Good day ma,
I need your help with my relationship.I am truly scared of loosing my fiance. Me and Jim (not real name) have been together for 6 whole years. Since my university. He is the love of my life and I have been so happy in my relationship until now.
The reason I love Jim so much is because he gets me.I make alot of mistakes due to my upbringing. I was raised by parents who were not always around. So,me and my siblings were left at the mercy of house helps.
I was disvigirned by our security man at age 12. I can barely say I was raised with morals. I am very stubborn and heady. I been in and out of relationships since age 14. All my ex boyfriends used to get fed up with my stubbornness. I guess I was just a rebel cos I never really got that parental love.
When I met Jim,I was 22. He kinda loved me despite my flaw. I was an annoying girlfriend but he understood me and just tried to bear with me. I knew he was the one for me. I was going to marry him. He was patient,he was like a mentor,he would teach me things no one taught me.
Instead of getting angry,he would laugh and sit me down and correct me in love. People use do wonder how he stuck to me for these six years. Well,in February this year, I met someone at the gym. He was a handsome s*xy man. He was flirted with me and I don’t know why I couldn’t resist.
Before I knew it,my old habits started. I was chatting with this guy and finally cheated with him. We had s*x in his place. I couldn’t stop seeing him. I knew I was doing something dangerous but it felt exciting. This was not love,I was not in love with him,it was just f*cking like rabbits.
I tried to hide it from Jim but he knew I was up to something. He called me to ask me what was wrong. He tried to get me to talk instead I flew up and accused him of suspecting me. He didn’t have any evidence so I pretended to be offended he was suspecting me.
And then,I found out in march I was pregnant. I did not know who I was pregnant for: Jim or my s*x buddy. I was so scared,I had an abortion. The week I had the abortion,I was weak and Jim thought it was pure malaria. He took care of me. I felt so bad I betrayed him. I swore not to cheat on him anymore.
For some reason,my gym guy started disturbing me again. This time,it was during lock down. He sent so may dirty texts to me, I couldn’t keep up with deleting them. In my foolishness, I told him that I aborted his pregnancy…I actually told him that to push him away.
That afternoon, Jim was like…hey babe…you are looking so fine,lets take a selfie. He took my phone to take the selfie and my phone started ringing. It was the gym guy…he kept ringing non stop and was like I should answer…I told him no…later…I will call him back.
Now this fool gym guy started to send voice notes and begging me not to leave him. That I should not have aborted his baby. Jim was still with my phone and mistakenly clicked open the voice note. I tried to grab the phone but it was too late.
Jim opened all my chats with this guy and read every thing and listened to all the voice notes. I sank to my knees…telling him: I can explain.All he said was: did you sleep with this guy? did you abort my child ? I couldn’t find the right words to respond…he broke down and started to cry. He cried so much I wanted to die.
All I could say was :baby please I cannot loose you. He got up,and asked me to leave. I have been begging him since. Its been 4days. I know I fucked up. I know he has been saying he cant wait for marry me and have a baby with me. Now,he finds out I slept with someone and aborted a baby that could have been his.
Meanwhile..gym guy is begging me. I had to block him. I want no one but Jim. Jim sent a long message that I should forget we ever met. That he thought he could fix me but I am too broken and cannot be fixed. I am lost without Jim ma. I hurt him and I know only God can make him forgive me but I am willing to do anything to get Jim to forgive me
If he does not take me back,I will end my life. I am serious. I f*cked up. Am I truly beyond redemption? I slipped…I can do better..I promise…Jim wont listen to me… I need help. Please advise me.
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You are still indecisive of what you really want.
You are aware someone loved and cared about you than the others you met before him and get you still went ahead to cheat on him. And still make him look like a fool.
My advice is that you continue begging him and plead for God’s mercy just maybe Jim might forget you, but I am very sure he will lack trust in you.
And please don’t even think of ending your life cause that’s no option.
Hmmmmm.
This is so sad. I even started crying now as I am Jim.
This how some ladies end up paying us back after the love we lavish on them. Kai ! Kai.
I think Jesus is the only person that fix you young girl.
Forget Jim or *wetin una think?*
You need God first of all. Repent of your promiscuous ways and ask God for forgiveness.
Change from your evil ways and turn a new leaf.
As for Jim, only God can touch his heart because you took his heart and broke it into pieces.
If it is God’s will, as you change your ways, God can make you worthy of him again. Good luck.
I can feel your pains,just be strong for urself! As for Jim,I believe he will come back to you,but I think he will need some time.for the facts that he stayed with you all these years, despite ur flaws,it shows he truly and sincerely loves you.And I believe he won’t want to throw that away!!
Hmm. The things we take for granted.
You have apologized and will now have to give him space to get this over with. Infidelity is no small thing. He is upset now and you disturbing him with messages and calls might just get him more irritated. So give him time to think.
Call the other guy and make it clear over the phone, don’t meet him in person, that you aren’t interested. Use this time to get your mindset right. You are grown up enough to start making the right decisions and correcting all the negatives of the past because you can’t keep blaming the past.
Wait for Jim as much as you can but don’t insist. If he comes back, you’ll do a whole lot to gain his trust again and if he doesn’t, you’ll have to move on and learn from it. Taking advantage of people is one thing that should never be on your table and be as sincere as possible.
On the suicide attempt, life is bigger than your mistakes, the younger generations will need to hear your story of how you over came this bad habit and your story will change lives. So please remove that from your mind. Surround yourself with people that hold you accountable to be the best version of yourself.
It’s well.
Wow!!! This is huge girl..you messed up big time and I don’t think Jim will come back.
All you need now is the help of God seriously! only God can fix you. You really need God in your life and when you allow God every other thing will fall in place.best of luck dear.
Yeah you messed up, You need to repent of your sins. You need to tell God about Jim because only God can touch his heart to love you again. You can also meet people that Jim holds in high esteem and explain to them. Don’t stop beggin him, it might take time but when you truly repent, you will know as your attitude will change. No one is above mistake, You have to be prayerful. I wish you the best.
U fuck up seriously…. I feel your pain dear
Hmmmmm…. I don’t even know how to start sef…but I think u should just give him space first, give him time to think this through… U fucked up yes… Wat is done is done… Killing yourself isn’t an option, u have asked him to forgive you also seek God’s forgiveness and let Him help u. You just have to get yourself together, you hurt him badly yes but like I said wat is done is done, you can’t undo it, you can only try to work on yourself thru God’s help not to repeat your mistakes… Take care dear
Suicide? No sis. Don’t even think about that. You are still young and you still have a whole lot to live for. Don’t kill yourself over a guy. There’s always another version (or better version) of Jim out there. If another guy could come from no where to seduce you in having an extra affair, then definitely other better guys will still come around.
Stop chasing after Jim for now. He needs space to think / reflect over everything because currently, the more you ask him to forgive you everyday, the more he will feel pained in remembering what you did and more hatred for you. Allow him to heal. Time heals. You could be sending him message to forgive you maybe weekly or every fortnights but don’t let it be a daily something because that’s not what you need to do now.
What you need to do starting from today is to give your life to christ first, ask for forgiveness of your sins, then commit your ways into God’s hands. Pray to God to heal you too and make you emotionally and mentally stable. With the word of God you will see new purpose for your life. If God wants you to still be with Jim, it will happen but if he is not the one God wants for you, somebody else, better than Jim, will come soon and turn your tears to that of joy. You just have to remain prayerful and faithful.
I will also recommend therapy for you if you have the money. Find a confider and a counselor. Someone who could be checking up on you frequently. It could also be your pastor. Just make sure you discuss this matter with someone, preferably older than you, that you trust, that can be leading you through this moment.
May God help you. I wish you well !!!
Chaiiii, you messed up but is well
Don’t kill yourself, have faith he will come back to you.keep on begging him but first work on yourself and forgive yourself too
You fuck up big time after that abortion you should have blocked him on social media nd blacklist him. You can do a man anything not cheating and aborting there child on less he is not ready to be father, to me keep on calling him texting him if possible go to his house, right now you need God to help you so sorry i feel your pain.
Give your heart to Christ and stop sabotaging yourself. Grow up and be responsible. There can never be trust between you two again. Move on.
Hello dear Lady,
Admittedly, you have done wrong!
You have hurt someone who tried all these years to fix you… so that you may fit in the quality picture of somebody he plans to spend the rest of his life with in Marriage.
I will not judge you, but why did it take you so long as to go through abortion….and Jim (because of his Unfailing) love and care; stood by you innocently, not knowing what you have done, before you realised you have betrayed and cheated him? Too bad !!!
You have hurt him deeply !!
Firstly, go to God and ask forgiveness for all your wrongs….ask Him to heal you completely.
Then pray for Jim that God may touch him, for forgiveness and healings… that Jim may forgive you also and take you back.
*But Note This; Do Not Take Your Life If Jim REFUSES To Take You Back, Please !!!*
Your case is not the first. Move on with life.
Cheers !!
You need therapy.
You might or might not get Jim back but you’ll be saved from plunging deeper into the abyss of self destruction and you can move on anew with your life and find another man.
First things first,Book appointments with a psychologist(shrink).
Try to see if you can get him back,show him you’re improving,that you even signed up for therapy.
I hope you get him back ….but if you don’t, focus on your therapy and become a better woman and things will fall in place.
If he is a principled person like me, he would never forgive you for flaring up against him when he suspected you at first. Unspoken commandment: Don’t fail to own up when you are accused rightly
It is a hard dilemma. A very tough quandry. I wish you told him you were raped and get the strange boyfriend to admit to it. Your boyfriend could have felt pity and give some concession. It is tough now. Please give him some time. He has a tear to shed. He is in more pain than you. I feel he will come back when he recovers. Please, don’t take your life. Stay healthy. May grace speaks for you.
It is a hard dilemma. A very tough quandry. I wish you told him you were raped and get the strange boyfriend to admit to it. Your boyfriend could have felt pity and give some concession. It is tough now. Please give him some time. He has a tear to shed. He is in more pain than you. I feel he will come back when he recovers. Please, don’t take your life. Stay healthy. May grace speaks for you.
I feel your pain dear but please don’t end your life cos there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Accept Jesus into your life that is the first foundation first, let him clean you up first before talking about Jim. I suggest you go to therapy, discover yourself first, forgive yourself and heal from your past mistakes. Is only God can change the heart of anyone, no amount of pleading or begging can do that so I suggest when you are done rediscovering yourself then you can go to God in prayers to touch the heart of Jim. Cos only God can bring Jim back to you. I wish you goodluck.
Hmmmmm,this is really serious n sad I really feel bad for Jim, but babe u no try at all ,now u are in a real messed up situation there,this is what u should do, allow Jim to cry out his pain n betrayal,he will come around I’m sure,if he truly loves u he will come back to u,if u have begged him to forgive u,give him time to come around don’t force urself on him, n learn ur lessons oooo,e no easy to fyn through love like this one .
Hello,
Your story is really deep. Life is tough and yours is no different.
But you have to learn to put the past in the past. Just because you hurt does not mean you have to hurt people who are genuinely trying to help you.
Having said the above: send a sincere apology letter to Jim. Be honest and ask for his forgiveness. Let him know you would do anything to make things right. Let him know you are willing to be a better person if he gives you a second chance.
Then you have to give him time to heal. You cannot force his hand. He needs to see you making an effort to be a better person and only time can tell if you truly will behave better.
So let him hurt and heal…and you take some time to do some sober reflection. Self development and make some serious character changes.
There is still hope but if after a while you reach out and he is still not ready ..then move on and do better in your next relationship.
As for threatening to commit suicide…I say this with all the love in my heart: suicide is selfish!…so you are hurting and you kill your self and make others you leave behind hurt for the rest of their lives? How does that show you even loved them in the first place?
If you really love someone and you want them to forgive you…dont kill yourself…work on your self and show them you can really be a better person. That is how you win them back if any chance.
You can also try some therapy sessions to address some of the struggles you face. Talk to someone that can help and pray.
All will be well…this is your opportunity to live the best version of your life. Just do better.
God bless you.
Same advise as jzhane
Jzhane has said it all. You had your opportunity and you blew it. Only you can decide if you can be redeemed or not. But am pretty sure that guy is gone… His ego has been punctured. Like you took him for a fool. You don’t know how he is hurt. You hurt him badly. And that kind of person would find it hard to now trust any other lady
You really messed up. To be honest, I think Jim still loves you as for getting back together!!! Forget it.