HomeAdviceTrue Life Story: An Older Woman Just Proposed Marriage To Me

True Life Story: An Older Woman Just Proposed Marriage To Me


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True Life Story: An Older Woman Just Proposed Marriage To Me

Hello Lively Stones,

I will be brief. Last year, I got a new job in a company that I have been dreaming of working with. The only issue was this company was in far Ajah and I live in Ikorodu. It was very stressful, so I started looking for someone to stay with or rent my place in Ajah. Because of the distance, I used to come late sometimes. So, one day, I got a query for late coming…I was summoned to the management floor.

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My Line Manager asked me to explain the reason for my lateness and I explained the distance. That was the day I met one of the other managers, a lady that everyone fears in the company. They said she is madam Iron Lady. Her name is Lola (not real name). After work that day, as I was going home, I saw a jeep leaving the office and the window rolled down, it was that manager, Lola.

Lola asked me if I needed a ride, I said yes, to at least, the closest place I can get a bus to mainland. When I got into her car, Lola said she heard what happened and why I got a query. Lola offered me to come and stay with her in Lekki if I want. I was surprised cos I never expected someone everyone has been gossiping about, to be a very wicked boss to offer me a place to stay in her house.

Lola made me promise not to tell anyone in the office that I was staying with her though. So, I moved in with her and even used to go home separately so people don’t know. What I did not know was , Lola wanted to seduce me. She was like, one good turn deserves another: she was offering me accommodation for me to be servicing her with S**. I would have declined but I had no other alternative.

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So, Lola and I have been in a S**ual relationship, she is older than me by 6 years. So, you can call her my sugar mummy. Despite how we came into a relationship, I must confess, Lola is a nice person. She only puts up a wicked appearance outside cos its a defense for her, as a single woman. She said people don’t take her seriously as a single woman …so she puts on a defense of a very unapproachable person. I must confess …I like Lola …she treats me well.

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Some of Lola’s friends know about us and some of mine know her too. In December last year, Lola and I were gisting, she asked me about my plans for the coming year. I told her, I was planning to move into my own place. She kept quiet and after a while, she asked, what about marriage…I looked at her, wondering what she was thinking. Lola said she loves me and would want us to get married. She asked me to think about it. I gave it a long thought for a few days and I agreed that I love her as well and so we can get married next year.

The only thing that is disturbing me now is the conditions Lola gave for the marriage. She said I must tell people that we are the same age. She cannot be seen to be marrying someone she is six years older than. She also said, I must resign cos both of us cannot be married and be in the same working place. For me, I understand her concerns but if there is one thing I fear about marrying an older woman is that the woman will be controlling you.

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I think Lola is not seeing it that way…why must I hide my age? Why should I be the one to resign? She is from a rich home, she can afford to resign…I am sure she will find another job faster than me. I am quite disturbed that she might be a controlling wife…even her favorite kind of S** is BDSM, she makes sure that I am the submissive one in the relationship. I love the excitement of BDSM but I am a man, how will I be submissive to a woman even if its during S**?

I did not mind when we just lovers but if we are to marry, she has to be the submissive one during S** and in real life. For those who don’t know much about BDSM, it involves applying some force and mild punishment to a submissive lover by the alpha lover using things like whips, handcuffs, etc….she likes being the alpha lover or master and me being the submissive one…its just role play essentially and I did not mind before…in truth…she allowed me be the alpha sometimes…few times actually….she preferred to be in charge most times.

I told her my concern and she said I am just being a local African man, that these days, it does not matter that the man is the full time husband….or submissive lover…as long as both couples are happy….she says I am just being local in my thinking…she asked me to think about it…till the end of Janaury…to give her my final answer otherwise, we can separate. I love Lola….despite her money, rich family…she is sweet and treats me very well…my only fear is…she might be controlling in the marriage as she has shown in S** and in career…

Please advice me…should I forget about these my worries, maybe I am just afraid cos of cultural bias like Lola said ….so should I marry her based on the love we have ….after all…every body cannot have the same type of relationship….Lola is a modern girl….she likes modern kind of relationships….or should I just forget about her …maybe I will not be able to withstand her controlling me in marriage?


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Don’t marry Fola,you can be friends with her but say NO to marriage. Mind your work,get a place of your own as soon as possible and leave her place.

    God bless you as you stick to this advice

  2. The big questions remains for you to answer.

    Can you withstand, tolerate and condone her controlling lifestyle?

    Do you think you have anything to loose if you separate from Lola?

    Is your ego weak and will remain low for the rest of your life even when it gets to taking important decisions for your family, kids and even your future?

    Have you confirmed if Lola don’t have a fertility issue and wants a young man that will be patient and easily convinced to do surrogacy in the end?

    I hope she doesn’t have female partner that will show up when you can’t say no more and become a service boy to them?

    If you resign and can’t get a job, what will that turn you to?

    Man, wise up.

    Get your apartment and tell Lola your mind and maintain your stand. Move out and focus on your job. After all, no one knows you were dating.

    Be the man. Lola doesn’t love you. Any man can play the role you are playing now. She won’t change and modern relationship isn’t a sound excuse for her behaviour.

    If you marry Lola, it won’t last.
    If it lasts a while, you must be the big fool and submissive one but you will come out damaged.

    Resist the niceness and be wise. Being woke doesn’t sustain a good and enjoyable marriage.

    All the best.

  3. She is not proud of you as her man and she will keep doing things like this to you if you agree to marry her. You are beneath her ‘type’. So I advise that you leave her, do not continue to be friends before she hook you with pregnancy.
    It’s like she just wants to settle and you are not a bad guy but she is not ready to come down her high horse. Don’t accept to be treated as an option.


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