My Husband Has Cheated On Me But I Do Not Believe In Divorce-Please Advise
Good day,
I need advise. I have been married for 7 years. I have a son who is 6 years old. My husband and I have been having issues since day 1 of our marriage. I noticed he was cheating from the first day of our marriage. I saw on his phone chats, conversations with one woman.
That became the beginning of our troubles. I did not notice he was cheating before our marriage if not,I would not have married him. I was raised to see marriage as a sacred union. My parents were married for 43 years before my dad died 3 years ago.
I was not going to leave him cos he was cheating but I was upset cos I felt like he deceived me. All through our marriage, he cheated with several women. I thought having a baby would make things smoother but it didn’t.
By the third year, I was tired of treating myself for STDs ,so I stopped sleeping with him. That has been my marriage experience since day 1. I decided to focus on my son and myself. Whether he cheats or not…I decided to not bother.
My husband did not allow me stay on my own, he forced himself several times and I started thinking maybe it was time to leave the marriage cos I did not want to keep enduring rape in my own marriage.
The family supported him. That he is my husband and as long as we are married, he has right to sleep with me whether I like it or not. That was how I endured years of s*xual abuse in my marriage. I suffered in silence. I was not happy but I still stayed in the marriage.
Why did I stay? One: I do not believe in divorce….two: he is my legal husband and I cannot refuse him s*x as the bible says. In January this year, I found out that my husband got a woman on our street pregnant. He has a one year old daughter with the woman. For me, that was the straw that broke the Carmel’s back.
Since then, I have been saving up money to get an apartment, somewhere decent. That was when I met someone in a whatsapp group. He is a widower. His wife passed on 2 years ago. We both are active members of the group and when I made a comment on men who always cheat,he made a response that not all men are scum.
He private chatted me and we been close since then. He requested we meet in April. We met up in a restaurant and I am really happy I met him. He is warm and kind and very caring. He has been my friend and I really like him.
He then offered me to move into an apartment that is his since I been looking for money to move out. So he has houses in town and one of the apartment is vacant. I have gone to check the apartment and its really cool.
My only issue is, I know this: I know that moving into this man’s apartment means that he may want a relationship or s*x with me. He already told me he likes me alot and would love to take things to the next level…possibly a relationship when I divorce my husband. And I like him but I do not think I am ready for a divorce.
You see,I still do not believe in divorce. I can separate from him but I do not want to divorce cos the bible is against it. So, should I tell him that I am not going to divorce my husband or should I just move into the apartment and hope he does not feel I led him on?
I may never divorce and if I do…I will not remarry. That is what the bible says. I do not want this kind man will understand my choice….
I really need to move out of this place and the only money I have cannot get the type of decent place I would prefer. I think God sent this man to help me with the accommodation issue but he may be expecting me to return the favor s*xually….how do I avoid that?
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The only way to avoid it is to tell him you are not ready for divorce . You dont believe in divorce.
Madam keep saving till you have the money to move out and don’t lead the man on. Tell him upfront that you are not going to divorce your husband or remarry. Be very clear with him so no one is hurt.
If the man still wants to be your friend even after knowing your stance then it is fine.
You seem to be a good person with a good heart, people like you are very very scarce..I hail you. I like your view on marriage, but your husband won’t stop, trust me he won’t stop most cheaters get to the point of no return and wil even flaunt it to your face, don’t ever trust anyone my dear sister, I need you to be VERY STRONG, trust me you are much stronger than you think. Keep saving money as much as you can and don’t let your husband or anyone know, as for the rape issue, its wrong for a man to rape his wife..its very wrong I say, check for centers that deal with this issue, I also advise you to listen to radio, 91.3, 91.7, 99.3, they talk about these things often listen to 92.3 today Tuesday by 8pm, the program is called wives round table. Make sure you get the social media of one of them her and No if possible and follow up by calling them. For the other man, he only wants yo take advantage of your situation, he will say all sweet things to you to decieve, but please don’t tell for him, pls don’t go to the house or at all, once you stay in his apartment, you will most likely have S.e.x with him, pls sister be SMART and don’t be emotional about it. Do std tests to know if you have any. Save as much as you can, your husband adultery is not your fault at all. He is a grown man, he can choose right or wrong so he is 100% at fault not you..pls don’t blame yourself at all for his adultery, he is a greedy covetous and wicked man. Pls stay strong cos you are much stronger than you think. Take care of yourself and son and pls DO NOT CHEAT OR COMMIT ADULTERY. GOD bless you sister.
There’s a place in the bible where divorce is permitted on the basis of adultery. My own is, study this widower very well before thinking of pursuing anything with him. All that glitters is not gold. Study him well first before making any decision. Good luck.
They appear good in beginning but their intentions are always wrong. Don’t fall easily because you think he’s good. Be wise in your decision and pray for God’s help. All the best sis.
Poster, do you think GOD who creates women detest us to the point of making us endure various sickness and heartbreak all in the name of marriage?
I am also a married woman and I’m very positive that GOD loves me beyond my imagination and wouldn’t let me suffer sickness, humiliation, deceit and many more all in the name of marriage. In my opinion, if you really like the man, move into his vacant apartment (never stop saving though) and make your point clear to him that you will not repay the favor for S.e.x.
Your husband might realize you can then do without him and then come back to his senses earlier than you can imagine. (Story of my life)
Please, commit this to prayers and also use your head by realizing GOD loves you and wouldn’t want you to suffer from a man who is meant to make you happy.
Madam,
Please do not move into that man’s apartment without telling him you have no plans of marrying him.
Yes,…that might make him change his mind but you do not need to lead him on.
If he decides to still help you with the apartment…then, at least you were honest.
As for your husband, the decision is up to you.
I do not think it is wise to remain in an abusive marriage without seeking help.
Do you not have family members that you can live with? Remember your children are watching the abuse and its going to have an impact in their lives forever. Is this what you want for your children?
If you decide to leave…leave and continue to pray for him…he could be touched by God and really come around.
In the meantime…dedicate time to heal and love yourself and raise your children to be better than their parents.
You cannot move on to another man while you are still married….choose which part you want to take and stick with it.
Cheers
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