True Life Story: Confused-My Husband Married Me Happily But Does Not Want Me Anymore
Hello Lively Stones,
Please don’t judge me but I need some advise. You see, I was married…but now separated. I was married for three years but all through the three years, my husband never loved me for one day. I do not know what happened. I was in Benue state, I just finished my ND and came back home when his people came to my father that they have a son in Lagos looking for a wife.
I mean, everyone thought Lagos was like America,…back there in the village, there was not much opportunity, maybe I would have continued farming with my people but going to Lagos to marry sounded like a good ambition. My husband came from Lagos and we did our traditional and white wedding in the village.
My husband was happy….he was almost 40…no woman in his life, so he was really happy that I a virgin and fresh out of school was his wife. When we moved back to Lagos, my husband used to show me off to all his friends. They were even surprised he married a fine girl. Then the problem started…I realized I do not know what my husband does for a living, he will go out in the morning and come back at night …but I do not know the type of work he does for a living.
When I asked him, he said…what do I want to do with where he works or what he does for money. I did not ask again but when I became pregnant, he stopped giving me money. When I ask him, he will say he does not have or they have not paid him. I do not work or have any money…so its very difficult.
I gave birth to a boy and yet things did not improve. No money…I became apprehensive. So, I would start begging him or disturbing him for money to feed, me and my baby. The only thing I could do was to plait small children hair in my area.But that did not pay much cos, its like 200 to plait hair and its not everyday. I could not feed well and so my baby could not feed well too.
If you see my baby, he is two years old but he looks like a 9 months baby cos we never have enough food to eat. So, I got tired and told my husband that I want to go back to my parents. He said ok…that he too is tired of the marriage. That its like I bring bad luck to him. I asked him how: he said since I married him, things are not working fine for him.
I used to cry daily. I called my people, they say I should not return cos its a taboo to leave husband house in my community. Especially because I don born pikin. No one will marry me again. So, I continue manage. Sometimes, my mother sends me garri and other food stuff which we manage too.
Then about four months ago, my baby fell sick…my husband said no money. I was afraid my baby will die …so I secretly followed my husband, let me go and see where he works….maybe the boss can have pity on my sick baby and help us with some money. As I reach where my husband is working, I ask questions, so they direct me to their HR . The HR people listened to me.
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It was then I found out that my husband is earning 250k and the company is not owing him salary. They even told me that the company has free health care for staff and their family. I could not believe or understand why my husband treat me like this. I cried and cried..so I confronted him and he said…he does not want to marry me again. That he found someone and he is caring for them as his family….that is why he cannot give me any money….cos he wants me to get tired and leave.
Till today, I do not know why this man married me when he has another family. That another family I discovered is a single mother with three children from another man but my husband loves her and takes care of her and her children. All the time, my husband lie to say he is doing night shift, its a lie…he goes to sleep with that woman. The woman have even posted my husband and her children as family on facebook.
I told my family and his family. They came to Lagos and talked to my husband but he refused to listen. So, my husband boss in the workplace called me like few days later, he said he heard everything my husband is doing, that they have given him a query at work. And that , if he does not change, they will sack him. I started to beg for my husband cos my husband came back and started to beat me for going to report him at his work.
I had to go to the office oga to beg him myself. When the oga saw me, he could not believe that my husband has such a good wife but maltreat me. This man gave me 10k and told me to forget about my husband, that there are many men out there who will love me..so I told him I don’t know anyone else in Lagos.
Me and this oga used to chat after that…he became very caring and send me money all the time. I used to thank him alot and pray God will bless him. One day, he told me he likes me and wants me to leave my husband so he can take care of me. I refused but he refused to give up. Then one day, my husband threw my things out and told me to go back to the village.
I called this my husband’s oga and he gave me address to come to his place. Since then, I have been living with my husband’s oga. He said he is divorced. His wife took their children and went abroad. He treats me very well and wants to marry me. I have been hiding where I am from my husband but he thinks I went back to the village not knowing I am with his boss at work.
This boss …I am in love with…, is a relative to the owner of the company. I like how he treats me…he gives me money and his place is very nice…I live in a very nice apartment in Lekki with him but he is not saying anything about marriage…he likes us to have S** almost everyday but never mentions marriage…he said he does not believe in marriage anymore cos his first marriage ended in divorce.
My husband and I are yet to be legally divorced cos we married in church…and traditionally…he is yet to return my bride price…and this man I am staying with…says he does not want marriage. That marriage is not important anymore these days…is that true? So, should I ask my husband for a divorce, so I will not be feeling guilty? Or should I pray harder that….maybe he will come back for me one day? Some people say he is under an influence, that one day, he will come back to his senses….is that true?
For now, I cannot just leave this oga cos I have no where else to go or no means to take care of me and my baby…we are being taken care of very well but I am not happy…I don’t know if its better to be single now or continue to hope that one day my husband will come back to me.
Please advise me…
Anonymous
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Madam life has no duplicate, return your ex husband dowry and divorce him legally too, after then, sake for a business to do and ask for the money from this your current man, surviving should be your number one priority now, not marriage please, as time goes on when your life is financial stable you can talk of marriage, do a business and save to go back to school
Divorce your husband properly and plan your life .start seriously saving for a business or go back to the village and face farming squarely.
So sorry about everything you have gone through in the hands of that good for nothing man.
Tell him you need to be separated from him for now,don’t tell him where you are,let him assume you are still in the village so that he doesn’t start saying he wants to see your son.
Don’t consider marriage with your husband’s boss,he already told you he doesn’t want marriage,but he might change his mind as time goes on,just follow him the way he is following you and don’t forget to save.
This is the best time to save money,save enough,don’t allow me to tell you to save oooo,e get why. Keep living with him but make sure you don’t get pregnant oooo,just keep enjoying yourself,God brought you to Lagos for this Lekki man, believe me.
Your husband is wicked,mean, callous and evil.
When he gets sacked,he will remember you,he doesn’t even know that you are now his boss’s madam,I pity for him,time will tell. Just be enjoying yourself my sister,na God do am.
God bless you and your son,don’t forget to always send something to your mum. Remember don’t divorce,just separate for now .Peace
Dear Poster,
Honestly , theres no more cast in stones rules for some situations like your story. Just live your life one- day -at- a- time. i sincerely wish and you well in this respite with your hubby’s Boss. but its not permanent, like its been advised, SAVE!!
also, dont push for marriage with the Boss, live your life with him saving.
as for your husband, i would rather say, file for legal divorce becos men like that have a way of blackmailing and playing the victim to the whole world by the time he knows your current status. his Boss for that matter. hmmn, he ll so blackmail you!!!
so please, do the needful, and he shouldnt know your where abouts for now. Make it legal asap, hes wicked, to starve you n son for years. haba , he doesnt deserve your pity and seperation wont work.. rEMEMBER, MARRIAGE IS NOT YOUR PRIORITY NOW, ITS SURVIVAL AND IT THRO savings.
The lord be with you.
Peace.