How My Sweet Husband Changed After Two Years Of Marriage- Please Advise
Hello ma, well done for the job well done God bless you ma.
A friend introduced me to your group and I want to share my story and get other peoples opinion. My name is Becca (not real name) and I got married 5 years ago and I have a beautiful daughter as the product of my marriage.
I met my husband through a mutual friend of both of us, we got introduced and we liked each other, we dated for a year before we got married. Things were fine after we got married for the first 2 years and it was during that time I had my beautiful daughter but going into the third year of the marriage I started noticing some changes in him.
He started complaining about almost everything I do and the worst part of it is that he won’t call me to talk to me if I offend him but he prefers to go and tell our neighbors or outsiders or even his family without saying a word to me. He will be keeping malice with me in the house so many times I will have to beg him to forgive me even if I don’t know what I have done.
He has made his family to dislike me because of the way he talks about me to them, when he goes to work he comes back late and will not even eat when he gets back, he doesn’t drop money at home as such and I do not know of any project he’s doing that might be taking money from him.
Last year he decided to take a transfer from his place of work without informing me he said he thinks if we separate for a while I will know what am doing, leaving me and our daughter alone and since last year that he left he only came to see us once that was March this year before the lockdown and since then he hasn’t visited again.
He doesn’t pick my calls and if he calls it’s only to talk to our child he doesn’t speak to me if I want to talk to him, I text him and if am lucky he will reply. So many things I cannot say here that he has done.
I went to see him in the new city he transferred himself to and he don’t allow me know where he’s staying, he told me it’s not yet time to know his place, luckily for me my sister works in that same city so I stayed in her place and he came to see me in my sisters place without letting me know where he stays till I left the place.
His family also accused me of not wanting our daughter to come and spend time with them and she’s just 3 years plus so when the lockdown ease I took her there to stay with them for like a month, when school was about to resume and I want to go and pick her that is how they said I cannot take her that my husband instructed them not to allow me take her.
And since then she has been with them she’s staying with my husbands elder brother family and she has 3 kids of her own and he insisted on her staying there making 4 for the woman while am here doing nothing.
I just go there to see her spend some time with her and leave. Now the main issue is, where we are staying our rent will be due by the end of this month and I have asked him what his plan is if he wants to renew the rent or relocate us to where he is but he’s not saying anything and I have made up my mind to pack my things and go back to my parents house.
I have begged him so many times, apologized to his family, friends, relatives even our pastors have intervened but he remains adamant though he said he has forgiven me but he doesn’t act like it. Am just tired of all d stress all I want is to take my child and just live my life please how do I go about it and what do you suggest I do? Thank you
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Kia madam I totally understand how you feel cos am in a similar situation I need you to understand that there is nothing wrong wit u cos u might think it’s ur fault sometimes that is y u keep apologising it has nothing to do with you it’s him he is narcissistic dats wat they do but you never knew the level his was so… Pls my dear focus on your self don’t call or text just let him be refocus ur mind meditate pray do fun things u like if they let u have ur daughter fine but if not don’t kill urself thinking move n stay with ur parents try to do something for ur self u will see dat ur mentality about life will change if u keep pushing dat u must have a marriage it will keep hurting n u won’t be able to be stable to build urself up dis is wat am doing now else I would have died either suicide or in jail cos of the hurt n pain he caused me so let go gradually n u will be fine try not to be alone always surround urself wit family and friends that care Las Las we all go dey alright
Thanks for sharing your story. From your story I cannot lay my hands on any major issue that is the problem. Put in your very best to fight for your marriage. Get your family involved. Depending on your tribe, family meeting can be summoned between the two families for detailed discussion .
As for your daughter, at age 3 she still needs you. Go through social welfare department or ministry of women affairs or a good lawyer . Ask for access to her and you will surely get it. Do you have the resources to take care of her?
For the marriage, you cannot force a man to continue to marry you. Move back to your parents house or get your own house . Hope you are earning a living. If not , learn trade , acquire a skill and develop your finances. Start a new life and give your husband to decide if he still wants the marriage. After some years if you so wish, you can initiate a divorce.
Come close to God and live a Godly life. Be prayerful, study the Bible closely and allow God to fight your battle.
Remain blessed
Madam your story brought tears to my eye…I literary feel your pain .. I understand it not easy to move on but you need to pull yourself together and improve your self forget about him and dont think about him but pray hard and dont get into depression..I pray you get back your child becuse that is the most important thing and move on from him
My dear sister, your husbaand maybe cheating, pls forget about him. As for your daughter, YOU MUST ger her back, how can his famil hold her from you,sister like Dr Uche said visit women affair ministry, also listen to radio, you can listen to wives roundtable on tuesdays 8:00 pm, you can call in or send a message, there are shows on radio where women issues are discussed. Pls sister, YOU MUST have your daughter back by FORCE, this one pain me oo, some family members are very terrible. Lastly your happiness is in your hands, i always tell people, i don’t trust people at all, it’s not even biblical to trust human beings. Be strong sister,you is much stronger than you think, learn a skill, make your mknwy BUT i say again YOU MUST get your daughter back. Love you sister. I am Akin
Hello sister, i forgot to put the station of the wives roundtable show, its 92.3fm on tuesdays 8:00 pm, listen to radio and you will see shows that will tell you of agencies thag wil help you get your daughter back. GOD bless you.
Stop begging!!!!
You deserve to be treated right. It is obvious your husband is no longer interested in the marriage. You need to fight to get custody of your daughter and move on with your life.
Get a lawyer or NGO involved.
Get a job, be independent
Get your own apartment. You need all of that to be able to get your daughter back
Are you resourceful?
What contributions have you been making in the marriage in terms of finances, purchases etc?
Are you solely dependent on him for everyday food and upkeep?
Focus on yourself and develop the more. Forget him and move on with your life.
Most importantly, get some NGOs or a lawyer to retrieve your daughter. She cannot live in her uncle’s family house when you are still alive and capable or raising her up independently.
Good luck.
Hello dear,
Thank you for reaching out and trusting us with your situation.
After reading this…I must say that I cant imagine how you must be feeling.
Something is definitely wrong somewhere….it could be a woman involved….was he dating someone before you? Has he possibly gone back to that woman? or did he find another woman after you both got married?
You say you beg for forgiveness…what did you do that would require his forgiveness? Did you both have a disagreement?
Looks like him moving out and not telling you is showing he is no longer interested in the marriage….
Have you suggested that both of you see a professional marriage counsellor or therapist?
Have you been praying about this?
Try some intervention before moving out…please.
And note, he cannot deny you access to your child…if you are in Lagos…you should go and report him to Child protection agencies, Check this website:
https://www.mysd.lg.gov.ng/index.php/home-page/about-mysd/mysd-objectives/child-protection-services
Above all…I hope you can support yourself…you must be gainfully employed before the government can give your child to you.
You also need to prepare your mind that if all fails….you need to move on and stand on your feet.
You need a lawyer to help you navigate all of these. If you are in Lagos, there are a few Lawyers that can help.
In the meantime…please pray about this…talk to your husband and suggest counselling/therapy with a professional.
You may ask someone he trusts and respect to suggest that to him…what about the mutual friend that introduced both of you…can he or she help?
Do not be sad….everything will be ok…just be strong and courageous.
God bless you ma’am.
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