My Boyfriend’s Family Is Trying To Manipulate Our Relationship-Pls Advise
Hello ma,
Please post and hide my name. My name is Rita (not real name). I am 39 years old. I am single and doing very well for myself. As you can imagine, husband matter has been an issue since I clocked 30 years. I have dated, I have been engaged…and disappointed . I have not been fortunate…lets just summarize it like that…
So,my girlfriend introduced me to someone who has been doing their laundry since my own laundry guy decided to steal from me. So, this new Laundry guy shows up at my door, fine looking tall guy…I was like wow…but he was so polite and professional. He took the laundry…and told me when he would return them.
When he returned them days later,he waited patiently as I tried to transfer the payment to him. After I paid him, he said thank you. And then asked me to forgive him for asking: he asked if I was single…I said yes…he smiled and that was how the flirting started.
I think my friend may have even set this laundry guy situation. By the end of the month, I was smitten…and he too was into me. He held my hand one day and kissed my hands…I did not wash it off for hours…lol. Frank, my laundry man and I started dating.
It was odd at first cos of the different social status but Frank did not care about my wealth and I did not care if he was poor or not. We both were in love. And we made each other happy and laugh…He met my family and i met his like months later.
Now, the issue is Frank’s family. Nothing too dramatic about them but they realized that I was well to do, became very attached to me. They would visit and call and say nice things like our wife, etc…and next thing, it will be story story…em…hmm…things are hard o….ah…I borrowed money…I have not paid…story upon story.
They been milking me and initially, I did not mind but it seems like they liked me as long as I was financing their pity party stories. I spoke to Frank about it and he was like, no one is forcing me to give but I noticed once I refused to heed to anyone of their demands…they tell Frank and he starts giving me attitude.
Frank defends his family too much. He turns it into emotional blackmail. Like he is the first son and he knows he is failing in his responsibilities as a first son and he knows one day, his dry cleaning business will take off and make him enough money to take care of his family.
Frank’s laundry business is on a small scale…he has only one worker who he can barely pay a salary. I have tried to support him the best I can…but its not feeling like a balanced relationship. I mean, I am a grown woman…so I don’t need a man to spend on me but that I will inherit his family problem is not what I bargained for.
Last Christmas…I bought a bag of rice, ground nut oil, goat for his family. Frank got my family a cartoon of wine. I had to lie and give my dad 100k and say its from Frank. Its ok. What caused the problem is that Frank got to know I gave his dad 100k and he told his mother. His mother then asked me what of her own?
Can you imagine? I laughed and said but ma…is it not Frank that should actually be doing what I am doing for him and his family? She got angry and said I am too money conscious. …that I should know that if I want to marry her son…that we must treat our money as one…that things can change for her son tomorrow and he becomes rich…and all his money will be mine and all my money will be his.
I know what she says makes sense but right now, I feel they just want to be eating off me. I smiled and tried not to think too much about it. So, last week…Frank’s sister asked me for 50k to pay her children’s school fees as their school gave them ultimatum. I told her I did not have. As usual, she told Frank and he started being cold to me.
When I asked him what I did wrong …he says…50k is nothing to you…why are you this selfish….I did not like that statement and since that last week…I have not spoken to Frank and he has not called me. I told my friend who introduced us and she said I should try and make up with Frank…I sent him an sms to say I am sorry even though I don’t know what I have done wrong.
Frank responded by saying : I miss you…ma, I wont lie….Frank is a good man. He talks marriage talks with me…he cares for me….in fact…we have started buying things for marriage introduction sometime before Easter this year…but his family is a vulture to me. I spend too much on them and they never get satisfied. Even though I want to make up and go back to Frank…I just do not know how long I can continue to stand his family. I had to forcefully send the 50k to the sister.
Yes,50k is not a big deal to me but they will not stop at that…am sure soon someone else will soon call me for something and when I say no….Frank takes their side. How do I deal with this?
Please advise me…abi I should waka…and leave Frank and them alone….I am 39…its not everyday you find a husband at my age…what am I missing here…am I being too materialistic? Maybe its not big deal to some people but my family did not raise me to be successful to take care of a man and his family…am I being too paranoid….I don’t want to loose a good man over this but hey….please advise me lively stones family.
Anonymous
Photo Credit:Adaa
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Madam! Madam! Madam! Run for your life, the frank and his family are devourers, forget the rubbish, the mother is spitting out, if it where the other way round, she won’t say that trust me, if you continue you will just end up bankrupt, you can keep giving to his family to maintain your relationship…. No way! And if he doesn’t like it let him go, don’t start what you cant finish oh pls…..
Pls listen to me, dont mind your age, being single in peace is better than a wrong marriage oh, you will suddenly wish you were single again…. Madam leave that guy, or stop taking up his family responsibility now before making any more commitment to him and see how the relationship goes, they didn’t help make your money, that you are dating their frank doesnt make them entitled to it….. Give when you feel like it not out of pressure…
The truth is the guy is using her age to exploit her . She needs to use the break up to repair his thinking. She needs to be bold enough to undermine her age and see the threat the family is causing or will cause further in the marriage.. they’re not match.. she has to see it that way.. the guy can step up if he wants to let him stay away from her money.. no woman respect you for too long if you depends on her financially.. it’s ordained by creation that women receives.. she cannot give you the price of her body in suffering of menstruation and child birth and still holds you financially.. it’s a misplacement of manhood and spiritual headship from the man.. he’s too dull to see it that way.. he needs to step up.. when will he ask for a better business mind set and get empowered to feed her or spoil her?? She just have to keep faith with God.. her type and class of man will come by ✌️
You have to call Frank to order and make him understand that you are not a bank where they only withdraw. They are just taking advantage of you because they know you are advanced in age and probably older than their son. If he doesn’t listen and be a man,I mean a matured man,and stop acting like a kid by giving you attitude, then forget him. Age is just a number,relax and your own man will come. If you don’t stop this bullshit now and you eventually marry him,they will so frustrate you. You better think twice,just imagine the sister asking you to give her school fees,what nonsense? Don’t allow that family drain and wreck you oooo all in the name of marriage. I come in peace ,udo!
Talk to Frank and watch him change and if he doesn’t stop being sentimental about his family..walk away if not the next thing you will hear is that their brother saved you by marrying you..
It’s very wrong for them to be doing what they are doing right now.. please who does that and the fact fact that they are shameless gives me concern.. they could not even pretend about it.
Then you talk about it he starts making face..babes these are red flags oo.. please don’t start what you cannot finish and nobody says your time is past.God has you in mind don’t rush into what you will regret all your life.
You will make a very big mistake by marry him becuse you can change friends but never can you change family your frank can never change his family and he has made that clear to you even if he promise to change he can talk to his family now but the future still remain intact that you will regret it becuse they will still hold your neck frank saw a big fish thou he might be calm but his family see a bigger fisha bank that they can give all there need to and get it down they wont kind to ruin you and at the end say you do nothing ..yeah I know you are old but flee although if u feel u are ready to shoulder his issue and his families without been weak u can go on but seriouly this guy Is using u you just dont know
Pls just let go of him becos there’s no love there he and his family are just milking you age are num God will bring ur own man for u just be prayerful
I hope you read my comment. Coz my story is your opposite. Hoping you learn and make your decision from mine.
In 2003 I graduated from the University of Abuja Nigeria.
I am married a bread winner (an Edo guy) , his family despise me with so much passion and curses me out even in public places. (prostitution, goat etc)His mom was not an exception. They threatened me and crashed my wedding due to food and drinks because the so called in-laws believed that their son financed the whole party coz I had no job.
They literally ceased whatever I was wearing coz they said it’s their brothers money.
I had 2 kids then and my sister in law told me to stop having kids coz the burden was too much on their brother. Of course I had no job.
Things became unbearable coz my supposed hubby will beat me up and inform his family, they will all laugh and insult me.
GOD in HIS infinite mercy knew I was in a huge mess and used my mom to safe my life and that of my kids.
We left the country, I got a job and was making 10 times more than their bread winner and the whole family came back begging and tagging me their best wife.
Just as frank and his family are demanding, so are my so called in-laws.
I know they are after the money coz the table has turned.
Selfish and senseless in-laws will never stop requesting.
Congrats you survived their frustration.
My dear, pls run, run as fast as ur legs can take you. That Frank’s family doesn’t mean well for u. Come to think of it, you gave your father a 100k just to cover his ass and his mother had d guts to ask u for her own, instead of her to be thanking you for covering her son’s ass, she was even saying if her son should make it that his money too will be yours, what nonsense, what if he doesn’t make it (not praying for that sha), but wat if…. My dear you have to be brave, forget your age, what will not work for is not meant for you. Look at the bigger picture, in Nigeria here, when you marry, u are marrying d whole family not just your partner. Think, when is he going to make it for them to stop milking you dry..think. You even gave the sister 50k for her children’s school fees, come, shey her children no get father??? See ehn, wat I am trying to say in a nutshell is, do not make the mistake of marrying that man else you will go bankrupt…think with your brain and not your heart….. peace
My sister…run as fast as you can because you are definitely their money-making machine. And Frank is not helping matters.. your man will surely come around.. please and please..be patient.
Please listen very carefully.The problem is not that they are poor but they lack financial discipline and intelligence. I am not sure you cope on the long run. Your fiance does not look matured enough to handle them. If you can control your fear over getting another man, I will advise you to quit. Every indicator points to the fact that they will financially bleed you and eventually abandon you.
Well this story is a complicated one. But my contribution is that if she is truly in love and she is sure that Frank is not loving her because of her money, she should set up a better business for him and from that business he can be taking care of his family instead of them having to make her feel like a money making machine. Once she gets married to him, they will ask for more money than they do now. So instead of spending on his family, she should use that money to establish him let him begin to live up his responsibilities to his family as a man.
My sister. This is just the beginning, marriage will be worse. They will invade your home and privacy. They will so frustrate you till you can’t cope.
This people have seen Maga, ATM in you. They are the people in this life that feel entitled. No matter how much you give them, they will still come back, they are Oliver twist.
For the sake of your sanity. Tell Frank to give you a break. He should go and sort his family problems.
And in your next relationship, choose right. Don’t look for a boy like Frank that has no control over his relatives.
Hear me and hear me well please.
F is for Forget Frank.
He comes with the package ( His family).
He has not shown any restraint over their demands.
If you continue, Frank and His family will hurt you.
It is better to be single than endure what will come if you marry Him. Everything you are seeing now is just a tip of the iceberg, there is much worse to come if you allow it.
God will provide you a husband that will not be a constant drain on you in anyway and replenish you , Amen.
Take everything you have given as a seed, forget it, forget Frank , look positive into the future for something better.
Sister run as fast as your legs can carry you. They saw ATM in you and they will not rest till you outlive your usefulness, then they will start fighting you. Don’t even think of marrying that boy called Frank. 39 is just a number your man will definitely come around just give it a little time.
I have just one word for you, which is RUN