True Life Story: Why I Am Having Doubts About My New Boyfriend
Hi Lively Stones,
My name is Beauty (not real name). My last relationship before this one lasted for four years. I thought he was the love of my life. I gave him my undivided attention, my love, my everything. At some point, we were acting like married couple as I moved in with him. By the fourth year, I became worried cos he was not saying anything about marriage. I kept asking him and he would ignore me or pick a fight, ignore me until I apologize.
So, I took one of my friend’s advise, to separate from him, and tell him to give us space to figure out what we want. Do you know that within one month of our separation, he started seeing someone else. It opened my eyes to see that he was not ever really going to marry me. So, the separation turned to full break up and I was heartbroken for almost a year. This guy got married to the chick her met under 3 months.
That breakup has affected my trust issues. I find it hard to now trust any guy I date. I met this guy that I am dating now, last November and he has been sweet to me but I am on a strictly no S** before marriage. At first, my new guy agreed but as time went on, he confessed that he cannot hold himself cos before me, he was S**ually active. I told him I will not bend my rules because of him and so I told him, maybe we should go our separate ways.
This guy then said, he loves me so much and that he has envisioned spending the rest of his life with me. That he will do everything he can to win me but if I refuse S**, that can I give him permission to go for commercial S** workers? At least, its not cheating with someone he wants to date but just transactional S**. I was shocked, I told him no….that I can never date someone who sleeps with prostitutes.
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This guy then tells me that he will do whatever it takes so he will be faithful but that he will need prayers. From then, he will be making me feel bad for saying no S**. Sometimes, he will tell me that he has become addicted to masturbation cos of my refusing him S**. I try to pet him and tell him to be patient. Last month, this guy proposed to me. I was shocked cos we only started dating in November but I said yes cos I love him alot.
After the engagement, I noticed he became more forceful in trying to get me to have S** with him…always saying, what is the big deal, that has he not proved that we are getting married after all? Eventually, I caved in and almost allowed him to sleep with me two weeks ago. That was when I got the shocker of my life. After all the boasting, I expected something memorable from him as our first time but before I knew what was going on, this guy had finished under 2 minutes.
To say I was disappointed was an understatement. Yet, he went about hailing himself for a job well done. Now, that we had S**, and I know how weak his game is, I suddenly started loosing interest in him. I do not know why I think like that but I am thinking we may not be S**ually compatible cos this happened again a few days ago and I wonder if God allowed me to have S** with this guy before marriage, so I will not be disappointed later on in marriage.
How do I go about this matter, I feel like I am not being true to him or myself anymore? Should I tell him how I feel or perhaps, its a temporary thing, I know this may be as a result of maybe stress or infection or side effect of masturbation. whatever the reason, I am worried….should I discuss with him or just use that as an excuse to just end the relationship?
I am not trying to be Miss perfect but I am not a prude either…..the truth is, I endured one bad relationship, I don’t want to be managing another one. I know there is no perfect guy out there …maybe if we talk about it, he can get medical advise but I also feel he might take it the wrong way and think I am mocking him? I just wish we didn’t….
Maybe God is even punishing me for breaking my vow to remain chaste until marriage….I am confused on what to do.
Anonymous
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He needs to know about his S.e.xual ability,this problem might be as a result of masturbation.
He needs to be checked medically,he can see an urologist.
If you love him,you have to ensure this issue is sorted out before marriage,you said he already proposed. With your exposure in terms of S.e.x,there is no way you would cope with him in marriage. It is either you stay with him to find a permanent solution or you walk away.
Peace
1.you can’t give a guy all the benefit of marrying u and still expect that the man would even peradventure think of marrying u , he has seen everything so then comes the question ,why would he still wants to marry u ,this was probably ur last mistake in ur former relationship ,u gave him all the priviledges of being married to him ,and then he concluded there was no need putting a ring on ur fingers
2. yes u guys are incompatible S.e.xual wise ,I do not really blame u for already having fault with ur new man , because ur S.e.xual experience with ur former lovers is already making u see the disadvantage of having a two minutes man ,maybe just maybe u didn’t have any S.e.xual partner before him u might not be complaining
3.yes u shouldn’t take the risk ,or better still learn to accept him like that ,if u had marry him and realized this what would u have done ?
4. on the other hand if u can’t endure him I would advice ,u be realistic with ur self and end the relationship , because u might be setting ur self for unhappiness if u do go with the man , because he can’t satisfy u
if u go with the man then u must accept him for his discrepancy or u must choose to save urself from the impending danger ahead by ending it .
The day you all start doing what is right and not waht you like, the better.
I wish you well.