Hi,
My name is Mimi (not real name). I am 24 years old. I recently just graduated from University,I studied Biochem.This is not the course I wanted to study. My parents wanted me to study medicine but I did not make the cut off so I opted for biochem.
Biochem was not an easy course. I struggled cos what I really want to do,is Mass Comm. But my parents who are Doctors would not hear of it. I barely got Cs in year one. By year 2,I was having so many carry overs from year one.
Year 2 and 3 was a night mare. I became so frightened and depressed. I knew I was failling and I tried but I just kept failing. I began to sleep with my lecturers to get a D or an E. It was horrible. I even became suicidal.
In year 4,we got a new Lecturer,a young man of 32 years but he was a professor. He was so handsome and nerdy too. He noticed I was battling with my grades so he called me to find out why I am studying a course I did not like. I explained to him my delima. He told me to talk to my parents but that would be impossible cos they would disown me.
We got close and he tried to help me study and do well. I wish I met him earlier. It was too late. I had too many carry overs but he kept encouraging me. Eventually,I could not graduate. I was to have ab extra year. I could not go home. I was terrified. So,I stayed back in school and started planning for my extra year.
Prof T stood by me. He was determined to help me gain my confidence. I began to fall in love with him. In the process,we began to grow close and have s*x . He was so s*xy,so kind to me,so encouraging and with his help,my extra year was not so hard. I finally graduated.
I was so grateful to him. I told my parents about him. We were both in love and I felt that was it. After graduation,he asked me when I want to start my masters. I told him I was done with studying. I wanted to do social media digital marketing. I would just do some online courses and that would be enough.
Prof T was disappointed. He tried to change my mind and I was not having it. He wants to force me like my parents did. Why cant people leave me to do what I really like? He eventually told me he could not be with me if I did not study to masters and PHD level. What? Me that barely survived BSC? PHD? No way….
I cried and cried…I been so miserable. I love Prof T. He is the only one who ever really cared for me. Why cant he just accept me the way I am. He is also thinking about his parents. His parents are both professors. Their siblings. So,he feels he cannot marry someone who is not an academic.
Ma,I am so distressed. I do not want to let go. I tried to make him change his mind by seducing him. We made love and I begged him to give us a chance. To let me be what I want to be. He said I could be anything I want but I just have to have a PHD eventually. He promised to coach me but I dont really want to study anymore.
I intentionally got pregnant to try to change his mind but he said I should either keep the baby or abort it but we can only marry after my PHD. I am at loss …what do I do? Should I do the Masters and PHD to be with the man I love or should I abort this child and follow my dream?
Please advise me…
Mimi
Photo Credit:happyyouhappyfamily
U can do ur masters and the PhD my dear.the devil is a liar
I feel for you dear,pls,stop living your life for people,do what you have passion for and not the Oda way round.If he truly and sincerely loves you as u said,I think he would have supported what you have passion for and also stand by you in achieving your dreams.there is no need sorrowing or trying to convince him,try and move on with your life and pursue ur dreams.Remember you are already pregnant,you are the only one that can take the best decision…. good luck!
Biko do your PhD oooooo,don’t you want to be called Dr Mrs Lagbaja?Imagine opportunity, he loves you and wants the best for you nne.You better do it oooooo
Hmmm, was really having pity for you until I saw where you said ,you took in for him to convince him. That’s one of the suicidal decision ladies make ,getting pregnant for a man to keep him or love you.
You have no option than to study more.
Study PhD in your local language.
This is serious ooo! Sis are you sure of this guy? Have you prayed? Are you convinced that if you do his bidding there’ll be peace? If not, keep your baby but walk away!
Is this even a question?
You are gold darling, you are the prize to be won. There is nothing as painful as living someone else’s dream. Yes you love him but why will you want to stay with someone that can’t allow you be yourself? Thereby thinking his path is the best and yours is inferior?
It will hurt and be so uncomfortable but please study what you want. I can imagine how much you dislike studying because it’s not what you wanted talk more of living the rest of your life struggling. You have a choice with love but not with life. If you miss it in life that’s it.
As for your parents, you’ll stand up to them sooner or later but all in all, you should live your dream and do what you want, every other person will understand and see its beauty soon enough. You see it so go for it.
Learn to stand on your own and ask for help when you need it but from people that won’t place a ridiculous prize to it. Forget all the happenings of the past and start afresh. It will be hard no doubt but give it time. There is so much to live for. Don’t destroy your life because of one person. A lot of persons don’t even know what they want to do with their life at 30 or 40 but you do. Don’t take a chance at it.
OK I’m done.
You need to grow up and decide what you want for your life and that includes the baby on the way. I will advise you tell your parents and they would probably need to meet the guy and discuss the plan for the child. If your boyfriend still insist on his conditions then you either accept to be single mother or you start studying.
I assume he is not insisting on what you should study, so you could do the Mass Comm. or a course you enjoy.
Sometimes things are not as difficult as it looks. Since you are willing to start online courses on digital media, you can do a masters or PhD in it.
That will be a compromise that will soothe everyone.
Finally pray, God will definitely answer.
By the way, did you tell him about the other lecturers you slept with? Because he needs to know too.
It’s a tough decision, how ever it can be looked at from two angles. One, like you claimed in your story, he forcing you against your wish orbforcing his will on you. Secondly, maybe he is trying to push you just a little because he believes in you and also to build your capacity. But, the pregnancy is not a good option my sister. My advise is for you to weigh your your options and prayerful commune to God and he will guide you. Cheers
Since he is there to coach and help you, why don’t you accept to do the PhD. You so much need him right? So the PhD is the price you pay in order to have your dream man
Some people don’t just get it… You think some things in life comes easy. Some may say other that dint go to school are succeeding. So why should I go to school. Do you know if your destiny is different…
When we wer small. If our parents had allowed us do what we want. Do you think we would have been all polished up today…
You have to listen to him and grab the opportunity you have now to prevent “had I known…”
You can always multi-task. Do what you love while getting that PhD. Don’t be among those ladies that don’t want to add value to themselves. Who believes a husband would come and save them and take care of their bills.
He is only being fair to you and patient with you. That is a good man… He has risen himself to have value. And he wants you to also rise with him. But you Stubborness is preventing you. Don’t allow the devil stop you from shining.
If you love the guy enough to get pregnant for him intentionally, then you should be able to do a master’s and PhD to be with him. However, I feel the man is insensitive. I do whatever pleases and works for me not because it works for my parents.
Girl congratulations on getting pregnant.
I believe youre an adult.
Its quite a pity that your parents ‘forced’ you to read a course you didnt like and that pushed you into sleeping with lecturers for grades, all shades of wrong dear.
Now its still unforunate that you fell in love with someone who is demanding a lot from you when thats not what you want for yourself. I think thats a red flag in your relationship. Yes, the guy may have been instrumental to your success but it seems youre forcing your way to get him at all cost hence letting yourself get pregnant.
A relationship were youre not free to be yourself, i mean he giving you conditions because of his parents is wrong!
You need to be with someone who accepts you for who you are and encourages you to live your best life, only then can that relationship fluorish. What youre painting here with this your guy is DEFINITELY a red flag and should not be taken lightly no matter what.
I wish you a life of self discovery for yourself so that you will know that are strong, unique and special not someone to be defined by others view of you.
My dear pls follow your dreams, don’t live another persons life or trying to please someone by living out thier dreams for them, you would just end up more miserable. As for the baby you have to bear the cross of being a baby mama. I wont advice you to abort your baby. You’re still very young you would find a suitable man for you, just focus ans follow your dreams
Hello,
Sorry about what you are passing through, getting pregnant can’t hold him except you meet his requirement by further your study which you don’t want to.
It’s very clear that you guys are not compatible but you just want to force your self on him.
It’s better you let him go and move on with your life, pls keep the baby
Regards.
My dear,if u ask me ,i would say u follow ur heart, because they say that were ur heart is,is where ur treasure is,so please, ignore that guy,so that u wouldn’t live all ur life trying to meet his expections,n let me tell something,loving someone n the that person not loving u in return or taking u for who u really are will be very difficult in the nearest future,as a mata of fact,love is not enough,so stop the I love him so much ,does he feel the same way about you?then y is he not allowing u follow ur hearts n dreams? Y is he not supporting u? Y is he conditioning u? If u ask me ,i would say u get rid of that pregnancy,he is not interested in that pregnancy,so please don’t tire urself down with a burden can’t bear alone, try to move on without that boy, because at the end of the day,if u don’t meet up all his expections,u will live a life full of complex n low self-esteem.
My dear,if u ask me ,i would say u follow ur heart, because they say that were ur heart is,is where ur treasure is,so please, ignore that guy,so that u wouldn’t live all ur life trying to meet up his expections,n let me tell something,loving someone n the that person not loving u in return or taking u for who u really are will be very difficult in the nearest future,as a mata of fact,love is not enough,so stop the I love him so much ,does he feel the same way about you?then y is he not allowing u follow ur hearts n dreams? Y is he not supporting u? Y is he conditioning u? If u ask me ,i would say u get rid of that pregnancy,he is not interested in that pregnancy,so please don’t tire urself down with a burden can’t bear alone, try to move on without that boy, because at the end of the day,if u don’t meet up all his expections,u will live a life full of complex n low self-esteem.
Hello,
I know how you feel. Haven gone through school to study a course you do not have a flare for. However, you must thank God for being able to pull through. Maybe God sent you the professor to help you make it.
So why not still take advantage of the help professor is offering? It does not have to be in Biochemistry or any course you do not like.
If you love IT & Digital marketing,you can do a masters and PHD in any related course. I think you would be brilliant if you put your mind to it.
However,if you truly feel you are not ready or cut out for this,then thank professor for his help and move on with your life. I think you can still find happiness in whatever you choose to do with your life.
You just have to be passionate enough,hardworking and determined to succeed.
But if you choose to go with the professor,please make sure you legalize your relationship. Make sure you are doing it cos you really want to,not for his sake but for your sake…Also…Sleeping with him outside of marriage is not proper. Legalize it.
As for the baby…do not abort. Whether you get married or not,your baby deserves a chance at life. And you deserve happiness,more of which I believe a baby will bring. I just pray you be a better parent than your parents were.
You have your future ahead of you. Do not let anyone pressure you. Do what you want for you.
Just do not think you cannot do anything cos you can if you are determined.
God bless you.
Exactly. She has advantages is everything now. Getting pregnant to hold him down wasn’t a good idea tho
Did you just end it with “should I abort this child and follow my dream?”.
How I wish u could clarify this statement. Are you now saying you can’t raise the child if you should give birth to one? or that ur parents won’t support you if you go against the prof’s plan for you?
Think hard about this before making any hasty decisions. Try to imagine what the future would be like. I mean imagine how you want your future to be.
A) Is it with a man who might make you successful in life but will go against your inner happiness, and would also want to keep controlling you, your decision and success for the rest of your life? or;
B) With another man, who would gladly accept your child and spend the rest of his life respecting the good decisions you make for yourself?
You wanted advice here but I think you will get yes to both questions you asked above (excluding abortion) but the final decision making depends on you only, since only you knows your emotional feelings right now, ur self esteem, what u really want, and what drives (and can make) you happy.
So I will only give insights to both future A and B, to aid your imagination before you make the final choice.
Future A is good and also bad. You might achieve success through him but the turn out might not be good. He will keep on trying to control you and your decisions. He will even be more terrible as he will want all your kids to go through that same thing in the future. He will do the same thing to your children, just like the way your parents forced you to read biochemistry and he will also force them to do their masters and phd. So that means you will be living under his control and your self esteem or ability to make decisions for yourself will be too low. You will never feel happy or satisfied about that, unless you don’t mind giving total control of your life to a guy (and that would be a terrible way to be living).
Another thing is that what if after following his wants (that u must get master and PhD), you guys didn’t work out in d end. Maybe due to a fight / misunderstanding or lost of trust & affection or maybe he cheated on u etc. How will you now handle yourself once he abandons you? Won’t you face your life all by yourself again? Anyway that’s another long imagination. Let me talk about future B.
Future B needs courage. It looks hard, raising a baby all by yourself and getting a guy who would like to marry you with that kid. What you did is bad, I am sure u know that now with regret but don’t abort that pregnancy.
Just know that, you won’t be the first person to do this. Most baby mamas if not all, always get settled down eventually. Someone will love you for who you are and will respect your decision making and future goals, and that will make you to feel happy & free to express yourself during marriage. So just ignore the hard times you will go through at the beginning and focus only on your goal to succeed through your own decisions. Be courageous and determined. Things will always get better in the end. Another helper will locate you later in the future who wouldn’t be imposing like that your Prof. Who will let you be a better parent than your parents. You just need to create space for that person to enter your life and let go of Prof.
If you chose option A and things didn’t work out between you and Prof, then you will still come back to start your life again choosing ur final option, which is B.
I repeat again, think hard about your future and choose the option that brings out the best in you. You deserve happiness and high self esteem in your future marital well.
Consider chirst in your life if you are not religious and pray to God for guidance.
I wish you well !!!
A post by whatsapp member “creve” from the whatsapp group that is worth considering.
………………………………………….
It has been series of me, me, me and me…
Series of personal stories and regrets for those that wanted opportunities like this but life did not permit…
Now let’s go to the person involved because that is what is most important NOW.
Who says she must marry this Prof. to be successful or go ahead in life..
Who says she must get a PHD to be someone in life and even live a happy life.
Is it not possible that her destiny on earth does not include her getting a PHD?
Somebody said to shake her until she gets sense but truth is what is good for you might not be good for another person..
A lady can choose to keep her virginity and walk away from a million naira *while* another will give it up for as low as 2 thousand naira..
So just as you would want to jump at the all expenses paid PHD offer, another person can still walk away from it in this 2020 and still be happy and OK…
The dullest student in my class in secondary school from JSS 1 to SS3 coming out 34th out of 34th consecutively is today the richest of all of us… He never attended a university but has two of us his class mates from secondary school and are Engineering graduates working in his production company in Aba..
So a PHD *might* not do her any good in future to make her risk her happiness.
*As for the pregnancy, most times some men are just a channel and are not meant to be father’s because they are not programmed and wired to stay as fathers and husbands…*
Also not every good intention is good for everyone…
And not every bad intention from the start stays bad till the end..
What is the possibility that he will stay with her untill she completes the PHD programme?
Vabal words is not a guarantee to take the deep and put her happiness at stake…
I see a proud man from a proud background who is a control freak and wants to super impose his wish or want on the life of a fellow equal human being because he is in a better place *(that is subject to change)* today…
It has been about how people wish it was them having this opportunity and how some missed this opportunity at some time in life..
But in all of these, nobody has put *GOD’S WILL* for her life into consideration…
It is truly a had dilemma. Unfortunately, your are in a difficult fix with your unborn child. You must consider the effects of whatever decision you are taking now on her. You should also consider giving him a benefit of doubt. Give yourself some hope too. A master degree is just 18 months. With his support, you will come out fine and see the possibility of a PhD after. Go one step after the other. He has not demanded for too much. It is entirely in your interest. You can, just believe.
It’s a very dicey situation that you’re in but since your parents are aware of your relationship have you told them? What are they saying ? .. you can’t continue to be pushed by people you have to decide on what you want because your decisions now will determine if you will be ever happy or fulfilled in life.
Number one:Getting pregnant was a very totally wrong move.
Number two; I dont think he wants you to read up to PhD level for your own benefits but for you to measure up to his and his parents standard,even as you’re not illiterate and has a degree.
How will he help you pass or did he study mass Comm?.
What if later another demand Is made of you or if he starts manifesting mamas boy syndrome in the marriage, he only want to do what dad n mum says and even you can’t change it,your day to day lives is decided based on what mama says…..
I hope he is the one that is gonna lecture you through the PhD.