Does Abstaining From S*x Create A Stronger Emotional Connection?

The decision whether or not to have s*x is a deeply personal one — but sometimes, circumstances intervene and make the decision for you. Maybe you and your boo live hours (or even miles) apart and can’t see each other as often as you’d like. Maybe health issues are keeping you two from hopping in the sack right now.

Or maybe — whether it’s for religious reasons or simply because you’re not ready — s*x is off the table indefinitely. No matter the reason, refraining from intercourse with an SO can have challenges, but believe it or not, abstaining from s*x with a partner can actually create a stronger emotional connection.

According to Moushumi Ghose, owner and founder of Los Angeles S*x Therapy, taking s*x out of the equation compels you and your SO to think outside the box. “Abstaining from intercourse is actually an exercise that I often encourage partners to use when they are trying to get their mojo back or when they are trying to spice up their s*x life,” she explains.

“The key, though, is to not ignore s*xuality but to expand our broaden our definition of what s*x is away from the focus of penetration and intercourse.” Who knew that not having s*x could be `so… s*xy?

Abstaining from s*x with a partner creates a stronger emotional connection

As Salt-N-Peppa so wisely sang, “Let’s talk about s*x, baby, let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be.” Talking about s*x with your partner can oftentimes be even more intimate than s*x itself, even when you’re not actively having it.

“Too much of our focus is on a very small aspects of s*xuality, such as penis-in-vagina, oral s*x, and anal s*x,” says Ghose. “Taking s*x off the table can help people get reconnected to their bodies, learn what they like outside of the ‘same old, same old,’ expand our repertoire, and become more sensual in general.”

If s*x isn’t an option right now (or if you have yet to introduce s*x to your relationship), take this time to explore other aspects of s*xuality with your boo. Penetration isn’t the only way to achieve stimulation, friends.

“Some things that people often overlook are talking dirty, kissing, having intimacy with our clothes on, intimacy without exchanging fluids (i.e. mutual masturbation), communication about s*x, reading erotica, sharing fantasies, role play, and so much more,” Ghose says. To share some more old-school R&B wisdom: We don’t have to take our clothes off to have a good time.

Abstaining from s*x with a partner creates a stronger emotional connection

Whether s*xual abstinence is a choice you’re making or an imposition due to circumstance, this period without s*x should be considered an opportunity. “When we mindfully abstain from the traditional ideas of s*x, we are forced to expand,” Ghose points out.

“When we begin to shift, we can also get more connected to our partners.” Even if you and your boo are physically separated, you can still find a way to satisfy your s*xual needs with a little creativity. Overcoming that challenge will allow you to learn so much more about your SO

Bottom line: Abstaining from s*x doesn’t have to be a bummer. As Ghose explains, “If partners embark on a mindful journey to stay s*xual on a regular basis while also abstaining from s*x, the world is their oyster.” So open up a dialogue about kinks, fantasies, and dirty dreams — and once you and your boo can finally have s*x, get ready for fireworks.

Expert:

Moushumi Ghose, owner and founder of Los Angeles S*x Therapy

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