Hello Lively Stones,
I need your advice. In 2019, I met Clem (not real name). We hit it off very well. The chemistry was great. I mean, I was over the moon thinking I had found my soul mate. The only thing was that, I had never been to his house. We net up in hotels. At first, he told me he was sharing an apartment with his friends and did not want to bring a lady to the apartment cos it was not really befitting.
However, after five months of dating, he told me he was married but he was getting a divorce. That he and his wife have been having issues for years. That the wife has moved out but he does not want to bring in any woman cos he still hoping he and his wife can reconcile. I was devastated. From what he told me, he still loved his wife but the wife moved out for almost one year.
This revelation broke me, I ended the relationship in tears. I cried for days. The following month, I missed my period and discovered I was pregnant for Clem. I arranged for an abortion and tried my best to move on from the hurt I was feeling at the time. I was in a dark place for so long after that, I started having trust issues in my next relationship. The relationship did not survive it.
Since then, I have decided not to be committed to any relationship that I am not 100% sure of the direction of the relationship. I started doing hook up…just to catch cruise. My mother has been very worried recently that I am not thinking of settling down but for me, I was still reeling from the heartbreak.
Last month, Clem chatted with me, I was surprised cos I thought I blocked him already. But he pleaded with me to allow him come over for a discussion. I refused but to my surprise, he showed up to my workplace and waited till work close to talk to me. I had to give him some respect. We went to a restaurant to talk. He told me he had finally gotten the divorce from his wife and he cant wait to be with me.
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It was like a heavy weight was lifted off my shoulder. I know divorce is a sad thing but I love Clem so much, it felt good to know he was free now, free to be with me. We eventually went to his place and spent the evening together . Clem pretended to be an up coming guy before but the real Clem is a millionaire. His home is big and beautiful….not that I am materialistic but I was pleasantly surprised that he was not a small boy like I thought.
At the weekend, we hit the club together and had mad fun. Unfortunately, we ran into one of the guys I hooked up with, the guy was drunk kinda…when he saw me, he started misbehaving, trying to come around me to talk dirty and Clem actually punched him. The guy called me ashawo, etc. I noticed that made Clem very quiet as we were going home. I had to tell Clem that I was in a dark place when we broke up, I did not mean to sleep around.
After a while, Clem said it was ok….that he understands, so he does not want to keep secrets anymore. That I should tell him if there is anything that happened when we broke up….I told him I aborted his pregnancy. Clem looked at me with disbelief….he kept asking me….are you serious? Are you kidding me? You killed my baby? Clem was so upset that I aborted the pregnancy without telling him. He said he needed time to think. I thought it was just an initial anger reaction cos I kept explaining to him that I did it cos I saw he was married….he kept saying its his baby too and I should have told him.
Clem said he was married for four years, his wife aborted their first baby because she said she was not ready during the first year of their marriage. The second and third pregnancies ended up in miscarriage…………they kept trying until the wife gave up trying and said she is not cut out for marriage and decided to end the marriage. Clem tried to persuade her but the wife started having an affair. Clem tried to reconcile with the wife for more than a year, to work on their marriage but it dawned on Clem that the wife did not really want the marriage and it was part of the reason his marriage did not work.
Clem cried and cried….said he needed space. That he does not know if this is a sign that our relationship will not work. That I aborted because he was married but I did not care about his feelings. He dropped me off at my place two weeks ago and has refused to take my calls or respond to my messages. I feel very sad…I have lost Clem a second time…I do not know what else to do….Clem is not ready to forgive me but I am loosing my mind over this. What can I do please? I went to his place but he told the security to tell me he travelled but I could see his cars in the compound.
I am loosing my mind….I was so happy Clem came back to me….now, I am struggling with loosing him again. My friends are blaming me for telling him about the abortion but I only wanted to be honest, I did not know it would trigger the pain he went through with his ex wife. My friend, Blessing tried to beg him for me, he told her that my action is something he is not sure he can ever forgive. Some people are saying I should give him time, that he will get over it…but you need to see the way he was reacting that day I told him about the abortion….he was shaking….his shoulders were literally heaving in rage….he was pained…..he was crying…what do I do to make this right….I need your advice.
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Just as in previous times. Let him heal and look for you
Keep apologizing ,you should have atleast informed him about the pregnancy rather than taking laws into your hands.
Keep begging him biko