True Life Story: New Year Resolution-Should I Start A New Relationship Or Give My Boyfriend A Second Chance?
Good day house,
I need your candid advise. I am 27 years old. I am in a relationship with a single father. He is 28 years old. My boyfriend has a 13 year old daughter that is nothing but trouble. I teach so I can handle children, so when I met him and he told me about his daughter, I thought it was going to be easy for me but I was wrong.
My boyfriend and I have been going on strong for a year. There are no serious issues between us but this his daughter is something else. She can be nice but I think she lacks a mother figure and as a young teenager, she is probably finding it a tough. I try my best to be her friend so she can trust me and see me as that mother figure.
Her mother got pregnant when they were in secondary school and left her with her father and travelled abroad. My boyfriend’s parents are in the village. They raised her until she was ready for secondary school when it was decided that she should come stay in Lagos with her father for better schooling. Now, this girl like I said is ok but she can be nasty.
For example, she lies alot. When I catch her, she will beg me not to tell her father and because I want her to trust me, I will tell her not to do it again. Now, I have noticed that she has started talking to boys. I have caught her once and she begged me not to tell her father which I did not tell him but I made sure that I spoke to her for at least one hour so she can understand the danger in getting involved with boys at such a young age.
Then, something happened in school. She was caught making out with a male student and she was suspended. Her father was so angry with her and whilst I was trying to explain that its not by beating her that he will correct her, I mistakenly revealed that I have been trying to talk to her too. That was how he found out I was aware of her issues with boys and did not say anything.
My boyfriend was so upset that he told me he wanted us to take time apart. That he is not sure I am being a good mother example for his daughter. I was really hurt by his reaction cos I know he was only lashing out cos he probably does not want his daughter to end up like her mother, pregnant for a boy and having to raise a child as a single parent.
For two days, my boyfriend and I did not speak but his daughter was been calling me and chatting me to apologize. I told her its not her fault, so she should relax so me and her dad can sort things out. Just before Christmas, she called me and told me that she wants to tell me a secret and I must not tell her father. That her father is just using her as an excuse to try and break up with me because her father has a side chick.
This 13 year old girl tells me that she prefers me more to her father’s side chick and that she would rather have me as her mother than that other woman. I was seriously disturbed. So, my boyfriend is cheating on me? Being a bad example for his daughter yet angry with me for trying to help the girl?
I confronted my boyfriend about the side chick and he said its a lie that the daughter is trying to manipulate me. All these drama is making me exhausted. Who is lying: father or daughter? And how can I marry this man when his daughter, who is only 13 is such a manipulative and wayward daughter.
I love my man…he has been trying to apologize for us to get back together but the two days we spent apart got me thinking if I really want to get into this kind of future with this man and his daughter. What if I cannot really help the girl…she lies alot and she’s into boys too much…and how do I know the father is really not cheating on me?
I travelled for Christmas , everyday, the girl is begging me not to leave her father…I sometimes feel like if I leave her father, she might feel let down and even become a worse child…her father too is begging me. he finally admitted there was a girl but he is not serious about her …that its me he loves…but for the first time since we been dating for the past one year…I am really scared. I told him I needed time.
When I got back to Lagos last week , I went out to do some shopping in a supermarket. I met this guy that has been trying to get my attention in my area at a supermarket. He said hello and I said nothing but he walked me to get a taxi but eventually her gave me a ride home.
Nothing really happened but he told me he wants to be more than friends… he’s asking me if I am single cos he likes me. I told him its complicated…the way he was looking at me…my boyfriend has not looked at me like that in a long time. Could this be a sign? I suddenly had this urge to be in a normal relationship where I am the center of a man’s attention … not one that I am dragging attention with a man and his daughter or his side chick.
Suddenly, I want to try and give this new guy a chance but same time, I am thinking about him everyday since last week. I also think about my boyfriend…Its a new year…I do not like the confusion in my love life. This new guys wants to take me on a date…should I just go with him to see what it will be like? He seems very nice and very cool headed…I know its too soon to judge but I need help me make the best decision for my future: should I give my boyfriend one more chance or should I just end the relationship to try something new and normal for a change?
Anonymous
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You and your giy need to talk about your relationship and his daughter, but the issue is you can’t trust people, they can hide their cheating and pretend and you won’t suspect.
Forget the other guy, don’t go out with him. If you can sort things out with your man, good but if you can’t tell him you want a breakup and please don’t come back to him and delete his No and chats, its best like that, cos this issue of ex has destroyed marriages and relationships , but humans just love deceit and will still keep in touch with an ex, that’s why i said your both need to talk.
Peace
My dear, lemme advice you, these are really red flags. In as much as there is no perfect human but my dear chose your cross. Will you be able to bear a lying husband and step daughter who could teach your kids how to lie? He should be grateful he has you in his life. Think carefully and if you want, break up before you go into another, don’t double date.
Go on the date, be open minded but don’t compromise and don’t let your sense of reasoning be clouded. Just go out but don’t commit to any relationship with this new guy. As for your boyfriend, let him keep begging. You can mentor the girl without dating her father.
I second this. Everything you’ve said is what il’d advice her.
I’m sure if the tables were turned, you both on top wouldn’t give this advice. Why not let her know that the grass is not greener on the other side and she should make sure she’s sure that she doesn’t want any other thing to do with her boyfriend before going to explore??