True Life Story: How Do I Forgive My Fiancée After She Lied In Her Confession To Me?
Hi Lively Stones,
I met Uju (not real name) last year in January. We met at a Tech conference, I realize that she is a smart software developer but was working in a small IT company. When we got talking, it was more of she was looking for a mentor in the Tech business. So, I told her I would look out for opportunities for her. Sometimes, when I got some side jobs to build stuff for my clients, I would give it to her just to make some money.
Eventually, I told her I liked her alot, she said she liked me too…so we started dating. Uju is a very pretty girl that has a certain naiveness around her but sometimes, it could be flirty as well. As our relationship progressed, I got her an apple laptop and iphone cos she is a very smart girl as well. The only issue I noticed was, it seemed like her boss who is also in the Tech space was a very demanding boss.
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The pay at her job is small but they use her alot. She works up till late night….weekends, etc….which most of us in the Tech space do but the worse is, sometimes, the boss calls the employees to work over the weekend. I get it, the guy is an entrepreneur trying to build a business but calling people to come to your house to work is unprofessional. I told Uju I didnt like it but she was like, she is not the only one doing it.
So, our plan was for us to quickly find Uju a job, so she can quit this shitty job. Last December, we both met each other’s parents and I proposed to Uju on the first on January this year. Then something happened in February…I can’t remember the full details but me and Uju had a big fight. We both hurt each other’s feelings deep. And we broke up. I had a miserable valentine cos I thought she would reach out and apologize so we can be together for Val but she did not reach out.
I missed her so much that I had to swallow my pride and begged her to be my gal again in April. Thankfully, she also got a good job in that same month, so things are going quite well for us. We started making plans for introduction and traditional marriage in July, the wedding will be in August. Based on that, we started attending marriage counselling in her church every Saturday. Its a compulsory 3 months class that one must attend before wedding. We started it last month.
Two Saturdays ago, after the counselling class, I noticed Uju was very quiet. I was like, what is the issue, why are you sad? She was like, nothing. So I told her lets spend the weekend together in my place. I took her to the mall, we saw a movie, I was doing all these to lift her spirit….later we went home….after we showered, I started trying to cheer up up, kissing and make out with her….next thing…she burst out crying. I was now confused.
I was like….what is going on…since morning you have been so moody…did someone die? Are you feeling sick…what is it…Uju was like…I have to promise to forgive her for what she is about to tell me….I was like…what is it….almost getting impatient….she was like…she cant go on with our marriage plans anymore without telling me what she did…long story short…Uju confessed that when we broke up in February….
Uju said that she was so depressed that one of the days in February, that when she went to her boss house to work, the boss noticed it and he was trying to cheer her up…one thing led to another and they had S**. According to her…she felt so lonely and sad…and the boss was saying so many lovely things, she lost herself….
Now we are back…all is going fine but her conscience is eating her up, especially after we had our marriage counselling class where they were teaching us about being faithful in marriage…that she knows I may never forgive her but she will fight for my forgiveness cos she loves me and so she cannot ever lie to me about such a thing.
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To be honest, this was the last thing I was expecting to hear from Uju…I felt like my whole world just shattered….I praised her for her honesty but I needed time to process things. That was so deep…I kept telling myself to forgive her after all…she did it while we were broken up. So, I was bringing myself to forgive her so I told her to let me know how many times she slept with her boss…she said only once.
Only once for me, I would have been able to look beyond it…but something in me wanted to be sure that it was only once…so I cloned her phone….and tracked her conversations with the boss and found out that they had S** several times in February and March….I kept seeing S** chats between them but towards the end of March, she started messaging him that it was over between them cos she found him f*cking another girl in their office.
That was the last time they talked until we reconciled in April. Mehn….Uju lied when she said she only slept with the guy once but since we got back….there has not been any conversations with the guy…so am wondering….should I tell her I know she lied or should I just accept her lie since she has not been contacting the guy? Or is this a red flag for our relationship? I wont lie…I am hurt by this but I love Uju like mad…can I forgive this lie? Should I?
Does it mean I would be marrying someone who is a liar? I know she said only once cos shes afraid but what else will she lie about in future? I am not a saint but I am not a liar…am I being too paranoid? At least, she told me about the affair but she was not completely honest about it…if you were in my shoes, will you still marry Uju? Or will you leave the past in the past and forge on with the woman of your dreams?
Please advice me.
Anonymous
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Uju has been dating her boss before you guys broke up in February.
You need to let her know she lied to you, saying she only slept with her boss once is a big lie,she should have just confessed wholeheartedly instead of trying to paint things in her favour.
Forgive her and continue with the marriage and don’t use it against her in marriage, please.
Just make her promise you that she will never cheat on you,thank God she has left the former office for another office. Please unclone her phone,stop monitoring her .
Your marriage is blessed,amen.
Dear poster
1. Cloning your partners phone means you don’t trust them and that’s not healthy for the relationship so I advise you don’t do that to her or anyone else
2. She cheated when you Guys weren’t to together whether she told you the full truth or the half truth she still tried to tell you something about what happened for me that’s a plus so what you found out was cos she didn’t want to hurt you so much that’s why she said once my take though
3. Love is patient it’s kind true love forgives learn to forgive it might take time but time they say heals all wounds so with time you will learn to move pasted this
My own two cents ✌️
You will be a fool if you marry her. So, a lady told you she slept with her boss once and you believed it was once? Lol, you these men don’t know women at all like I always say on Twitter @GODispatriarchy.
Let me tell you this bro, most times when a lady tells you she cheated on you, she wants you to see her as a “honest ” person to deceive you into thinking that she will not do it again, so she goes ahead and lot of men fall for it.
The fact that she told you it’s once is enough reason to dump her, you still went ahead to continue the relationship, you these simp men don’t learn at all, you worship women, you think women can do no evil.
I repeat, you will be a FOOL to continue with her, and yes, tell her you know she slept with her boss several times.
Bro, you even said she stopped having S.e.x with her boss because she found out he was sleeping with another lady, she came back to you because you are a better option, so this proves my statement of her confessing to you so you think she is honest and won’t do it again while in future she will.
Bro, DO NOT take her back, dump her this moment and yes, tell her you know she had S.e.x with her boss several times. But bro, why in the world will a woman tell you she stopped having S.e.x with her boss because he was S.e.xing another lady, like how? Men like you are so blue pilled, you are simps, manginas, white knights and women worshippers, you act silly for women.
I wish you well bro. I am on Twitter @GODispatriarchy.
✌
Bro. The second comment above is manipulative, don’t fall for it. That lady doesn’t love you. Be wise
She was honest enough to let you know what happened when you broke up.
Forgive her and continue with the relationship only if you know you will unclone her phone, never clone it again and you would never use this against her.
Have you ever told a lie in your entire life? Why did you lie? You were afraid of what the other person will think? Telling a lie is not right but look at the bigger picture, she told you the truth that something happened between her and her boss and she did that because she is serious with you and she wants a new slate.
Going for marriage counselling is building on a good foundation. Can you let go of the past? If not, what guarantee do you have that the next lady you meet will not have a past too? What if they hold it against you that you were close to marrying someone else rather than them etc.
Despite all our wrong doings, when we give our hearts to Christ and confess Him Lord of our lives like Uju will declare you her husband during your marital vows, He Christs blots our entire past and forgets it.
‘As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.’ Ps 103:12
Can you be like Christ and do the same?
Also ensure you are not sleeping together or you stop it completely from now until after marriage.
Unclone her phone. If you will never you it again tell her you know the truth in love and gently to help free her conscience and surge on.
Peace
You should confront her. You can’t build a good foundation in lies, let her be sincere but you must also be ready to hear the entire truth and process it with a calm mind.
Kings na wa for u o,na so u carry dey advise some body?