True Life Story: How Do I Handle My Mother’s Behavior To My Wife & Child?
Good Evening Lively Stones,
I need the advise of married people here. Its about my wife and my mother, these two are the most important women in my life but they do not like each other. Their dislike for each other has been passed to me and now, my child. I need something to do be done to change all that and I need your advise on how to go about it.
What happened was that, on my wedding day, my mother had an argument with my wife, the truth is, I cannot even remember what caused the argument but it had something to do with the sitting arrangement, I think one of my mom’s uncle did not get a seat at the family high table, my mom told the ushers to get a seat for him and the ushers refused saying every seat at the high table had been accounted for. My mom then sent an usher to my wife to speak to the ushers to make room for her uncle but my wife did not understand why the fuss about an uncle sitting at the high table, my wife told my mom that the high table is already full.
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My mom felt disrespected and even though my wife apologized later, it seemed like, my mom and my wife always were tense around each other. Then, when we started having babies, my wife started having miscarriages. We had three miscarriages in four years. By the 4rd miscarriage, my wife said we will no longer tell any of our family that we are pregnant until the baby is born. I understood her fears so I respected her wish. We got pregnant with our 4th baby and we told no one. (Later, found out my wife told her mom anyway).
Even when anyone wanted to come visit us, we would say we are not around so no one would know about the pregnancy. Eventually, as God did it, we had our baby girl, safe after almost eight and a half months. Yes, the baby was a bit preterm so we stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks before we told my mom and my family. My wife’s family was aware cos my wife needed her mom to come help out. By the time my mom found out, she was so upset that we kept the pregnancy a secret from her.
More upset that my wife’s family were aware before her and that made her feel like we were accusing her of having something to do with the past miscarriages. My mother refused to come see my daughter or even carry her when we came to present the baby to her. I understand how my mother feels but her being upset is not enough for her not to carry her own grand child. What wrong has her grand child committed? I begged and begged my mom yet she refused.
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So I decided to keep away from my mom and focus on my family. Now, my mom is busy telling everyone that my wife has taken over my life, that my wife is controlling me and pitching me against my family. These are lies. I h@te that these are the lies my mom is circulating to everyone that knows me.
My relatives are calling me to abuse me for letting a woman come in-between me and my mother. I have told them its not in my hands but my mother is the one refusing to make peace. They say I have to keep begging her until she forgives us…what exactly is our crime here? Her refusal to carry her grandchild…is that not a crime too? How will there be peace without her carrying her grandchild or talking to the mother of her grandchild? If my wife tries to call her, she hangs up the phone on her.
I want to make peace but my mother still refuses to carry my daughter or talk to my wife. My wife is even more afraid that a grandma that refuses to carry her grandchild has a motive but I have told her that my mother is not a witch, she is just old school and jealous cos I used to be one of her favorite sons. How do I make peace when my mother does such a thing? Sometimes, her actions make me even suspect that she does not want me, her son to be happy or have a child…after 3 miscarriages…why can’t she be happy for us and carry her grandchild? I am very confused. Please advise.
Anonymous
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Dear poster,please leave your mother alone and concentrate on your family. You’ve begged her,your wife also has begged,she has refused to carry her grandchild,abeg leave her alone and focus on your family,life and career.
Let there be peace in your home,amen……
Hmmm! You see eh, there is no smoke without fire. Focus on your own family, and protect them with all your strength.
Pray for your daughter.
Dear poster it might interest you to know Even years into adulthood, it can be difficult to identify a mother’s toxic traits and even harder to accept the reality of them. Oftentimes, people with toxic mothers get a deep feeling that something is not right with the relationship. They’ll often question if this issue is their own doing. They may even feel guilt at the thought that their mother may be at fault. Feeling this sense of discomfort or uncertainty surrounding your relationship with your mother may be a sign that your mother exhibits narcissistic personality traits. In cases like this, it can be very crucial to identify possible narcissistic personality traits in your mother. While it can be painful, it can serve as an important reminder that your value is never defined by another person’s toxic behavior, even if that person is your mother. It can be best to focus on your own thoughts, family and the form you’d like your future to take, rather than allowing your parent’s behavior to bring you down and control your life.
Mama is deeply hurt by your actions. Please, quickly go and make amends together. She deserves your love, honour and gratitude. Mend this rift and bring back harmony between you. Your action have consequences. Don’t allow it escalate to become a generational curse issue.
Is so disheartening the people here are advising you to focus on your family and leave your mother.. you and your wife agreed that no one should know about the pregnancy yet your wife broke the rule and told her mother and you maintained the rule by not telling your own mother like seriously? What was your wife’s reason for doing that? Your mother didn’t kill you and your wife expect her to have a hand in her miscarriages? You had to convince your wife that your mother is not a witch? Your mother is witch and your mother in law is angel from heaven ba?
Mr. Man are you sure you’re with your senses? One day you will look for that your mother you will not see her around then you will realize the importance of mother. Your wife love your daughter so much and she thinks your mother hate you and her ground-child lol..
You must go beg your mother.. those telling you to focus on your family would they abandon their own mother? You didn’t your tell your mother but your wife told her own mother as what and you expect your mother to be happy? Think again.