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Editor’s note:
This is the first part of a story of a young girl who got entangled with a married man. Please share your advise for the young lady.Part 2 will be shared shortly.
Hello Admin,
I am really sorry to bother you but I would like your opinion on an issue if you don’t mind. So basically its about my cousin, she’s my first cousin and we are really close.
We both finished secondary school in 2013 while I was offered admission into a Nursing school in the east , we had to wait three more years before she was accepted .
We had always remained very close though far apart , we managed to speak to each other at least 4 to 5 times every week. So we both knew everything happening in each other’s life and I had always worried about her complete lack of interest in guys even as we got older, we never mentioned having a boyfriend or even being in any sort of relationship.
I mean she never made mention of any relationship. So around January 2017 she started complaining to me about harassment from the owner of the lodge where she lived in school, she said she had been served a quit notice by the owner of the property (with her roommate), she pleaded with the caretaker who told them they had a right to the apartment until that same time the next year.
Very early one morning three months later she called and informed me that the landlord came with some thugs to send her forcefully out of the house. She was left stranded with her friend and she didn’t know anyone there as that was in the north. She packed some of her things to a hostel close by and waited for her friend at a bus station as she had instructed her to her friend being her roommate.
She said she actually waited for hours , she was beginning to get scared as she thought her friend had abandoned her .Around 8:30pm her roomie reappeared with a man who said he would help them. She said she recognized the man as he had a shop in front of her apartment and had approached her severally for friendship.
The man upon meeting her there became upset with her roomie ( whom she found later found out was dating the man) After much pleading from the other lady, he agreed to help them, he would give them accommodation for three days until the figure out what to do with themselves ( the man owned a hotel)
My cousin didn’t like the idea as she had never slept in a hotel before but she had no other choice except sleeping at the park. She agreed and left with them, she said the man treated them well and after they had freshened up he invited them to meet some of his friends and that was how the trouble started
This is probably long but I want to give you as much details as I can because it’s very critical. Note: she was 19 at that time… she met one of them and he took and interest in her…She wasn’t interested and after hearing how she and her friend had been treated the guys wanted to take it up but she declined
I knew about all this as she had called me at that time to inform me… she told me how nice he was , how he had decided to keep paying their bills at the hotel at that time until she figures out something…
She said she was really grateful but not interested in him relationship wise. I told her to inform him of her lack of interest in case he was helping her out in hope of dating her or any kind of reward.
She told him and he said even though he has come to like her because she’s so different from other girls he had met he wasn’t helping her in hopes of getting a reward from her or trying to take advantage of her. She said he would come daily to check up on her and sometimes even lodge in another room just to see her and talk to her
I guess he’s attitude made her start liking him and eventually they started dating… he employed her in his store and she suddenly stopped talking to me. I would call and she wouldn’t pick , everyone in the family started complaining including her parents…She would always say she is fine … she disconnected from everyone including me.
She stopped coming home for Christmas, Easter and any other family functions which we had always looked forward to. We didn’t talk for 1 whole year(2018) and around March 2019 she called and said we wanted to come visit me and I was at Kwara at that time.. I was so happy she had finally gotten her old self and I invited her over.
She told me she was pregnant… she told me she had already aborted a baby three months earlier, she told me the guy had been hiding a truth from her all this while. That he was actually married with 2kids and his family where living in the same state with them
To be continued….
Anonymous Lively Stones Member
Photo Credit:Ynaija
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Men why ? Why are some so heartless?
In this case she informed the man she was not interested but the man kept sowing seed. I wrote an article some months back titled Negative consistency and Positive consistency Looking at this , do you think its a negative or positive one ? Lets get talking
Consistency is consistency Biko. The lady fell for a guy she didn’t do a research on. She should have bided her time. A married man can’t spend money on a single lady for so long without getting returns, once he sees there is no return he will back out. She didn’t do her research enough.
The lady fell due to her naive nature… All is still consistency
Some men Sha!
Lol… Really wicked
Consistency is consistency Biko. The lady fell for a guy she didn’t do a research on. She should have bided her time. A married man can’t spend money on a single lady for so long without getting returns, once he sees there is no return he will back out. She didn’t do her research enough.
The man made an attempt, the girl fell, I think we should wait to hear the full story. As for me, inasmuch as I will blame the man, I blame the lady too. She should have sorted out herself ontime, and not cut off from her cousin and family members.
She was in dire need and she didn’t deem it fit to tell her parents/relatives on time! She acted out of ignorance and peer pressure! God help her to make the right decision.
[…] here for part 1 of the story.What do you think this young lady should […]
From the way you described your cousin as naive wasn’t she taught s*x education? When she started withdrawing from everyone and was stranded in school what did her parents do about it? Didn’t she communicate with them?b
Well, your cousin needs help now so all my above questions may not make any sense right now.
Let her leave that environment, go home and restart her life all over again as a single mom with her child. Her family should know the father of the child and ensure he brings support to her but her education rests on her family not on the man, he has nothing more to offer other than taking care of the child.
I wish her all the best in her endeavours, it is well.
All she needs to do is to tell her parents
While this was going on she couldn’t call her parents or relative to help her ,
Why the sudden cut off the family ?
What role did her family play in her being stranded at school, why did she cut off from them? Why didn’t she say no to the man? Why didn’t she make findings on him if he was married or not, I mean in this day and age of social media? Being naive is not an excuse for stupidity.
You wrote a long story about this. But some important details are still missing
– Like why didn’t she contact her parents / guardians to help her sort out the accommodation issue?
– Who sponsored her education? Was it still her parents / guardians?
– Did she cut off her family too while dating the man?
– Did she have any fight or issues with her family?
Because all these needs clarity to really understand why she chose to take such a big step alone and start depending on a guy for her survival.
She should find a way to let go of that man ryt this moment