? What will you do by then? Make your decisions wisely. It is well
Madam listen to me real good ,u are seeing danger ahead of u but u are willing to jump into it ,I would say with no apologies this is foolishness ,how can u get pregnant for a man who doesn’t respect u ? don’t u know the fact u are not pregnant for him might be a sign of God helping u , someone who doesn’t appreciate u ,how then can he appreciate ur child , please don’t take this useless risk ,they want to send u to ur early grave ,u have made a mistake once please it is high time u correct it .
Go for the new man who is seeking for ur attention ,the new man who love u then before u married and still love u after u were married ,and he is still showing his attention for u when u were rejected by ur lover
If u choose to have a child for this man ,the u might have ur self to blame for whatever negative consequences that comes ur way ,after marriage as a woman it is rare that any man would still seek to desire u ,but if u see A man that sincerely loves u at your trying time ,then don’t risk it .
A child would not solve ur marriage problem with ur drunkard husband as a matter of fact it would escalate ur problem and u would potentially lose the new man .
U are not meant to suffer because u are married ,even God does not support sufferhead marriage ,how does a man call u bad luck and u can even for one second think of having a child for that man .
This is why he can’t respect u because he knows no matter how hard he despise u ,u would keep coming back for more
Pls dear , surprised him this time and surpassed his expectations.
Don’t go back to that good for nothing man,can’t you see he is dragging you backwards in life.
* No job
* No money
* No good attitude
* He is not responsible
* No good sense of reasoning
* He womanizes and a drunk
* He might even infect you with STDs
* Can’t impregnate you
* An ingrate and a squander
Give the other man a chance but becareful,as long as I’m concerned,that marriage is over. Do not give him another chance because he doesn’t deserve it. Madam find your square root and dey your lane,the marriage is already affecting your health,you are already growing lean.
Know what you want and go for it,mind you,you are still young and beautiful,age is still on your side,you can’t afford to enter fire after you have left frying pan. Be wise!
Insensitive!
Woman, life and death are before you, choose you today what you want.
Don’t tell the deaf, there is an outbreak of war.
Your mistake was believing him in the first place but your doom will be to return to him.
For that marriage and your husband, tell them goodbye. If you return there, you may not come out alive. Your husband is undeserving of you. Don’t think of taking in for him or for another man and taking to him, your case and life will be SORRY.
For the new man, tell him to give you little time to fix your heart and thoughts to avoid threading by heart not head.
Take your time to do your investigations well about him, his jobs, environment, relationships with people, run all tests required, his relationship with God and and values.
Don’t allow your age push you into be faster than your timing. All that glitters aren’t gold. Marriage should be sweeter as it ages not otherwise. Bearing a child should not drive you rather enjoying your marriage and fulfilling your purpose.
I will advice that you return bride price to your in-laws, end the marriage, find a place away from him and job, start a fresh life, get into a new network and breathe.
Then you can consider other men and marriage.
Don’t hurry in to hurry out due to hurt. Apply the lessons from this marriage.
Cheers.
Dear poster, in as much as change is constant, the truth is your husband can never change cos he hasn’t realized he has a problem…please do not go back to him, as for the new man you can keep him under watch, be sure about his intentions before saying yes to him , but make sure u divorce your hubby… it is well dear….