Good day ma,
I need your advise on this matter. My broke up with my ex after dating for one year because he was always chatting with other ladies and flirting with them. It was a messy breakup cos he loved me but he couldn’t help himself. I was not going to stick around someone to disrespect me all the time.
About 8 months later,I did a job that required me to partner with an Architect. I had to reach out to My ex because he is in that field. He gave the contact of his friend and I had to work with his friend on the project. This his friend was very professional thought the 3 months contract I had with him.
At the end of the contract,he started chatting me up and asking me out for a date. I refused because I felt it was out of place to date my ex’s friend. He then told me that he asked my ex and he said it was ok. I didn’t confirm from my friend cos I really do not answer to him about who I date.
So I started dating Joe(not real name) of my ex. Joe is a very fun and dedicated guy.I like him alot. He really knows how to he cares about me. In less than 4 months of dating,Joe is already talking marriage and he seemed very serious about it.
And that was my ex started sending me messages. He said he saw pictures of me and Joe,that are we dating,I said yes. He wished me well. But week later,he chatted me and warned me to be careful with Joe that he is a smooth player. That Joe could be cheating on me and I would never know.
I told Joe what my ex said and he said:what do you expect,he is jealous. Joe told me he has never been this serious about anyone the way he is about me. He agreed that he used to mess up before me but that he has seen that I am special and he does not want to mess up with me.
So I believed him and decided to ignore my ex totally. But my ex keeps sending me messages saying Joe is messing around and will break my heart. I asked him to show me evidence if what he saying is true and not just out of jealousy.
My ex later sent me chats between Joe and one lady. The chats showed Joe asking the girl to send nu-d-es and she did. However,the chat dates were painted so I could not see the date that the chat was sent I do not know if it was sent before me and Joe started seeing each other.
The chat made me upset and I began to suspect Joe. I couldn’t hold it back anymore so I showed Joe. He was shocked I was still talking to my ex and told me he sent those chats to my ex when he was still a player,like almost a year ago,long before he ever met me. He showed me his own copy of the chat and I saw the real date being last year.
Now Joe is very much angry with me and told me if I don’t trust him,we cannot be together. I feel stupid for allowing my ex make me doubt Joe. Joe has said we should take a break. He is so hurt and I am so sorry for doubting him.
I miss him so much and I have been apologizing but he said he needs time to think. In my anger,I called my ex and rained insults on him. I asked him to move on cos he is mad we are not together and his friend is treating me better than him. Do you know this snake only laughed and said: na you sabi…a leopard cannot change its spots.
Now,I am even more confused. Is my ex just jealous or trying to tell me something? How do I know exactly who is telling me the truth? I miss Joe so much,I love him but is this God’s way of telling me something? Joe does not want to speak to me but I cannot stop thinking about him.
What should I do? Please advise me.
Anonymous Lively Stones Facebook Fan
Photo Credit:Bustle
Marylyn Obioma
Am a guy
Honestly, a leopard cannot change its spots.
If Joe is serious about you he should have accepted your apologise.
Maybe Joe is just looking for a way to breakup with you.
I guess your ex cares about you that’s why he’s pre-telling you events that MIGHT happen later. Remember they are friends and I believe they know each other well.
Both of them are players.
If Joe is really sincere he will come back. But I have my honest doubt.
If Joe truly loves you he won’t behave this way,so to me you have to use your head and kill this feelings, who knows if Joe is worst than your ex,a guy who can leave his woman in Confusion is not only into that woman but playing around, so my girl use your time well and stop wasting it on someone who care less about you,if Joe is the man he portrayed himself to you now he needs to show it,orderwise he is a worst than your ex,tell him to come out openly either he is breaking up with you or ready to settle issues with you amicably,he should let you know his place in your life, if he give you the same response quit the relationship and move on with your life period.
Do people change? Yes they do but you don’t change a man. Its only God and the man’s willingness to change. So now you know who he was, can you live with it? Can you handle the up’s and down’s that follows it? Will you be able to pull through and help him become a better man? If you can then fight for your man.
I think your ex is trying to warn you. Why didn’t this Joe guy come clean to you about his past? Players know how to treat a woman like a queen until she falls. For me, a guy that asks a girl to send nu-d-e pictures to him doesn’t seem responsible. Leopards don’t change their spots easily, just as your ex said. Only God can change a man. There is no guarantee that this guy won’t cheat on you if he marries you. If he has really changed, why didn’t he try to win back your trust, rather, he stopped talking to you. Something is fishy.
Well i think you should go deeper into this Joe of a guy. How could you even date your ex friend gosh you made a very big mistake my sister pray to God for help oooo
I would say u shld give him a break , wait n see if he would cm BK to u after all d apologies u hv given to him. If he doesn’t cm BK to u, just know dat d two guys r playing on u,, wht if it’s a planned work for ur ex to send u d chats concerning nu-d-es which was last year n dey knew very well dat u will freak out n from dia he took it as an excuse for u not trusting him? It’s either they r playing on u or ur ex is jealous,, so just allow him n c if he will cm bk to u after all d apologies.
I think the ex is the one not be sincere, a leopard can’t change its spots, the spots are part of him. What he does tomorrow will always be dependent on how the spot came about. But that doesn’t mean he has not learnt his lessons
Yes, your ex might be looking out for you based whom they were, sent you proof that he got last year, shaded the dates, who is more shady?
Joe has already admitted that his past, he has been mischievous, he never gave you a reason to doubt him until your ex came into the picture. Call it being smooth but believe me when I say as a guy, if we are being serious with someone, we tend to shed our past, it will always be there to haunt our future, complicate our present but it’s what it is
Give Joe space since you’ve apologized. If he’s for you he’ll come back. Your ex is just jealous.
Don’t let all the drama get to you no matter how painful it seems, pick yourself up and live happily. You can’t force love, just let it be after you’ve tried your possible best.
God bless.
The decision to even date your ex’s friend is not very wise to me.
You need to take a break. You have apologized to Joe, fine. Keep the communication lines open. If he is yours, he will come back to you.
I will advise you leave both of them..start afresh and I believe you will be fine..
Hi,
I think your ex knows your boo more than you do. So,its either you darn the potential hurt that he could cause you based on what your ex is alleging or you back out now.
One thing you should do though is:stop talking to your ex…its complicating things. Its unconsciously connecting you back to him and causing a serious trust issue for your current boo.
And of course,your ex is jealous!
So stop talking to your ex…give boo time off to decide if he wants you or not .And if he does,know that there COULD be risks. You never really know people until they show themselves.
But that is relationships for you…you never really know…even if you are with them for a decade.
So what are you going to do? Take a leap of faith with your boo or say bye to both boys?
Wish you all the best.