True Life Story: How Do I Control Myself From Cheating Urges?
A client of mine wants to share her situation with you…I want to hear your opinions on how to she can deal with the situation.
Hi Lively Stones,
Please hide my identity very well. No one must know this came from me. My marriage of sixteen years has been going on fine until three years ago. I think our marriage had an average s3x life. I mean, me and hubby can have s3x at most 2 to 3 times a week which was like most normal married people do. Three years ago, my first child got admission and went to the university. The other two were in the boarding house.
I started noticing I began to watch alot of p*rn. Initially , it was like once in a while thing but I noticed that I started watching p*rn everyday. It became a secret addiction. After doing it, I will promise myself not to do it anymore but next day, I see myself doing it. It got to a point that anytime hubby sleeps with me, I find it difficult to reach orgasm except I go and hide after s3x with my husband, I use p*rn to reach orgasm.
Right now, its so bad that even when I am in public, I feel the urge, I bring out my phone and look for a place to watch it and masturbate to it. So, I became worried that I may soon be caught or embarrassed but I do not really care. I just did not want to embarrass my husband. So, I told my husband about this.
My husband was ok with me doing p*rn but he says we should try and work on having more s3x so I can do less p*rn. We have been trying…my husband has been trying…he thinks he is putting in the work, he even praise himself after but I fake orgasm just to make him feel like he did something but the truth is, he cannot go as far as I want. I think the p*rn has messed my libido…I feel like with age, my desire, libido for s3x has increased alot and I feel the urge alot most times in a day. I got some s3x toys too. Sometimes, I cannot sleep well if I do not masturbate after watching p*rn. That is how what I have been afraid of has caught up with me.
I followed a s3x therapist on social media (Naomi) and complained to her. To her, she said all I need is discipline but that discipline is so hard to find. All the tips she gave me, I have tried, none have worked. I finally concluded that nothing is wrong with me, the therapist said its maybe me reacting to menopause…that with age, my hormones are just acting out and it will soon pass. So, I have been trying to manage it with adult pleasure movies.
My husband and I went to a friend’s promotion party two weeks ago. It was a very beautiful party. We stayed back after most guests have gone, we were just chatting when I started feeling horny. I got up to go to the bathroom, unfortunately, I did not check that it was a male bathroom…I brought out my phone and started to pleasure myself. I was so lost in the act that I did not even realize when the door opened and one of guests was watching me. He was the celebrant’s younger brother .
I was so embarrassed when I finally realized someone was watching me. He smiled and said I did not lock the door and he did not know someone was there but when he saw me, he could not take his eyes off. I hurriedly left there and went back to join my husband and the others…I was so ashamed, I could not tell my husband. This guy kept looking at me through out that evening and smiling. I almost died of shame.
The next day, this guy chats me on whatsapp … I wondered how he got my number, he said he has his ways. I told him to please forget what he saw and do not say anything…he laughed and said he will not say anything but he is interested in being close to me…for what…I asked him…he said he wants to give me a real p*rn like experience in real life. That if he f*cks me, I will never watch p*rn anymore.
I told him no way I am cheating on my husband. Besides, I am an adult…I can watch and do anything I like…I warned him not to bother me anymore and then I blocked him on whatsapp. The next place he went was my DM on Instagram. He apologized and said he just wants us to be friends. I know I should not have believed him but I said ok. So, we chat on IG and he was very cool at first, he was like, he wishes his own future wife would be a freak like me. I found out he is divorced.
This guy started to talk about the fact that its ok to have a healthy s3xual life…that its good for the heart, that people with active s3x life live long, bla bla bla…he even said that its ok to explore materials that help one learn about intimacy and stuff like that. I think that was when the subtle flirting started. We got talking and I started looking forward to his chats. We even started talking about erotic stuff. I would masturbate very often after our chats. This has been going on for almost two weeks.
Few days ago, he stopped chatting with me…I checked on him several times but he refused to reply my messages. About 24 hours later, he replied that he cannot chat with me anymore because he cannot control himself around me. That all he is thinking of is how he wants to sleep with me. For some odd reason…maybe because we have become so comfortable with each other, instead of me to be angry…I laughed at him for saying he cannot control himself… I just said eeyah…I would have loved to sleep with him too but I am married.
Immediately I said that…I deleted it but fear catch me. For the first time, I realized I really now wanted someone else apart from my husband. I have stopped chatting with this guy even though all my heart wants to do is to continue…all I fantasize about doing is f*cking this guy. I think I need professional help. This morning, I could no longer hold back…I sent him a message…that I want to sleep with him. He responded with fire emoji.
Later on, he called and told me to meet him at a hotel this afternoon. I am now officially in trouble…I want this guy and I do not think I can stop myself. I have been struggling with guilt…I have not even stepped out of my house to go see him but I feel so guilty and yet so excited…this must be how people who cheat feel…I have caught myself justifying why this is not wrong…but in the corner of my head…I hear that small voice telling me I am about to make a very big mistake.
That is why I am writing to you…how do I get myself out of this sh*t? I can say I am 80% ready to go out and meet this guy…it feels like a strong force pulling me…even if I block him…I feel that will not change anything. This urges have taken control of me…do I need help? I cannot tell my husband about this…I feel I am loosing this battle of how to discipline myself from going to meet this guy. I do not even feel bad as much…it feels normal and exciting to me…
I need your help as an accountability partner. Please advise me, I do not want to hurt my husband.
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