All I Want Is Forgiveness But There Is No Hope For My Marriage -Pls Advise
Good Afternoon
I have a very important matter to share please. My marriage is about to end…I regret it but it seems there is nothing that can be done. This is my last effort to save this marriage. I decided to post here because I know my wife reads your stories I forward to her from the blog.
I have a female friend who got married many years before I did. Before she got married, we were just friends and I was sincerely happy for her when she got married. But she married a goat. The man was a cheat and a wife beater. My friend suffered in her marriage even though she gave the man four boys.
Being friends with her, I was always counselling her, encouraging her…I even tried to settle some of their quarrels. I got married and my wife came to know about this situation and she used to even feel sorry for her too.
Eventually this lady and her husband divorced after seven years of marriage. She had no place to go to and my wife agreed that she could stay with us. We had a BQ and she moved in there. Her children and our children played together. We were like one big family.
But one day, I made a terrible mistake. I was down with malaria and was at home. Everyone had gone to work and school. This lady came to my room and seduced me. To be honest, I do not know why I could not resist but I cheated on my wife with this lady.
We started sneaking behind my wife and having an affair for almost four months. And then she got pregnant. That was when the scales fell off. I knew I had gone too far and I was not ready to destroy my marriage. I asked her to abort it and she agreed cos she did not want to betray my wife who treats her like a sister.
We agreed that she should move out too cos the affair was too close to home. I got her a self contain and she moved out with her children. My wife was arguing that there was no need for her to get her own place but I insisted. My wife is a good woman…I don’t know how many women will be so unsuspecting.
Being away from our house gave us room to mess around more. I tried to stay away from her but in a few months, we resumed our affair…unfortunately, we were careless. Another pregnancy happened. She was scared of doing a second abortion so I told her I would have nothing to do with her if she keeps the pregnancy. She was supposed to be using contraception but she was careless.
We started having issues ,arguing about the pregnancy. I angrily tried to drug her…so the baby can be flushed…she thought I wanted to kill her so she in anger told my wife. I thought my marriage was over. My wife felt so betrayed. She would not speak to me for months. I begged her and her family…I did not want her to leave me.
God had mercy on me somehow and the lady lost the baby. My wife still has not forgiven me. Its been over two years. Even though my wife has not moved out…she has never forgiven me. We are like strangers in the house. She said she is staying because of the children.
I have asked God and our families for forgiveness. But my wife still refuses to forgive me. The marriage is no longer the same. I don’t sleep with her and she does not let me touch her. I forced myself on her one time cos it was too unbearable….but she hates me so much that she bite me and warned me never to touch her again.
I have asked her what she wants me to do…cos if we are not meeting physically, she is pushing me to go and cheat again. She does not care. She said I can do what I like. That made me realize she no longer loves me. I think its best we both go our separate ways. I asked her if that is what she wants…she says no but if I want it…she is ok with it…
So, that is how I come to the conclusion that the marriage is over. Its two years now.I have begged and begged…what else should I do? If divorce is not the way out…what else should I do? How long should I wait? I am constantly fighting/resisting the temptation to cheat but my wife does not want me anymore
What do I do then?
Anonymous
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I think you need a totally independent person to intervene in this matter. Maybe a counsellor that is sound spiritually too. You wife is dealing with a lot of emotional bottle up, resentment, and unforgiveness, which is not good for her psychologically and health wise. She needs help that you her husband can provide because you hurt her deeply.
Thank God you reached out to Lively Stones. Here you can be helped on how to get a therapist for your wife.
In the meantime, show your wife so much love that she can’t resist. Be the super most loving and caring father. Treat your children well, take them out, help them with their assignments, make out time to go to their schools for visiting. The best way to reach your wife is through your children. Love conquers all things.
Pray with your family ( if your wife doesn’t join leave her). Be the best of yourself.
Forget about cheating on your wife, rather focus on family building.
Dear poster sir,you need to be patient with your wife because it is not easy to forgive such a big betrayal,she might be traumatized sef knowing you betrayed her with someone close someone she treated like a sister and trusting you again will be difficult,what you need to do is to build that trust again and give her time to completely heal up and try to get a therapist to help you both,don’t give up on the marriage yet and God will see you both through
There’s still hope….since she doesn’t want to leave you, don’t make the decision to further destroy your home…….you made a mistake try to fix it……
You wife is hurt and there is no denial about that but if she is reading this she needs to forgive. Both of you need to go back to God together. Ask him for mercy over your home. Pray with your children, come home early and show are that you really care and you’re really repentant. God will uphold your home in Jesus name amen
Sir you wrong your wife so deeply and made a fool of so be patient with her. That she is yet to forgive you shows you hurt her deeply. Show her that you have truly repented, show her you care, woo her all over again. Seek the help of a higher authority, someone she holds in high esteem to intervene. But like I said don’t be too pushy. Give her time…… Also pray to God daily to touch her heart cos only Him can soften her heart to accept your apologies. Wishing you God’s best. This too shall pass.
The marriage is over file for a divorce and move on with your life. Unfortunately your family can never be the same again.
divorce her, she can never forgive you. she may say it with her lips but inside her, she is still angry