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True Life Story: Help-I Need A Good Lie To Explain Why I Have Been Avoiding S3x With My Wife


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True Life Story: Help-I Need A Good Lie To Explain Why I Have Been Avoiding S3x With My Wife

Hi Lively Stones,

Just had a big fight with my wife of 9 years. This is the worst fight of our entire marriage and its all my fault. I don’t know how to make things right. I need your help and guidance. My wife and I had some challenges early in our marriage. She is a career woman and I admire her hustle but back when our children were very small, she devoted her time alot to work such that our kids were always being cared for by nannies and house maids. We didn’t have family members who could help us because my wife’s family are from Togo, very far from us while I am the last born, all my siblings are older than me, they have their own family and our parents are late.

I f*cked up during those times, I thought I was making a good excuse that my wife was abandoning her husband by sleeping with the maids. But eventually when my wife found out, it broke us up. Our marriage was over. My wife left our home for four months. It took the intervention of many friends and mentors and of course, 2 months of therapy for our marriage to come back after everything. Since then, I have never stepped outside of our marriage.

One of the reasons I never made that mistake of cheating again on my wife is because I found out that it took years for her to trust me again. Its not been easy because sometimes, she still suspects me when I close to a female that she does not know. We celebrated our 8th year wedding anniversary last year….and I think she finally relaxed all her fears of my commitment to the marriage. But alas, something terrible happened in the month of July.

I was on a business trip to South Africa for a business deal I have been chasing for 18 months. I met with the Chairman of the company in his company retreat in Johannesburg. After the meetings in the morning, this man would insist we party at his crib where there alot of girls and s3x and drinking going on. I politely refused all the girls her offered me but he said he cannot go into a multi dollar business with a man who is afraid to takes risk in life. All my explanation that I am faithfully married fell on deaf ears.

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Eventually, I thought, well, my wife will never know cos this is in another country. We had s3x with different girls. I was in SA for two weeks. I got the business and returned home. But even on my fight back home, I started having irritation and itching in my private parts. I got home and tried to take antibiotics but they didn’t work. Meanwhile, I was suspecting I caught an STD, so I turned down s3x from my wife the day I returned. I wanted to treat myself first cos I was not sure what it was. I did not want her to catch any disease.

I lied to my wife that I was tired….even tow days after….I just fingered her and used gave her oral cos I was not ready for penetration. By the second day, I was itching so much, the area was very red. I had to go to the hospital for test. I was praying it was not HIV. When the test came out, it was gonorrhea. I was devastated. I was placed on heavy drugs and injections. Thankfully, I had not had s3x with my wife, so there was no need for her to be tested too. But since I started taking the treatment, I have had serious problems.

First, I find it hard to have an erection…so even if my wife wants to play with my thing, it does not get up. The doctor says its the effects of the drugs I am taking cos they are steroids. Its been about six weeks now that I have been treating myself and dodging s3x from my wife….all in the name of I am busy at work, I am tired…I am under stress….etc. When I say that, my wife understands cos I can also make sure she has orgasm with my fingers.

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But two days ago, my wife got very suspicious. She said I have changed since my trip from SA…that she knows me very well, that no amount of stress can make me not want sex. So she wants to know what happened. I was almost breaking down and crying but I told her that its stress that is making me loose interest in s3x….she demanded that I fck her or she will force herself to go out and meet a man to fck her. I refused…tried again to distract her with oral but she refused….she started tugging at my manhood…trying to arouse me.

Thank God the rashes were gone so she would not notice I had an infection but the more she tried, the more I could not get an erection.  She felt frustrated and eventually left it. The next day, she went and got some tiger nut drinks with ginger and garlic. This mixture usually makes me quite hard. She gave it to me for dinner last night. I was happy hoping my baba would react. But it did not…we tried all the known tricks in the s3x book but nothing happened.

My wife slept off crying. I was crying too deep in my heart. Around 4.30am this morning. My wife turned to me and said if I don’t tell her what happened to me, that she will leave our house. I told her nothing happened that she should try and be patient, that I believe things will get better. My wife got so upset that she started fighting me….ol boy…a s3x starved wife can be wild. I was confused ,…didn’t know what to do so I told her that she no longer turns me on. That her s3x game was wack.

I swear, I don’t know what made me say such a rubbish thing but my wife went wild and said…you too, you think you are great in bed when you are just a 7mins man. Mahn…we started insulting each other, my ego was so bruised …shocked at my wife saying my game was not good. I said all that to get her off my back but she was fuming so much that she got up and left to sleep in the guest room. She has been in the room all morning. When she came out, she just made breakfast for the children and went back to the guest room again, locked it.

Guys…my wife is hurting…I never seen her this mad. I am also upset …its like I am loosing control of my mind….I want to tell my wife what the real problem is but if I tell her….I know she will leave me and I can’t let her leave me. I don’t know what to do. I thought of talking to the therapist that helped us years ago but the therapist has become like a family friend to us now, I cannot face her to say I f*cked multiple girls and I got infected with gonorrhea….she will not look at me the same way again.

From what my doctor said, the effect of the treatment for my STD will last from between 3 to 6months. Guys….I can’t go on pretending to my wife. She is now suspecting ….I need to think of a better excuse to give her…cos telling her that her s3x game is wack is not working out well. Maybe I should travel again….and come back when am ok….my wife will feel so bad…but I need a new and better strategy…cos telling her the truth is simply the worst mistake I will ever make in my life.

Someone said there are African herbs one can take to treat this STD quickly, can anyone pls recommend one for me….will it work well since I am already on drugs? I need your help.



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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Dear poster,you have really disappointed yourself,your wife and family. Why go back to what you already left all because of a multi dollar business deal?

    Hope you are enjoying the multi dollar business deal in good health now? Health is wealth! Why didn’t you just stick to your own business rather than travel to SA to sleep with random girls you don’t even know or know their sex history.

    You want what happened in your marriage earlier to repeat itself again,it just shows you haven’t repented from cheating.

    How about the business deal? Hope you have told the chairman what you’re going through now? Hope you have bought many properties with the proceed from the business?

    Telling your wife the truth will scatter and put your marriage in danger,you better travel for another business deal to heal since your doctor said it will take 3-6 months for you to be okay.

    You can be traveling and coming back home till you’re perfectly healed,don’t try to sleep with her because you’re gonna make matters worse by the time she finds out you contracted it and passed it to her.

    Men! Men! Men! I wish you wisdom and peace in your marriage ooooooooo

  2. Dear poster … first of all, I really do hope you’re okay and you’ll get through it.

    Secondly I will advice you ask God for forgiveness and repent from repeating same silly mistake again and again

    I want you to understand There is a big difference between casual sex and reckless sex.

    Reckless sex is like reckless driving, reckless mountain climbing, or reckless use of a weapon—doing things you know (or should know) are unsafe. No one should be surprised at their consequences of such actions. how come a condom means nothing to you at that time?

    I will advice you don’t tell your woman yet, just find a way to stop her from being intimate with you for now until you are okay and don’t hurt her feelings by pushing her away or out to seek for it elsewhere, also know what you want in life. You could arrange with a physician to discuss with your guys about the need for some medication with total abstinence from sex

    But may I ask what are looking for in other women outside there when the woman you have at home sacrificed everything for you despite having having being through alot she still returned to be with you

    Hmmm it’s normal the world will try you but control your feelings, that’s why God gave you mind, so please make use of it you will save yourself and your wife a whole lot from future heartache and pain

    Also note there is wisdom in telling the truth especially when your thoughts are persuading you to do so. Failing, to tell the truth might cause you psychological pain.

    And Certainly, secrecy has some value. It’s important to note that telling unpleasant truths has consequences.

    For the sake of your life and the lives of others including your family, follow up with thorough medication And if lucky, please learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat them wishing you quick recovery .

  3. You messed up. You were ready to have unprotected s.x with strangers, many of them, meaning all of you were exchanging body fluids with each other, you were ready to equate the risk of business to health, taking in body fluids from men who may have been everywhere with ladies who then opened themselves up to you.
    Even if they told you everyone in the club had been tested and clean, it takes up to 3 months for some diseases to show, you may very well have contacted something more severe and incurable.

    Someone else like you was taken to a high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and splendor much more than a multimillion dollar business, he was told ‘All this I will give you, if you will bow down and worship me’ (similar to ‘if you would have s.x with all these ladies and sell your soul to sin’ ).

    The person refused. You looked at the forbidden fruit, considered the opportunity like Eve and agreed. What Eve did brought sin into the world, all these diseases and more, what you did gave you what you are dealing with now and threatening to destroy your marriage. The devil gives no free gift.

    If you have a couple of months left before you are clean it would be difficult to keep lying to your wife, and please don’t say anything hurtful to her, all these can push her to do something you would both regret or can bring a worse disease home. How would you then enjoy the proceeds of the multimillion dollar business?

    Let a middle man go round and round the garden explaining how this experience would make you never cheat again etc. and pitch it in a way that would help her not leave you. You can reach out to the owner of this blog to help you speak with your wife, she can handle, don’t worry.

    Please do not have s.x with your wife until your Doctor confirms you are totally clean.
    Draw near to God.
    Let your wife help you to be accountable when she heals.
    Avoid any situations that can lead to a compromise eg. these parties, next time go with your wife.
    Don’t take any substance or drink that would make you loose your senses, avoid the first sip.
    Be content with what you have and grow it through clean avenues.
    If she leaves you keep begging don’t fall into another woman’s lap.

    Bottom line you can’t keep putting her off for another 3 months or so, let her know the truth, the truth will set you free.

    May God heal you speeding and cause this situation to bring permanent healing and love to your home.

  4. Adultery is highly destructive and dangerous. It leads to the abyss. Bro, you shouldn’t allow anyone to deceive you into committing adultery, no you shouldn’t.

    You mentioned you took, ginger, garlic and tiger nuts, why did you stop? Please, keep taking it daily, do exercises daily, I mean everyday, make sure you sleep well, and no screens of any sort at least one hour before sleep, no sugar, snacks and all those junk foods, no alcohol, and see an expert in the men’s health that can help.

    Bro, DO ALL these things I have listed, please, do them as I have said. You really mentioned bro, if there is any sin you should run from, it is the sin of adultery, this sin leads people into hell FASTER than any other sin.

    Your wife is really hurting, but if she ends up cheating, it’s her fault, not yours. As I have always said it, adultery is a planned intentional deliberate wicked act, it can never be a mistake.

    But, do all I have said, and let’s see what we czn come up with.

    Please, if you see changes after sometime trying all I have said, please, tell us.

    I wish you well.


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