HomeAdviceTrue Life Story: I Have Been Having Sleepless Nights About My Marriage

True Life Story: I Have Been Having Sleepless Nights About My Marriage

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True Life Story: I Have Been Having Sleepless Nights About My Marriage

Hello Lively Stones Family,

I need your advise. I have been married to my husband for six year, we have a five year old daughter. My husband has a baby mama that has two girls for him. The girls are ten and eight years old. He told me he did not want to marry his baby mama cos she was a runs girl, he had caught her severally with different men, he had to take a DNA tests on his children to make sure they are truly his children.

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When we got married, my husband told me that his baby mama took the girls away and said he will never see his children again. For over six years, we never heard anything from this woman until she suddenly appeared last December, on Christmas day. When the bell rang, my husband’s younger brother who was in the sitting room, was the one that opened the door…he came to tell me and my husband.

We were both shocked to see her and the girls and one boy. My husband was so overjoyed to see his daughters. I welcomed them in and gave them food to eat. The children were also happy to meet my daughter, their half sister. We all just thought the boy with them was the woman’s son from maybe another man she was with. It was after eating, that my husband’s babymama said that the boy is my husband’s son.

According to her, she found out she was pregnant after she left him but she was so upset that she vowed not to tell him about his son. And true to talk, the boy looked so much like my husband. My husband was so happy…he hugged the boy several times. I was happy for my husband but also sad that my husband’s first son is coming from the baby mama. I reminded my husband that he has to do DNA too for the boy to make sure the boy is his…my husband agreed.

ALSO READ: Can Our Relationship Survive His Baby Mamas & Mother- Inlaw Baggages-Pls Advise

This woman and her children stayed till evening. When I asked when are they leaving, the woman said they are staying the night. And that, she wants the children to start living with their father cos things are difficult for her. She cannot cope with taking care of them anymore.  I was shocked….like, the children can stay but not her…she said she has no where to stay and no money for hotel. So, my husband gave her money to go to a hotel. The children stayed with us.

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That night, I asked my husband how am I supposed to look after this woman’s 3 children plus mine. My husband said we will manage cos he cannot reject his children. The next day, my husband spoke to his baby mama on the phone. This woman said she wants to be close to her children. She wants to relocate back to Lagos mainland cos she lives on the island…so she can be close to the children. I said ok.

After the DNA test that proved the boy is my husband’s son…things are normal now. The 3 children are living with us,…they have started school. They are play with my children. Last Friday, their mother came to visit them on Friday evening. I asked her why she didn’t come in the morning on Saturday cos Friday evening that she came was already late, around 7.30pm. She said traffic held her.

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This woman stayed until it was almost 10.30pm..I had to ask when is she leaving…she said she wants to spend the night with her children in her childrens room. Ha…I said no way…I asked her to leave…she refused….I looked at my husband….my husband asked her to leave…she was like, why am I so wicked….that she has raised this children by herself for six years and now I want to keep her away from her children.

I told her she can come back the next day, take her children to spend the weekend with her and bring them back on Sunday evening. She started saying I am heartless…she only just wants to spend the night in her childrens room…because she was crying…my husband said ok,..she can spend the night with the kids. That night, I refused to speak to my husband cos I felt he betrayed me. This woman spent the entire night, the next day in our house and when it was almost 4pm….I asked her to leave….she laughed an evil laugh….

The next thing she said is….you are being jealous right….that your husband’s ex is back…and if you keep acting like this…I will take him back from you…hes mine first and will always be mine first. She left around 4.30pm. All through that weekend, I was unhappy and angry at my husband for allowing his ex back into our lives. Clearly, she has an agenda..to get him back.

On Wednesday, my husband said…the children’s mother said he should bring the children to her place over the weekend since I dont want to see her. I said ok…So, after school yesterday….my hubby took the children to drop them in their mom’s place. My people …do you know my husband did not return home yesterday…even till this morning…as am writing you…hes not back from the Island…from his ex house where he went to drop his children yesterday evening.

The only text my husband sent last night around 11pm was that, there was alot of traffic and so he will be staying back on the island…to come back in the morning. I asked him where will he spend the night…maybe in a hotel….he said I should not ask him…that he is a grown man and he can take care of himself…my God….last night…I could not sleep…all I kept thinking was my husband was with the ex…and maybe having s3x with her.

I am boiling with anger and frustration….waiting for my husband to return…almost 10am this morning…he’s still not back…his no is switched off. My mind is running wild….I have been crying too…I know I cant control myself when he comes back but I also feel if I am not careful…I may loose my husband and drive him into the arms of this witch. This woman looks like a seductress…with her big breasts and bum….swinging it everywhere….no wonder why men can’t keep away from her.

Please I need my husband away from her…how do I handle this matter,….I feel like I am already loosing this battle before the war even started. I need advise quickly….

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

7 COMMENTS

  1. This one serious ooooo,the children has to stay with their mother ,please. There should be an agreement ooo,you can’t be taking care of her children.

    Let the children stay with their mother,your husband’s baby mama. You have to report this matter to your husband’s people asap,this babe has an agenda,she already threatened you by saying if you are not careful,she will take him away from you.

    Just be calm,be calm with your husband too,it is not his fault,that lady is not ordinary,she is dangerous and you have to be careful. Remember,this is a fight to finish,don’t abandon or leave your husband for that witch.

    You need to find out where she lives too,it is very important. Your husband has to be careful as well,huh! Trouble dey sleep,yanga come wake am,it is well. Just be calm when he comes back

  2. This is serious. She had a mission from beginning to take your husband from you. There are certain things one should fight over and there are certain things one should accept. For your husband to have 3 children with same woman abeg something dey happen. It’s obvious she knows your husband cannot resist her. No reasonable mother would willingly leave her kids for a man no matter how poor she is. My Dad is very rich but when my mum was leaving she carried all of us to her one room to manage. Dear poster,she wants your husband she knows she will get him and you need to accept it because your husband cannot resist her. Do not give yourself high blood pressure please. Please watch the drama both of them are playing,your husband wants her as much as she wants him yes that’s the fact. Don’t try looking for ways to make her carry her kids because you will be the bad person at the end of the day remember your husband wants the kids around. No matter how family judge this matter he would always go back to her you can’t always monitor him remember. Please try focus your energy on something else and accept there’s a woman now in your husband’s life. You’re beginning to have sleepless night while both of them are sleeping peacefully. Please think carefully. I come in peace.

  3. Hmmmm for you ooo.
    You married a man that has 2 children from same woman. That’s serious a red flag as far as am concerned for the relationship to continue. And she came back with the third child. Hmmm.
    That woman will be claiming she has more rights over your husband, seeing herself as the first wife.
    Hope you are legally married to him?
    If yes, then, this is not a matter to be handled with emotions. That woman will not rest until she has collected your husband from you. She feels no one will marry her after 3 children and particularly from the same man!
    You need God now more than ever. You need to draw closer to God and seriously seek for His intervention in your marriage. ONLY GOD CAN DO THIS.

  4. Follow all men with peace.

    The lady is playing a mind game.

    If you hit hard, she will hit back fiercely.

    Relax. Take a deep breathe.

    Discuss with your hubby about these kids and woman.

    Know possible options to handle this but get your families involved but have an open mind.

    Taje a center stage in your husband’s life with love, prayers and love for his kids.

    Avoid every issue even when it’s hard. Your husband won’t let go easily especially with his kids involved. He wants the woman. Ensure you are legally married. Build your wealth.

    Distract yourself maybe with a new baby, skill and passion.

    I pray for peace and safety for you and your child.

  5. madam u made a mistake allowing ur husband to go and meet the other woman that was a big risk , u simply loose guard too much , any woman that had sex with ur husband before He met u Can do so again under the rich opportunity , if u loose guard too much , this is why if u are dating a woman who has an ex it is better they disconnect from each other forever .

    this things happen both for both gender ,the woman said she wants to see her children but the children is just a bait for her to get the man lock down,i think they had sex that’s just what I believe , because she wants to make sure she takes ur husband fromu ,and the children is the tool she hope to get that man back.

    this issue is difficult because now if ur husband did have sex with her which is wat I believe,he has just raise old passion of desire for her,and much worst if she is better than u in bed,then there might be a bigger issue.

    u have two choices , one tell ur husband that he either choose between u and the woman , because now u have a rival take it or leave it , if he truly wants u thenu must take full custody of the kids , but the woman must not in any way come close to the children , if she does u might arrest her , this is more difficult to achieve .

    then the second is for u to accept that u have a second wife , and save urself the stress, believe u are the first wife she is the second because the problem is, it is difficult to separate the mother from the daughter , I understand u did not bargain for this but it is something u can’t change .

    this is the risk that comes with dating single father whose wife and children are alive , or same for the single mother whose baby daddy is still at arm’s length .

    but there are exemption , if the single mother or the baby daddy really love their presents spouses , and if they truly do they would certainly have nothing to do with their ex , infact they wouldn’t give them an inch of closeness .

    for ur husband the case is different , he still loves the woman take it or leave it which makes the issue very difficult to deal with .

    my candid advice for u just accept the fact u now have a rival wife because if u over frustrate ur husband he would just end up in the arms of the ex woman, because like u say she has a son for him .

    seem u were in the dark for a long time , too bad for u madam.

    as a woman if u really want to date a man with children with another man , make him sign a legal document that he would have nothing to do with his ex, because if he does he would be sanction by the law .

    so Madam welcome to the new reality .

  6. Well said mme Ezego.
    As for you my Dear sister, be watchful and steadfast in the place of Prayer because there’s nothing God cannot do.
    Commit the whole situation to God and relax( difficult though but possibly).
    Also remember if you stress your self alot, your children may risk losing you to death and imagine their fate if you die.
    Pray the scriptures and break any bond between your husband and the evil woman because her main aim is to destroy your home.
    Unfortunately for her, the union between your husband and her was never planted by God and confirm this in Matthew 15:13.
    Well, it’s not a one man battle.
    You need people to help you too.
    It’s well, be strong for your kids and be strong in the Lord too

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