How Do I Convince My Boyfriend That I Was Only Trying To Protect Him?
Good day ma,
My boyfriend lives in a compound like face me I face you type. I don’t have a problem with that cos I visit him like every weekend. I notice him and his neighbors are very friendly and I am not used to that type of lifestyle and that really bothers me.
My boyfriend is a Teacher and likes to help people alot. I work in an office as HR. When we met, I was attracted to his nature of kindness. I did not mind his status,I just fell in love with how he genuinely care for people including myself.
When the relationship became serious, I started feeling that some people may want to take advantage of his kindness. For example,he coaches students for free,even though I know he should get paid for his services. People come to lie to him that they have no money and he says no problem.
This is always making him broke as he has to depend on his meager salary. But in a month,apart from his job,he coaches more than 15 students. In his compound, they share common amenities and somehow,also share assets like borrowing of cooking stove or fan or go to each other’s room for a meal.
I am not used to that type of lifestyle but I love my boyfriend so I adjust for him. Until I started feeling that there is this single woman in the compound that is just too close for comfort to my boyfriend. He goes to her room to eat sometimes and she cooks and invites him over.
Sometimes,the lady comes to his place and helps him wash his place or sweep his place. I told him he should not allow that and he says its nothing. The lady is not looking bad and even though she knows we are in a relationship,I know she will not hesitate to snatch my boyfriend if she has the opportunity.
The other day, I found out that they sometimes go out to work in the morning and share the same bike. I feel that is highly inappropriate but my boyfriend feels like I am being paranoid. I visited last weekend and this lady had the guts to call my boyfriend to come and eat that she made ofada rice,his favorite.
I told my boyfriend not to go. I was like,she is just pretending but my boyfriend laughed it off and went to her place to eat.I was upset and left angrily. I felt he disrespected me by refusing to listen to me and went to eat her food.
That evening,I was still feeling bad so I called my boyfriend to apologize. I called several times but he did not pick up. I thought he was still upset with me. I then decided to go to his place cos his place is just N100 keke from my place.
I got to his place and his door was closed but not locked. I pushed the door and went inside. He was not inside. It was around 9.20pm. I walked to this girl’s room and he was there watching telemundu with her. He came up when he saw me.
The fact that he was in her place till 9.20pm really pissed me off. I came to apologize but what I saw made me even angrier. I insulted the girl and called her out for spending so much time with another person’s boyfriend. That she should go look for her own.
My boyfriend said I embarrassed him and told me to leave and forget about him. That if I cannot trust him,then there is no need to be together. I couldn’t believe he was breaking up with me. I begged him but he said I have trust and anger issues and he cannot be with me.
Please,do I have anger or trust issues? Is my concern not enough for him to stay away from that girl? How am I over reacting? Which woman will allow another woman cook for her boyfriend and allow the boyfriend spend so much time with another woman without being suspicious?
Please advise me..where did I go wrong? Should I keep begging him or leave him totally?
Anonymous Email Post
Photo Credit: Princemilan
Share this Story
The guy disrespect you first, and you in return Reciprocate it by going to the lady house to shout at her.
Thing is it is your boyfriend you have issues with and not the lady.
To me, I will say you should not apologize to him again, if he truly loves you, he will come around.
My thoughts
There’s nothing like disrespect here. If she follows your advice i promise she’s going to lose the man she claims she loves. You ladies need to remember that a man had a life before meeting you and still has a life after meeting you. You do not expect him to jeopardize his relationship with his neighbours just because you’re now in the picture. Come raon or shine, even after you break up with him, those neighbours are still goinf to be there for him. Plus he’s just your boyfriend, if the talk had been that you ccoked for him and he rejected and went to eat the neighbour’s food, then I’ll blink. But lad6 i must tell you the truth in this case you’re only being paranoid. If you love him as you claim and still want to continue the relationship, take a step towards reconciliation by apologizing.
Well, you both had your individual faults on this issue.
First, when you got there and saw that your BF was at her place at that time of the night, you could have kept your emotions in check, call him out to his room and you both sort things out. You allowed your emotions take the best of you. Now things have fallen apart and if you ask me, it takes two to make things work…
Your boyfriend on his own part had issues understanding your kind of person. He’s pretty free with almost everything and that obviously doesn’t go down well with you! I understand. He had his fault too. He shouldn’t have blamed you 100% for acting the way you did. I can’t imagine what a bachelor would be doing in a spinster’s place at that time of the night! And instead of his to calm down and explain things calmly to you, he went to the extreme to end the relationship you both started…over what? That was one decision too many! He should just calm down!
To me, this isn’t totally over except if one of you isn’t coming out to say his or her mind! Things may have fallen apart but if you ask me, the centre can still hold. How? One or both of you must swallow their pride if this relationship that was built overtime is something you both hold dear to your heart.
Dialogue;
Humility;
Accepting your individual faults;
Knowing the importance of what you both share.
These four would go a long way to mend whatever is broken and bring “Tranquillity”, in Trikkytee of BBNaija’s voice, to the affected relationship.
Peace ✌️
You both have disrespected each other. You should have calmed down a little and spoken to your boyfriend alone. So you need to apologize to your boyfriend and the lady for that.
But what concerns me is this: how long will you be able to cope with the lifestyle your boyfriend has now? What is he doing to elevate himself and to increase his income? There is nothing wrong in him asking the parents of the children to pay a token fee maybe 1,000 per month. He can do free lessons on certain days if he so wishes. Except he wants to run an NGO, then he should look for sponsors.
From your narration, it sounds like he is already comfortable with his status. I am no judge but will he be able to take care of a family? What are his long term plans. Marriage doesn’t survive on I love you. Money is essential!!!!
Please address all these necessary issues now. I pray God will grant you wisdom.
Always be diplomatic, diplomacy is key.Your boyfriend has been living like that with his neighbours before he met you, don’t you think it will take time for him to adjust,yes I understand that you don’t like such familiarity but at the same you shouldn’t use force to make him dance to your tune.You have to keep telling him gradually, how that you don’t like such closeness with neighbours, okay.And you see,if you trust him there is absolutely nothing to be worried about,afterall you went there unannounced and met him in the lady’s house watching telemundo,thank God it wasn’t something else,so please be at peace with your boyfriend.
Madam you over stepped your boundaries! You came into his beautiful life and u want to ruine it with your lifestyle, so you think you can change someone overnight! Even if you could it would take time not as a girlfriend but while married!
Keep begging him until he forgives you. n you too leave his lifestyle alone cos this gives him joy as you can see!
My point exactly bro.
Hi,
I think that for every relationship to work, there must be compromise on both parties.
You already adjusted to his lifestyle….I think its only fair that he listens to you especially when you voice his closeness another single female.
If there was nothing between them,the lady could have served the food and brought it for both of you to eat…not invite your man to her room alone to eat.
And then he is watching soap opera in her room at past 9pm…..
He may not have anything to do with her but that relationship is too close for comfort and very disrespectful to his girlfriend which is you.
Let him keep his buddy-girlfriend-compound neighbor if your opinions do not mean much to him.
Trust issues only happen when we give room for our actions to be mistrusted.
You should not have called out the girl…you too dignified for that.
But I do not blame you much…your guy allowed the disrespect…..
If he does not reach out to you after you have apologized like you said…then its clear he and that girl are being sneaky and its best you remove yourself from that messy situation.
You should be the only one your man is interested in spending time with.
Clearly…that is not his priorities…so let him be.
All the best.
You have got to Learn His Love language. That’s why you can’t change him, and Him too learning yours but mere saying I don’t like What he’s doing won’t save or change anything.
He’s a people person, so you too try to be social especially with him and then tell him What you don’t like but in a lovely mood.
Hope you recover
Except for Jzhane, I wonder why other commenter blamed the lady for her action.
It disrespectful to the core to leave your lady to another lady’s house to eat. Like in her presence? Who does that.
She left angrily, called several times and he didn’t pick.
He isn’t true and sincere with his lady.
It best she leaves for her sanity sake.
Please don’t beg him again and let him be if he love you , he will come around I don’t think he loves u
Let him be, if he didn’t mean it, he will come back and apologize to you.and another thing is don’t strain things in your relationship as you will instead give room for that woman to win him over to herself.
My fear is that I don’t know if you occupy any position in his life.His heart is not with you.period ! The very single lady in question is playing the role of a woman in his life therefore, he has no need of you. That single lady is the problem. She also want your man but my advice is to move on, your bf will come begging later but please never accept him back. He will be a bunch of mess by then. Give another a chance in your life, he is a weak man, he doesn’t have a standard, he cannot provide and fight for you, he is the kind that will let strangers walk into his home and mess it up. When I man love a woman, his love controls his pride. Your man has his love on his side attraction and not you
Move on with your life girl, this man don’t what he wants.
[…] My Boyfriend Never Wanted To Marry Me Until His Mother Did Something- Pls Advise […]