Hello,
I would like to remain anonymous. This is a hard story for me to tell but I need help.
Years ago,my husband and I were having issues in our marriage. At that time,our marriage was basically done cos he was a politician who had lots of mistresses and I was left to raise the children all by myself. People felt I was lucky to be the woman in the house so I should not be bothered by my husband’s philandering ways.
To take my mind off the troubles at home, I got busy with raising my children the best way I could. I got them a swimming coach,a music coach and some other activities so that they could be well rounded in life. At the time too,I could not swim either,so the coach teaching my children also was teaching me.
The coach was a young man of 22 at the time,my eldest child was 13,I had her at age 20. I never in my wildest dream thought of this energetic young man as anything but he was kind to us and before long,we accepted and treated him as family. One of my lonely nights,one thing led to another and I had 4 months affair with this young man.
My wake up call came when I got pregnant for a 22 year old boy. I became frantic. I did not want my husband to find out so I fired him and aborted the pregnancy. But not a day passed that I do not think of him. Being with him has been the happiest times of my entire married life.
Eight years later,my husband passed on.He was killed by robbers. A hard time for my family but we lived through it. I was able to raise my children to university and graduate with what their father left for us. Six years later,I remarried. To a divorcee. My husband is much older than me,by 15 years but I married him for companionship.No one wants to grow old alone right.
You can imagine when my daughter reunited with our former swimming coach,who is now 36 years old and my daughter is 27 years old. They met through social media and started dating without my knowledge. My daughter informed me of their relationship after like 4 months.
I got enraged because I thought this man was after my daughter because I fired him for our affair years ago. I tried to discourage my daughter,telling her that I fired him for misconduct at the time but my daughter would not listen. She was convinced it was a misunderstanding cos the guy convinced her so.
Then,I knew I had to reach out to him. I begged him not to date my daughter cos I feel it was wrong for him to date mother once and now daughter. He told me not to worry,that he would never take advantage of my daughter. He agreed he too was young and foolish at that time.
I knew this was too risky but I left them alone,and we both promised not to ever mention our history to my daughter. My daughter’s wedding is in August this year. So far,this man has treated her so well until last month. Him and his family had come to see us for wedding introduction. It was a great ceremony but it rained so hard that day that they could not leave after the introduction.
They had to spend the night in our house. So the partying continued. My husband being an elderly man left early to bed. Our guests were still partying. I went to check the guest rooms to make sure everything was ok. I opened the guest toilet and my would be son in-law was there.
I quickly tried to leave but he pulled me back. I tried to free myself but he had already had a few drinks cos he smelled of alcohol. The next thing I knew was,we were running around in the room until he pinned me down. He spoke of the fact that he has never forgotten me and that he will always be in love with me.
I cannot truly say I blame him because at some point,I began to respond to his advances.I have also not forgotten how good he was in bed years ago. Been married to an older man is not fun cos the s*x is once in a month for 5 seconds. I yearned for a young man’s touch. I yielded and we made love in my husband’s house.
Too be honest,I feel terrible after. We both feel terrible. But we both needed it. Now,I feel so guilty and I wish I could stop him from marrying my daughter. He cheated on her with me. But I cannot also forget him,I really want him every time i see him. I cannot trust myself around him.
He has since left for his base but I have not being the same again since. What should I do,I cannot let my daughter marry him because he cheated on her and I still want him but I also do not want to hurt my daughter. He has said he is sorry and blames being drunk for that night.
Let him blame it on alcohol but I know different. Please advice me. I really wish I could forget this guy. But if he is going to be married to my daughter,that means he is stuck to my family for the rest of our lives. I could never look him in the eye and I do not want to betray my daughter again.
Do not judge me,if you were in my shoes,what would you do? Please advise me…
Anonymous Email Post
Photo Credit:WatchdogUganda
Madam, this is hard but you both must come out clean. This will hurt your daughter, but if you want this to stop and if there is going to be any atom of redemption or any chance for your daughter to still get married to that guy or for her to forgive you easily, then you must tell her. Two of you must confess to her and confess to God. If you don’t, you two will continue even after the wedding and you will still get caught that time water go pass garri.
You just nailed it. Confess to your daughter and to God, let God take over the wheel. A hidden sin will continue to thrive, talk more of this kinda sin. My prayer is with you dear lady.
Wow! Madam this is really hard.
It’s a pity things had to happen like this, I mean that guy dating both Mother and daughter and you seem so hooked to him. Hmmmm….
For the sake of your dignity I’ll advise that you handle this situation as maturely as possible.
Kill those feelings, if you can’t then confess openly and stop the wedding. It’s already as bad as it is.
I pray God gives you wisdom to make the right choice.
God bless.
This is a very serious stuff madam. I dont think there is nothing you will tell your daughter that will make her forget this guy.
You have to talk to ur daughter abt it cos if u don’t, u will find ursef doing it again… Coming out is very very tough but if you want to make things right, just be honest with her
This is very hardy o,but u really need to stop what ever is it u are doing with that guy before it becomes an obessesion ,n please try telling ur daughter about everything that happened before she grew up to know that guy. It may not be easy but try,so that u don’t end up with regrets all ur life n at the same time hurt ur daughter. Good luck.
Please madam, you have to be very open to your daughter. Tell her of your affair with him, the s*x you both had at her introduction and the obsession you have for him. I believe all these should clear her eyes.
I don’t think you need that type of man in your family, influence of alcohol or not, because, if he marries your daughter, there is every likelihood that it will keep happening.
Hmmmmm…madam i knw it nt going to be easy but u have to confess to ur daughter and also to God…please dont let ur daughter get married to dat guy please …
This is steel hard.
Do everything in your capacity to stop the wedding. Come clean to your daughter and sincerely apologize to her.
Run! I mean run from the guy. Do not see him again. Stop and avoid anything that may bring you close together.
Endure, pray and deliberately work on your husband s*x performances. He will pickup and do better to satisfying you.
Ask God for forgiveness and cleansing of sin. He will heal you completely.
God be with you.
The problem is you advice them are they going to do it you tell them dey do what on there mind
Madam if you don’t want to die a miserable woman,without family love and care in this old age remove your hands from this young man life, don’t confess anything to your daughter order wise you have yourself to blame,kill every desire you have for him and probably contact another young man for dating, because what you are doing to yourself might end in a very disastrous way,imagine the shame and rejection you will face if this come to the ears of the public, madam rebuke this boy like the Satan himself, don’t suffered in vain because no child would want a disgraceful woman as a mother, and remember we are in a world of internet where information can be stored for years even when we have passed gone,don’t waste your life and that of your children ma,kill this crazy desire you have for this young man,enough of this already, if you have ear hear word,your daughter or the other children must not hear of this.
Hello,
You know,all you owe your daughter is to be a good mother to her. Can you at least try and be that to her?
How could you be lusting after the same man that will be sleeping with your daughter for the rest of her life?
If this is really beyond your control (which I doubt),then talk to your daughter and tell her the truth.
Then be ready for any of the following outcomes:
1. Either your daughter believes you and breaks off with this guy….maybe then you can have him all to yourself to keep cheating with(remember you too are married)
2. Your daughter loathes you for stealing her man and breaking up her marriage
3. Your daughter cuts off from you and never wants to speak with you again
The way I see it, you better be a good mother to your daughter so she does not make the same mistakes you made.
Its very evil to make children pay for the sins of their parents.
May God be with you.
Tell her your daughter the truth now and face the consequences, failure to will come with more dire consequences.
It is one thing to hear of one’s husband having an affair with a friend but another entirely disheartening and disgraceful thing to hear of the affair being with one’s mother,very very disgraceful!.
Tell her and save her from a marriage of tears and disgrace…and yourself from more disgrace in the future.
Let her hate you now,but will one day be grateful to you for speaking up and saving her from a disastrous marriage where she and her mother shares the same man.
Speaking up will give her a chance at a more better man.
Tell Her The Truth!
This is a very Bad situation, if this man could cheat on your daughter with you… It will be a very terrible thing if you allow your daughter to marry such a man. From this incident, you should even see your daughter has a poor future with this man. Madam do you want your respect as a mother In-law, please let this man not marry your daughter at all. God and the book of LEVITICUS 18:1-end. God bless you.
Well it is a tough one. But you must however be careful what you divulge to your daughter. A lady in love can be so difficult to predict. There is a chance she will trust the guy than you now. You must first discourage yourself and do everything within your power to stop the unholy s*x with the guy. You must work on your capacity for self control and return to play your role as would be mother in-law to the guy. If you are struggling to cope with s*x, find another means (and person perhaps) to gratify that desire. You will be selfish to disrupt your daughter peace except you are convinced the guy don’t mean well for him. Peace.