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True Life Story: It Was Just A Little Distraction From My Marriage Problems But Someone Is Blackmailing Me


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True Life Story: It Was Just A Little Distraction From My Marriage Problems But Someone Is Blackmailing Me

Good evening Lively Stones,

I need help. Please keep me anonymous. Someone is blackmailing me. I am a 26 year old, I got married to my college sweetheart at the age of 21. We have a son who is 5 years old and living with his grandma because I am in school and my husband japa two years ago. I am studying to be a nurse, so that I can join my husband when I finish my nursing training. My husband has not come home since he japad, we try to speak everyday but I miss him so much.

Just before he travelled, we made a promise to tell each other the truth of whatever may happen while we are apart. So last year October, over a year after my husband travelled, my husband told me that I should pray for him, that the temptation over there from ladies is much. I laughed over it cos I know he is a handsome man, ladies cannot resist him, but one day, I had a dream that my husband slept with someone. This dream disturbed me so much that I had to ask him if he had s3x with someone.

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My husband was shocked…I could see the shock on his face….he tried to evade the question but I knew I was right…so I cut the call…he called back and tried to explain that it was a mistake and it happened once but I told him that I don’t believe him cos if it happened once, then he should have told me….he tried to defend himself but I told him I don’t want to hear it. He complained that he is s3x starved, etc….that he misses me,etc..I asked him what about me? I also miss him and miss s3x too.

Since that time, I started feeling so suspicious of my husband. I mean, trust was broken. I read so many stories of men who travel abroad and marry white girls. leaving their wives back at home. I prayed for my husband that could will preserve him for me but deep in my heart, I was worried and still felt hurt over my husband’s infidelity. On valentine’s day this year, me and my colleagues in my department shared gifts with one another, which is normal, we even do that with some patients when we go to hospital.

Then one of our lecturers gifted everyone in the class chocolates.  So, after class one day, I greeted him on his way to the office…he was carrying some heavy files, so I offered to carry it for him. He smiled and said no but I insisted…so I followed him to his office with the files. As I was about to leave, he asked me to sit down, started asking me about myself. We gisted a little and then he thanked me again and I left.

About a week later, this lecturer sent someone to call me….when I came, he asked me how I was, gisted and everything…I was now conscious of the fact that he seemed to be getting interested in me…so I quickly told him I am married… he apologized and asked of my husband….I told him he is abroad….he looked at me and shook his head…he then asked how long….I oltd him almost two years…so he raised his eye brows and said….so you mean you havent had s3x in two years?

I was shy at his question and I said no sir…he laughed and said its ok. That its ok for married people to have a distraction when their partners are not around or have been gone for a long time. He said he knows my husband has someone that is keeping him so I should not feel bad to also get my own distraction. To cut the long story short, I gave this thinking a lot of thought and I did not discourage this lecturer anymore from making advances at me.

So we started having an affair. It seemed fair since I know my husband was having his own distraction over there abroad. Its been a relationship that has kept me sane, I never bother about what my husband is doing anymore, I have my own distraction. Until one day, someone sent me a video of me and the lecturer having s3x. It was obviously taped in one of the hotels we used to meet months ago. The blackmailer is asking for N2M or they release the s3x tape.

True Life Story: It Was Just A Little Distraction From My Marriage Problems But Someone Is Blackmailing Me

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I told my lover…he was very disturbed, he did not want this tape to leak cos it will damage his career…so he said that since he and I are in love, we should get married quickly……so, the has moved from just a distraction….he is divorced man with 3 teenagers…he has been single for four years and he says he wants us to get married, so we can ignore the blackmailer. My lover has been my rock for the past few months but as for marriage, I am not sure if that is a good idea cos, I am still married….he wants me to divorce my husband….on grounds of infidelity and irreconcilable differences.

The problem is, I still love my husband….yes, I am in love with the two men. How can I not be, my husband is my first love…I will always love him…he took my virginity….he is the father of my child…and how can I not love someone I have been emotionally involved with for almost six months? But am not sure is just love or just because we have connected emotionally through s3x. Secondly, if I divorce my husband, that means, my dream of going abroad will be gone…my lover has promised me that he will send me abroad too…he is a doctor and many doctors are relocating these days….he says we can relocate together when I finish my nursing school next year.

I am confused….please advise me…this marriage offer seems a good idea but it also feels like I am being pressured because there is a s3x tape involved. How do I chose what to do now? If I divorce my husband….marrying my lover in a hurry seems like I am under pressure….what if I regret it after?  The again, if that s3x tape comes out, my husband and his family, my family will not find it funny…my husband might even see a reason to end things with me…even though I still love him…what do I do about this s3x tape? Should I look for money to pay the blackmailer?

My mind has a small suspicion…its impossible but I have a small suspicion: what if it was my lover’s plan with the blackmailer to get me to leave my husband? Because, he used to say that he will take me from my husband sometimes after s3x….I used to think its just lovers talk but what if this his plan all along? Could it be? But he too is in the video…if the video leaks, he could be fired as a lecturer having s3x with his student. So maybe he is not involved.

Oh God…what do I do? Should I divorce my husband who I have not seen for over two years now or confess to him about the affair before the s3x tape is released? Maybe I can challenge him that he started cheating first….will he understand and forgive me? Maybe we can both forgive each other (afterall he forced me to cheat on him with his own cheating)…and fight this blackmailer together? Will it work? Will my husband react well? What should I do please? I am scared….I need your help.


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Retaliation isn’t the best revenge or payback method.

    You are a married woman. When you and your husband agreed that he should travel, you ought to understand that it wasn’t going to be easy and smooth.

    You are a sexual active woman and have sex needs. They should have been sorted with you and your husband on how you too will handle that area.

    Even if your husband cheated, it shouldn’t call for cheating and considering a mere pass someone passed on you. You sound like you don’t know that devil tempts one with what you desire so much. The lecturer knows your most important need is sex and there would be challenges and struggles over the subject between you too.

    The man knows about the sex video and he is using it to get you to divorce yourself. He is even giving you the reasons to present.

    First and foremost, your so-called lover should not know anything anymore about your marriage, conversation with husband and your true next line of action towards the case.

    Insist that he sorts the person out and don’t make your marriage end in that way with scandal.

    Until he sorts them, that’s when you will proceed with the divorce.

    While you are on it, ensure your phone isn’t bugged or block Jim access to it. Cut off the frequent meeting and stop sleeping with him. Use your son and the case as an excuse.

    Close your leg. If you didn’t get into trouble I’m sure you would have continued to have sex in the name of getting back at your husband.

    Whose body is been used? Yours!
    Whose face showed in the video? Yours!

    No matter what he says don’t contribute to sorting the blackmailer otherwise y will milk you dry till you destroy your marriage and yourself.

    Who would have had access to the hotel room to place a video or CCTV video? Except someone that knows you tipped the hotel to do so.

    You better reach the hotel management ( this will escalate issues) but it’s important you know you can’t trust your lover anymore.

    Back to you.

    You said you still love your husband.

    Did you consider that while sleeping with a man for over six months? You must learn self-control otherwise , you will be used further by your lover and loose focus.

    Stand and fight for your marriage.

    Get the man to discover the scammer and pay him and destroy the video.

    Get the man to stay away from you and focus on your studies.

    He won’t force marriage on you. If you feel pressured already, that’s what it is . You may not enjoy marriage with the man. Why did his wife leave him?

    Why come to a young girl like you to deceive?

    He wants a mother for his kids?

    Your marriage is redeemable. Telling your husband will do a lot of damage and you don’t have to blame him cos he will loose trust in you like you did. If he can take it, tell him and you both should hold one another accountable and sort your issue out. But, I don’t subscribe to it except you will get a counsellor involved in it.

    Focus on your studies. Get a counsellor to have sessions with you too. Find a way to spice up your marriage. Stop cheating.

    Saving your marriage shouldn’t be on the ground of achieving your abroad dream. That’s selfish.

    I wish you well.

  2. Use your head Mrs….your lecturer lover is the mind behind the sex video…do not accede to his demands. Take this as a lesson and open up to your husband.

    No rational thinking man will stay 2years without seeing his wife and will be contented.

    This is an opportunity to tell him the truth and so he can do the right thing. I feel for you, May God have mercy on you and help you do the right thing.

  3. Does it mean, if your husband didn’t promise you of traveling abroad ,you would have divorced him ? It’s travelling abroad the main reason you are still with your husband ? Like every here said ,the lecturer is behind the video.

  4. Hello ma sincerely i appreciate your posting this situation….fast forward please stop all communications and sex with the lecturer because he is the brain behind the video as to the husband please forgive yourself for loosing faith and forgive him too…..be strong for the family…..ask your husband how he is dealing with his urges and keep telling you both have to be strong for the marriage and children tell him u understand and will support and keep waiting no matter what……also pray and study the bible get active for Jesus he will sustain and support you. See that lecturer is an uninvited guest keep him out

  5. You may be tempted to just give the blackmailer what they want so they’ll go away. Unfortunately, that rarely works. Giving them money or doing special favors for them will only make them ask for more. Trust us, blackmailers will always come back for more if you pay up, so ignore their requests

  6. You said this “(afterall he forced me to cheat on him with his own cheating)’, no ma, your husband didnt force you to commit adultery, you did out of your choice, you committed adultery because you wanted to do it, your husband is NOT responsible for the adulteries you have been committing, you ONLY is responsible for the adulteries you have benn committing.

    You do not love your husband at all, its obvious, you are just in for the japa thing, now that you have cheated on your husband many times, I hope you are now fine? you and your “hater”, I call him hater, cos there is no love in adultery, you are a selfish person, you have no integrity.

    Its very worrisome, how people make light of adultery, how did we get here.

    I wish you well sister.

    • This is really a bad one, but don’t give in to the blackmailers, don’t confess to your husband either, go to God in prayers and let him alone fix this, that lecturer friend of yours asking you to divorce your husband and marry him has an interior motive,there is no genuine love there, don’t fall preys to his antics, he did not mean well for you at all.

  7. Well dear poster, this new relationship with your lecturer will most likely not end well, obviously the man wants to blackmail you to marrying him.

    Honestly staying abroad without one’s spouse is one of the hardest thing, cos their culture permit women going after men. For your husband to be communicating with you and encouraging you to study nursing means he values you and wants the best for you.

    The best you could have done was to forgive him for cheating rather than cheating, you guys could have discussed on handling your sexual needs.

    What love is actually: sacrifice, tolerance, forgiveness, selflessness, second chance and many more.

    My advice is end that adultery with that man, face your studies so you can achieve your long term goals…

    Now let’s pretend a moment; what if the blackmailer is not the lecturer, what are you planning to do?
    Will you give the person 2M? Or what if the person release the video?

    But if the hotel don’t have CCTV in their rooms, how was someone able to enter and place a camera ?

    God loves you, I see you and husband having a beautiful marriage. Really there are some exceptional cases to this abroad guys, they keep to their promise. But please expect some adultery from your man. The environment is totally different.


  8. Dear poster,you have to realize that this wasn’t a little distraction from your marriage problems.

    You went into this extra marital relationship or affair with your senses,you knew it was bad as a married woman,it doesn’t matter if your husband is cheating or not, you only had a dream and he confessed it to you,you never caught him red handed.

    Tell your husband about the affair and how that you have been blackmailed. Stop seeing that after 3 lecturer with 3 teenagers,don’t you dare marry him because you go explain tire without evidence,you go collect wotowoto for those children hand,dem go show you shege banza,you go know say kaki no be leather,you go know say marriage pass marriage. Then you will understand and realize you were enjoying while you were still with your husband.

    Be warned! Close your legs and take care of your child.

    Na because person dey blackmail you,that is why you dey find advice,if not you would have continued with your affair with the after 3 doctor and now you call it a little distraction abi


  9. Some women aren’t good with vengeance as they will go extend to gratify themselves on the basis of justifying the offender but in the long-run, series of regrets emanate on that single act. Your husband offended you though he couldn’t come plain to tell you but would have denied it when you ask him but he didn’t asking for your forgiveness. He doesn’t have a sex tape stirring on his face but you undermining the virtue of womanhood. Marrying your lover won’t solve the problem instead. Inform your husband about it and seek for his forgiveness whether he forgives you or not. End the relationship with your lover and wait for the aftermath of the blackmailer descretion on the sex tape. Accept it as your fate and don’t blame yourself for it. God bless you.

  10. The lecturer is behind the sex tape…Moreover, you have to repent from your adultery.. Don’t agree with your lecturer..

  11. Hmmmmmm

    It’s the blame game for me
    You cheated because you chose to and you pegged your reason on your husband’s infidelity just to give you a moral standing… But your choice was your choice and the consequences are yours too…

    The blackmailer could be another lover of your lecturer or his children or his wife or someone interested in you or another lecturer… You have brought yourself into a warfare you don’t know its scope…

    1. Don’t engage the blackmailer
    2. Stop your relationship with the lecturer
    3. Make sure you’re not pregnant from your adventures with Mr. Lecturer
    4. Focus on your studies and finish well
    5. Do not marry Mr. Lecturer for any reason… It will be a disaster.
    Probably it’s students like you getting into bed with him that led to his divorce
    6. If you want to travel, work on it yourself… stop depending on husband or lecturer because there’s comma with both and anything can spring up at anytime… So put in the work… You might even get scholarship… Stop riding on men’s back by offering your body… Your husband can still be your rock except you guys decide to divorce…
    7. If you feel up to it, tell your husband about your infidelity and the blackmail… That’s if and when you’re ready to deal with the consequences… The blackmailer might force you to tho if they leak the video… But don’t engage them with money nor reasoning… It might get dirtier…

    Sadly, your husband might know you’re cheating already, he just might not know how badly… Your attitude over the past 6months of infidelity might have given you away…

    Take it a step at a time tho… but don’t engage the blackmailer… break off with Mr. Lecturer and focus on finishing well.


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