My Village People Are After My Marriage & My Life-Please Advice
I am in trouble. Real big trouble and I need your help about this. I am a newly married woman. I got married Last year December. Maybe I made a mistake in insisting that my husband must marry me when I got pregnant for him last September. At the time, I was in a relationship but we were having issues.
We were both from broken homes and anytime we had issues, we will be verbally abusing each other but we loved each other so much. My mother and I are even estranged cos she too was abusive to me. So, my another man came and was trying to show me a better way, I was blown away by his treatment of me, he treated me with so much respect..
I found out I was pregnant after only 4 months of dating …I left the other guy and forced this man to marry me. He actually told me that it would be better if we waited until after the baby is born before we marry. I insisted cos I just wanted to have him for myself cos no one ever treated me this good.
Unknowingly, even though he was a good man when I married him, I was not good for him. After the marriage, my bad habits kept showing up even though my husband treated me the nicest any man can treat a woman. I cursed him when I did not understand certain things. I accused him of cheating when he came home late at any time.
Sincerely, my village people do not want me to be happy cos all the bad things I was doing to this man, I never realized it until now. Even when my baby was born, I continued being a bad wife. I would not cook, I yelled at him, I drove away his family members. I got angry one day and spent all the money in the account that he gave me the ATM card for.
Like I said, I now realized that it was because I grew up living with parents who were divorced and always bitter about each other, I learned very bad habits. I felt like I needed to abuse anyone that I did not feel ok with. I had serious trust issues and I have a very bad temper. In all, my husband was still good to me.
Until last week. I started the fight. It was about him giving me money to get a new hair and he said he does not have the money yet. I insulted him and told him he was not man enough…to the point that I told him he was not good in bed…I said that just to spite him and he looked at me with so much pain and told me to go and look for someone better than him in bed.
Instead of me to calm down, I called my ex…told him I wanted to see him…that it was urgent…that is how I met him in a hotel room I booked and soon as he saw me, he knew my crazy ass was at it again…he laughed wickedly and told me I can never be a married woman cos nobody will marry my crazy self. I told him to shut up and f*ck me and he did not need a second reminder. I spent the entire day with my ex in bed, smoking and drinking and f*cking.
Towards the evening, my eyes became clear. My nanny had been calling me but I did not pick up. My husband called me and asked where I was. I stupidly called him on video to show him I was with my ex…naked…he cut the call. When I managed to get myself to go home that night, I was drunk as hell.
On getting home, my husband had packed my things and kept them in the security house and told the security man to throw them away as soon as I showed up. The security man did just that. I was ranting like a mad woman until like 2am…when my husband did not show up…I started crying and begging him.
I have been begging him since that night. I have begged all his family that I turned away to help me beg him but they all do not have pity for me. I am lost cos I have no where to go to. I went back to a hotel and have been there since. I have no money anymore to pay hotel bill. I begged my husband even knelt down on the street as his car drove away everyday in the estate but he told the estate security not to allow me anymore.
I am finished. I called and begged my friend to allow me stay with her but she said she could only allow me one week because her husband would not allow it after learning what I did to my husband…I know I am crazy. I now know I am cursed. But I am begging my husband in the name of God to please forgive me.
My reason for posting this here is because I want him to know that I am ready to do whatever it takes to redeem myself…I have confessed my sins to to him and the whole world. Yes, I humilated my husband…I know I do not deserve him but I am pleading to everyone…please help me beg my husband….please give me another chance…please please…please I need help to manage my anger and abusive nature…please advice me what to do and how to win my husband back.
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