True Life Story: Should I Go Back To My Ex-Husband Or Remain Lonely And Sad?

Hi Lively Stones,

This is a very difficult story for me to share because I am afraid of being judged if I share my story. But I am in love with a man who is also my baby daddy, Lance. We met eleven years ago. We dated for almost 2 years and then I got pregnant. Lance, asked me if I wanted to keep the baby, I was like, if we are not getting married, I am not having a baby outside wedlock. Lance questioned shocked me but it made me realize that he was not even thinking of marriage even after two years with him.

So I told him I was going to have an abortion. He said ok…that he will arrange for it. I was so sad and cried for a long time. On the day we were to go for the abortion, Lance noticed I was crying and sad, he then asked me if I really want to marry him….I was like…what kind of question is that….we both love ourselves…we are pregnant…we have had a good relationship for two years….so why wont I want to marry him?

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Lance then said ok…lets get married…that he can’t stand seeing me sad. So we made a U turn, went back home…a week later, we did traditional and court wedding with just few friends and family. I was happy…. I was married, I was in love….and I was going to have my baby. All was going well until my 7th month pregnancy. S** was not going as much as before. Lance told me he understood and did not to want to bother me too much. I thought he was just being a very thoughtful husband.

Until one day, I woke up and Lance was not in bed…I thought he was in the bathroom but after waiting for a few minutes and he did not come back, I had to go check …he was not in the bathroom…so I went to the sitting room….he was not there…I checked around the house….he was not in the house….I began to panic…I called his line…it was ringing and he was not picking up. I began to really fear…where is my husband. I went outside and saw his car was not outside.

Then I went to the security guy who told me Lance drove out like 20 minutes ago. I could not sleep until around 2.30am when Lance drove back. He was drunk and stoned. He said he went to get some fresh air. I was so surprised cos this was my first time seeing my husband drunk and stoned. But that was the beginning of the night runs. Every other night…like 3 times in a week…he would drive out to get some fresh air.

I began to suspect he was meeting someone for S**….so the next time he went out….I followed him with an uber that I arranged….me and the Uber guy followed my husband to a house in Ikoyi. We could not get into the house but I stayed in the car thinking of what to do…the uber guy was trying to discourage me from doing anything stupid cos of my condition but I told him not to worry.

I went to the gate and rang the bell…a security guard opened and asked me who I wanted to see…I told him Lance…the guy that just went into the house…I told him I was Lance wife and I was in labour….that he should help me…the guard had to allow me cos I was pretending to be in labour…..a few minutes later…Lance came to the security post and soon as I saw him….I rushed him and started fighting him and making a scene…I was trying to call out who ever Lance came to see in that house.

Lance bundled me and drove me back home…I did not see the person Lance was seeing but I knew he was cheating on me with whoever was in that house. When we got home…I was so upset that I started packing my things to leave. I was thinking he would plead with me to stay but he didnt…I packed and left with an Uber to my sister’s place in Ago palace that early morning.

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Lance did not call or text for three days. I was in shock. He did not even care about me. My sister advised that I go back home and settle with my husband cos he maybe angry that I followed him to Ikoyi to make a scene and accuse him of cheating without real evidence. I did not catch him with anyone at least….so I decided to go back home. I got home three days later around 10am…I got home and met a strange car parked in front of our apartment.

I got suspicious, so I decided to use my spare key to get into the house from the back door…when I got into the house…I went straight to the sitting room cos I was hearing noises…behold, it was Lance and another man whom I had never seen….they were but naked and fcking each other in the but. Lance….my husband is biS.e.xual…I found out by walking into him and his lover fcking like dogs in my sitting room. And he was drunk and stoned. There were so many bottles of alcohol and cocaine on the table.

Just to cut the story short…Lance finally told me that he is biS.e.xual and that is why he did not want to get married at first but he loves me so much but he also loves to have S** with men. I felt deceived and insulted…I moved out completely and filed for a divorce. Our son was born just few days after we finalized the divorce. That was eight years ago. I never allowed Lance near our son but he sent money for the boy whenever I called him.

Lance never married too but he has two children after from two other women.  I have not been married and things have not been easy for me. Recently, I lost my dad to cancer. I was so down and I have been managing to stay sane. Being a single mom comes with dating challenges….it hard to get someone who wants to marry you with a child from previous marriage. I started regretting leaving my marriage….

The only man who I ever really loved is Lance but he is biS.e.xual. I am not getting any younger…I want more children and want companionship. I remember all the good times I had with Lance …so I started talking to Lance again. We became friendly…and we realize that there is still love between us. Lance wants us to get back together. he says he has stopped being biS.e.xual for a while …he said he was young and foolish years ago and he no longer enjoys being bi.

I am seriously considering remarrying Lance…will it be worth it or will I regret it?

Anonymous

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

5 COMMENTS

  1. Don’t marry Lance,once beaten twice shy.

    You want to go back to your vomit all because you are not getting any younger and because you need companionship okwaya.

    We await part 2 of this story,it is well.

  2. If you like him and don’t mind him being biS.e.xual you can go for him but also remember that he now has two baby mama’s you have to deal with.

    You must be prepared to withstand whatever comes your way in this remarriage because now you know the truth unlike before.

  3. Is two ways things is either u stay away from ur vomit or u go back stay ur lane mind ur business cos him never stop!

  4. It is easy for him to slide back to his old ways so don’t make a rash decision.

    Don’t get s.xually involved with Him.

    Take Him to a Bible believing fired up church etc. Let Him be freed from all entanglements. Pray for Him, see if He will genuinely encounters Christ. Give it some time. If He does, go for counselling in Church too.

    Discuss boundaries with other women and men. Let Him be accountable to spiritual authority and go for blood test. If all these are genuinely in place, you can marry Him again.

    Be true to yourself, if He doesn’t sincerely encounter Christ let him go, pray for someone else.

    All the best

  5. He might have changed or not have changed. If he hasn’t changed, he will only be smarter in hiding it.

    I wish you well

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