How Painful Intercourse Is Gradually Tearing Our Marriage Apart-Pls Advise
I got married four years ago after a long distance relationship. We saw each other like once every 3 or 4 months during the dating and courtship period. Well, because of our faith, we did not engage in s*x before marriage. We had engaged in heavy making out but never for to real s*x.
Our s*x life has been great…I mean, we have the intensive foreplay and making out…I was so happy that my man knows how to give foreplay and explore…I was so excited…I loved making love to my husband. I loved to please him and he loved to please me too.
Fast forward to three years later and after two children. Our lives have taken a slightly different turn. I mean with raising two small children and career and finances…I struggled to keep up with our s*x routine. I also had to be very careful cos the space between our first and second child is one year…
I do not want another baby so soon and my husband and I do not really like condoms or any of these contraceptives cos they have side effects on me…and condoms don’t make for pleasure in s*x…its just not the same.
When my second baby was around 6 months old, I started noticing that my husband was behaving weird during s*x. As usual, we engaged in alot of foreplay and making out…but I .I got a very rude shock recently. I noticed he was wincing in pain. At first, I thought it was pleasure…maybe he was enjoying himself too much like me…but in less than 2 minutes of penetration, he came out shouting in pain…like ahhhhh ohhhhhhhhhhh and he held himself like he was in so much pain…
I became alarmed. I rushed to ask him what the problem was…he was like he does not know…he was alarmed as me too. I told him to go see a doctor but he said no need. We will try again. Maybe it was the stress from work or maybe he over worked himself.
I let him be…for like two weeks, there was no s*x cos I wanted him to rest and maybe feel better. After that long, I was really very horny. I had to make a move…he gave me alot of foreplay…went down on me..I did same for him and for the first time since being married…he asked me to swallow…I never did that before but I did…just to make him happy…
Soon as I did…he came and that was it…I was like…what about me…he said he was still in pain and so he cannot penetrate. I felt so frustrated…I almost cried …but he was petting me and I let him be. A few days later…he initiated s*x and the same thing happened and he did not penetrate.
I then got really fed up and told him to either go to the hospital and get treated or no more for me…he then went to the hospital…they gave him alot of drugs ….antibiotics…for a whole month….he took them….we tried to penetrate and he was in pain again…I became very worried.
The next time I followed him to the hospital…and the doctor ran many tests…later he said my husband needs to tell me something. My husband told me that they had diagnosed him with an infection that they have been trying to treat with the drugs…and that the result of the infection is hypersensitivity of his p*nis…
The doctor then explained that only drugs can be used as long as he is experiencing hypersensitivity otherwise forcing penetration could lead to impotence after a while. Its been a year since that happened…I have not had penetrative s*x for a whole year. I hide and cry sometimes…but I don’t show him cos I think he also feels bad…
In the process…he got me a dildo…we experiment and do other things to pleasure ourselves but its not the same…my problem now is, with him not being able to penetrate….he prefers to come in my mouth…ma…like I said…I do not like it…I feel its messy and not hygenic.
To him, its the same as it coming inside my vagina…he is not happy that I am not allowing him come inside my mouth…a few times I agreed…I spat it out and that made him infuriated…he said I am rejecting him cos he has a problem…
Ma, how else do I explain to him that I just don’t like swallowing semen? To him, its the same thing as coming inside my vagina. Its not to me…he makes me watch porn where ladies do that and still…I cannot swallow it…he is taking it badly and said…if I will keep rejecting him…then he will not touch me again.
I am upset cos he is not thinking of the fact that I am not getting normal s*x and he is insisting on oral and that must swallow …since December 31st last year…he has not touched me…I too have decided to stay on my own. He tried on new year day to make up with me and do the same thing, I refused and he got very upset and threatened to go outside and cheat on me.
I thought him to do as he likes…and I do as I like…he says I am telling him that I too will cheat right…I kept quiet…he got so mad that he moved out of our bedroom. He hardly speaks to me…he comes home very late and he reeks of alcohol when he comes home…
I suspect he is even seeing someone cos I know how much my husband loves intimacy….he said it in anger once…that what I refuse to give to him…he can get any woman to give it to him…I feel so bad and I want to beg him to stop all these rubbish and let us make up but I don’t think I can do what he wants me to…how do I convince him?
Sometimes I want to even question him…like how did he even get this infection….did he cheat before and got the infection? The doctor said it could be s*xually transmitted or a bacteria infection….so I don’t truly know…what if he even got it outside….though her has never given me reason to doubt him until now…I am so frustrated…I wish things can go back to the way it was before…
How do we even get back to our normal s*x life…its been a year…the doctor says he has to continue treatment until he can no longer feel the pain….that we should explore other means of pleasure…other ways of s*x without penetration and its been hard for me…but I am hopeful that this will pass but swallowing cum in the meantime is not going to work…this new one is not helping either one of us…its gradually tearing us apart…
Please advise me…
Anonymous
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Sister I think your marriage is worth fighting for, if he has someone he listens to please let that person know so he can talk to him,or your pastor…..pray for restoration,if you feel his cheating ,observe more and be sure ….if so then you have a decision only you can make ….before you end up with a diseases or a virus …your life matters most …..make your findings and act on it.
Swallowing your husband’s cum knowing fully well that he has an infection that could be S.e.xually transmitted or caused by virus, what if the cum has been infected which I am sure it has been infected, it then invariably means that you must have contracted the same infection too all in the name of pleasing your husband. Pls I would advice you get yourself checked too.
I feel he’s being selfish and not thinking of how you feel….he should even try to meet you halfway at least.
Try to find out if he has finished treatment for the infection he talked about(I wonder what infection he could be treating for over a year)..by now he has just gotten used to this current style and doesn’t want the old one.
You husband has low self esteem problems chiefly because of his issues but you must make him understand that you are also compromising here. He doesn’t have the right to threatened you. His many woman out there can endure what you are enduring.
You need to call his family/ someone he respects to intervene. So they can talk sense into his head. You may also need to tell the doctor the situation of things so he can give you medical advise.
Insist on your right to not swallow his cum.
Does he know the kind of disease he will contract out there, especially with covid on the rampage.
Pray for Gods protect and do your best to address this issue now!!!