My Fiancé & His Family Deceived Me For Months -How I Discovered The Devastating Truth
Hi,
My fiancé and I have been together for two years now. We wanted to get married last year but he suddenly fell sick. That changed our lives completely. Initially, I thought it was diabetes…that was what he told me…cos he was loosing wait and was always in the hospital.
I did my best to be by his side. I loved him and I did not want to abandon him in his time of need. He was in and out of hospital for almost 5 months. When he was later discharged, he was on so many drugs and I was also by his side.
The only thing I prayed to God to do was to heal him. I am a stylist, taking care of him really affected my business but his family provided finances for us. Especially his sister abroad. In October, he seemed to be getting better, even though he was still looking skinny.
He was so happy that I stayed with him. He wanted us to get married and I agreed. We were planning to have a small wedding cos of his health…he still looking skinny you know. So, we started planning. Wedding was fixed for December ending.
One day…my fiancé called me to come. He was with one of his doctors who treated him while he was in the hospital for months. I was scared…why is Dr. Oyemike (not real name) with my fiancé…hope no problem.
My fiancé asked me to sit down. My heart was racing. He then told me that he cannot continue our wedding plans without him telling me the truth….and the doctor was here to help him tell me the truth about his illness. My fiancé now told me that he is HIV positive.
He told the doctor and his family to tell me it was diabetes because he did not want me to leave him. But that as we get closer to getting married after all I sacrificed by staying by his side…his conscience did not allow him continue without telling me.
How did he become HIV positive…he did not want to say cos he said it does not matter. But I started crying…cos I felt he did not trust me and still does not trust me enough to tell me the truth of it all…he then said he met with a prostitute two months before he fell sick…that he never meant to cheat on me but he went to a private party and his friends organized a party and there were girls…call girls…
That party…I remembered it. It was in Abuja. It happened when he was there for a business meeting…his friend had linked him up with someone who would give him a big contract…the meeting went well and later he was invited to a private party. He told me about the party but never mentioned there were girls there.
Then Dr. Oyemike now explained that I should try and forgive him for not telling me but that my fiancé was going to commit suicide if I found out. So, they all promised not to tell me. That HIV can be managed and we can still be married and live happy with drugs.
I was also told that his elder sister has promised to bring us abroad after our marriage so we can get the best care for the HIV and make sure that I don’t suffer or regret anything. To me, I was very shocked and all I felt was how the entire family and even doctors connived to keep such a deadly secret from me.
How can I get into marriage with such a family and with such people around him. I had to tell them that I needed to think about it, tell my family and pray about this. I was shaking. My fiancé begged me not to tell my family. I told him my family must know. Cos, its my life….they have to know.
He finally agreed…but since then…I have not had the heart to tell my family. I feel like I should not tell anyone…I should just walk away…my fiancé is saying his life is over if I leave him. His sister has spent time telling me how the family will make sure we are ok…that they will bring us abroad….
All these is making me have soft feelings and want to still marry this man but there are things that still bother me:
- I cannot tell my family…if I do…they will never support this marriage and if I dont…if anything happens, they will not be happy with me
- My fiancé cheated on me to get a business deal….I never saw him as that type of man…has this sickness changed him or will he still do that if things changed?
- My fiancé’s family and everyone around him kept his status a secret from me…they say because he was suicidal….I will never completely trust them…or am I over reacting?
Please advise me…if you were in my shoes….what will you do? I need urgent advise…
Anonymous
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Please find yourself another man oooo,don’t marry out of sympathy. Forget all those abroad promises,make sure you have not been infected with the virus oooo. A family that kept such from you, how are you sure they won’t change after you must have gone abroad,they can even abandon you to carry the cross alone,you better think twice,can you live with such a person as a husband knowing full well about his status?Let’s not deceive ourselves this marriage cannot work forget the drugs he is taking unless by divine intervention of God oooo.
The first thing to do now is to go for test, whether you are negative or positive. And you can’t ascertain that until after 6month. So tell them to give you time and halt any wedding process for now.
If you test negative then pack your things and never looked back but if you test positive, you have to stay with him and carry the cross together and support each other.
It is not compulsory you share from the punishment of his carelessness. If you don’t marry him, he will definitely see a lady at the center that is tested positive that he can get married to. Or inform the doctor to connect him to a lady that is positive too.
I will tell you for free, if he is in your shoe, he won’t think twice before living you. You have done the right thing by supporting him during his sickness.
Dont be emotional, wear your think cap, be logical and realistic to yourself because you will deal with trauma for the rest of your life.
My advice is simple: Kindly walk away. He brought this upon himself, he shouldn’t rope you in by threatening to commit suicide. In fact, if he wants to hang himself, that’s totally his business, not yours. Don’t allow emotions to make decisions for you. Use your head, not your heart. All the best!
Let your parents know, this is not the kind of thing to hold back from them.
I hope you have not slept with Him.
Please do a test. If negative now and after 3 months time, please do not consent to marriage.
Be kind in breaking off the relationship and if he is contemplating sucide please watch your back so He does not inflict the ailment on you forcefully when you say no.
Let this be a lesson for the next person you meet prayerfully .
No S.e.x before marriage and test before marriage.
He can marry someone with the same status and they can pull through together abroad.
Don’t let the promise of coming abroad make you say yes to marriage especially if your result is negative.
He can keep going on taking his medication and remain alive while seeking supernatural healing.
Thank God they told you … run. In fact if you can relocate so He never finds you , do.
Are you also HIV positive? Cos you excluded this info, if yes then carry on and if No then move on
I have only two word for you.
MOVE ON
That why I always condmen S.e.xuak immorality no matter how anyone tries to make me understand it, I will never justify it at all. Dear sister, do test to know your status. I won’t tell you to stay or leave him, but one thing I will say is FLEE FORNICATION AND ADULTERTY, until we condemn S.e.xual immorality we haven’t started yet. GOD bless .I am Akin