Editor’s note:
Please read the story below and advise. Be kind in your words,no bashing please.Poster just needs objective advise.
God bless.
Hello,
I’m interested in sharing my story but want to be anonymous.My parents were not together so I stayed with my aunt when I was a kid. My mum left when I was in junior secondary school and I saw my dad only twice.
Life became tough and my aunt eventually asked me to leave when I completed Junior secondary school. It was my some relatives who took care of me in senior secondary school because I was brilliant.
I passed my Jamb exam but I couldn’t go to the university immediately because nobody was willing to help. I took a job in an electronics shop to enable me save for my tertiary education as I was bent on going back to school regardless of the situation.
It was then that I met this man, I was 19 and he was 48. He was very caring and helped me a lot financially. He assisted me to purchase my university forms. I fell in love with this man because he gave me all the love I never got from my parents and relatives.
This man more like my father and boyfriend and I felt secured around him though we don’t spend much time together because he is married with kids. Finally I started university a year after and this man was there for me.
No family member of mine not even my mother visited me in school through my 4 years on campus but this man will come around almost every two weeks with provisions and money for my upkeep.
Fortunately one of my Uncles in Spain decided to take care of my school fees and hostel fees, and the rest of my upkeep was taken care of by this man.( feeding, clothing, books etc). I was basically taking care of myself from age 19 and with the help of this man. I graduated from the university. I am almost done with my Service.
Now I’m 23 and he is 52. He keeps fit and still look younger than his age. we have grown to love each other a lot and he has become very jealous and possessive and doesn’t want any other man near me. He wants to marry me as his 2nd wife and his culture allows it and entitled to more than one wife so its not a problem.
My issue is we don’t spend much time together because of his family and we have s*x once in 2 weeks. He keeps telling me things will change when we’re officially married because he wouldn’t have to keep it a secret anymore and I believe him.
He is willing to help me get a job after my service because he is influential and quite powerful and I Know he will get me accommodation and car and all. I’m comfortable with spending the rest of my life with him but my major problem is family and friends, what they will say about me.
Also, will my family will accept a man old enough to be my father as my husband? Sometimes I feel like being his baby mama if my family doesn’t accept him. I’m really confused and don’t know what to do now.
Anonymous Lively Stones Whatsapp member
Photo Credit:Clip Dealer
Hello,
If only this man that helped you was not married,this would have been easy to advice.
The way I see it,God used him to help you through life. That does not mean you must repay him by marrying him. I think you grew close to him because he was like a father figure to you and if you take this to a law court,one would argue that he took advantage of you cos you were a minor when you met.
Now,you have fallen in love with him. No one can blame you but he is a married man. You should have the freedom to choose who to marry. You should not marry him just because he helped you.
I do not think you love him of your own free will. This looks to me like manipulated love.
even if his culture or religion accepts more than one wife: does your own religion and culture accept it?
Will his wife and children accept you?
Do not forget that you both cheated for many years before now. Agreed,you had to do what you had to do to get to where you are in life but are you willing to continue this kind of life?
If you have a daughter tomorrow,is this the type of life you want for her?
I am sorry your life was hard but I do not think you should marry someone just because you started having s*x with them when you had no choice.
What you can do is try to repay him when you can.
If you feel you truly love him and want to marry him,that is on you but if you want objective advise: you do not have to marry him. Just ask yourself,will God be pleased with my decisions?
I pray you make a wise decision today.
God bless you.
Life is a journey and in your journey u had encountered some problems and this problems could as well be managed otherwise if u had prayed and asked God for directions. My dear u knew he was married .. and accepting to go out with a married man should have been the last thing but u yielded to it due to your condition and now u are asked to pay for it by depriving yourself of the real happiness of life please dr life is too short and whatever that u get through wrong doing u shall surely one day pay for it.. u have done it and now it’s time to repent and continue walking with God and beg God to forgive u ..he is not your first and last destiny helper God will give u better than u are thinking .. don’t make another mistake
If the man loves you and you love him same… Don’t look at what others would say. Go ahead
I beg oh…where were family and friends when you needed them the most?
I think he was just a destiny helper to you. A destiny helper can come in different forms. He is meant to get you to where you are today but to marry him No. He is not giving you time now because he is married. What gives you the assurance that he will give you the time you deserve when you are married to him. Of course the love will be divided because he is married too. Appreciate him with the little help you can render and look for your true love.