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True Life Story: How Do We Stop Our Brother From Marrying A Terrible Woman?

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True Life Story: How Do We Stop Our Brother From Marrying A Terrible Woman

Good morning Lively Stones,

I am not one to usually come to social media to broadcast personal or family issues but right now, it feels like my back is against the wall. Its about my elder brother and his wife. My brother was married to a loving woman with whom he built a house with. Unfortunately, she died from cancer in 2011. That was a huge blow to the entire family cos Aunty V was much loved by everyone even though she didn’t even have a child in their 8 years of marriage.

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After that, my brother moved to Abuja as his business office moved. He has been in Abuja and he has dated several women. One had a child for him but they didn’t marry. Now, he started dating one Niger state woman and they are about to get married in December. Well, the issue now is, that Niger state woman is a terrible woman …since she entered my brother’s life, things have changed.

Our family is a close one but this woman has been trying to separate our brother from us. For example, my brother asked me to move into his Lagos house since he moved to Abuja. The Abuja house is a rented one. I have been staying in this house since 2012 with some of two of my siblings and our mom. Now, that they want to marry, my brother also wants to relocate back to Lagos and he has told all of us including my mom to leave his house.

ALSO READ:True Life Story: My Mother In-law Is Suffocating My Marriage

Do you know why he said that? Because his wife says its not a good idea to live with in-laws in the same house. I work in Lagos. My mom has no one in the village cos all her children have left home. My two siblings just came out of school, still looking for a job while I work in a manufacturing company in Surulere.

When my bros asked everyone to leave the house, we asked him if we could stay in teh boys quarters, he said no….that his wife needs privacy ….that she does not want any interferences from in-laws.  I get it that he needs his privacy, but my family is not an invasive type, we don’t like quarrel. Infact, ever since they started dating, we are the ones who call this woman, she never calls us.

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I don’t blame her, she is just 26 years old. My brother is 45. So, she is a small girl that is not well raised. For her to tell her husband to be, person wey never even marry her, to send his family away cos she is coming to love in the duplex all by herself with her husband alone is making me wonder which kain juju or kayenmata she dey use cos the thing dey work o.

Now, my brother has sent us 300k to go and get a self-contain apartment for me, my 2 siblings and my mom to live in one room self-contain when he has a big duplex and 3 rooms boys quarter self-contain. Only for him and his 26 year old wife. I am pained …my younger ones are so upset. They are all saying we should report my brother to the elders in the village but my mom is begging us to leave him alone.

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If we keep quiet….for a woman who has not come in, when she comes in, what else will she do? Will she not make sure my brother never sees or cares for us? Our dad died when we were very young. My mom worked her ass off to make sure we ate, went to school. We were so close. Now, everything is changing. Its like darkness is coming upon our family.

My father must be turning in his grave with anger. We have to stop this woman from coming into the family. Who does she think she is? Did she know how we suffered to get here? Why will a wife to be treat even her mother inlaw like out laws?

Please advise us on what to do…should we report our brother to the elders (that is my father’s brothers , our uncles) in the village or leave him alone? My mom is not happy…I dont want to loose my mom to depression….or high blood pressure that my brother’s fiancée is bringing ….no one is happy…what do we do?

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

6 COMMENTS

  1. My sister you need to act fast so that the wedding will not hold in December.

    Report your elder brother to the elders and also report his fiancee to her people,what nonsense?

    This must not happen,this girl has an evil plan and she will unleash it when she becomes a wife,kaiiiiii,you need to stop this,you people need to fight,your mum has to be strong,she needs to stand up and stop this rubbish,make she no do say she no want trouble.

    She is such a calm mother inlaw,haba. Use everything you have got to stop that 26years old brat from entering your house,you need to do prayers, whatever her family has given her to use on your brother should be destroyed by fire.

    It is well with your family,that marriage will not hold in Jesus name,amen. How can your brother be behaving like this to his own blood?

  2. Hi,

    Well truth be told (forget about the fact that it is a 2nd marriage and the lady is 26), it is better for couples who are just married to be alone for at least 1 year of their marriage. Even the Bible says in Genesis 2:24: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
    A man leaves his family to cleave to his wife regardless of whether he lives in a duplex lol. Although external family may be peaceful their presence immediately after marriage can instigate some issues ranging from eg. She didn’t cook for everyone, dressing, if she’s having a heated conversation with your Brother and you hear, cleaning etc.

    After a while then maybe just your mum can go back and live with them.

    Your Brother has done well to provide money for rent for his siblings, maybe what he can do in the long term is move into somewhere smaller and rent a separate bigger place that can accommodate you, your sibling and your mum although your mum can live with them too after a while but for now she can be with you so that they can have some honeymoon space and both him and his wife can do their best to see you are all ok.

    Are you old enough to face the responsibilities of life? It’s only fair to allow your Brother move on with his new marriage, it doesn’t stop you all hanging together at his place for family meals etc but a newly wedded couple should have some space.

    If your Brother is reading this, he should have protected his bride by not revealing she thinks it’s not best for inlaws and wifey to be under the same roof from word go.

    Please love and accept your new bride to be, at some point you’ll marry too.

    Much much later, there is nothing wrong with you all moving back and living peacefully but you’ll need to respect the mother of the homes wish.

    All the best

  3. Any woman who turns her husbands against his mother is a witch let me start with that ,women should understand that when u marry a man u also marry the family ,what make u a good wife Is not only because of the man but his family .

    U cant do anything ur brother is an ingrate if not he would understand that if not for the sacrifices of his mother he would not have gotten so far ,a mother would trained her child to be successful only for one bitch who wouldn’t date that man if he wasn’t successful to be putting hatred between that man and his mother who trained that child ,some children are too forgetful .

    Maybe she use juju for him , because ur brother is not in his right senses ,how would u chase ur mother for a woman who u barely know ,not knowing if she would be trouble some.

    Men ur wife can leave u if u get broke ,or sick but ur mother would never leave u , love ur wife but understand that ur mother can never be replaceable u can get another wife but not another mother .

    Find a way to leave the house ,ur dignity is important sooner or later ur brother would regret the woman he marrie d ,but never drag with her ,u would only make the issue more messy.

  4. Uche God bless you for not allowing sentiment over-cloud your judgement here, you said it all

    Married couples deserve time alone regardless whether his mother trained him or not abeg. (Na d wife for train am?) The only problem is your brother can handle it better, he should make adequate provision for his family and gradually when his wife and family can relate well enough they can come visit or stay as the situation may permit. A woman you’ve never lived with you are already calling her names because of what your brother said and that’s exactly the problem. Inlaws will always fault a wife if they live together, that’s what she is afraid of and trying to avoid it’s not hatred for inlaws.

    Your brother is the one not acting right but it’s always easy to blame the stranger. Las las it is his house and he calls the shot.

  5. Its so good to see the flip side of life on issues . @uche and @Lovelyn has spoken what i would have adviced too.
    Nothing is evil about your about -to -be -wifey.
    Its simply time for your brother to move on . Your Brother should be the one to settle you his family well. You cant be with him in the Duplex because there will be one issue or the other. we have living examples even in the Bible. its better a man leaves his Father n Mother and Cleave to his wife.
    cleaving doenst come natural for a man, thats why a woman needs wisdom (not fights) and enabling enviroment to make it easy for the man.
    Please its not easy but dont see the wife as an Intruder or a divider. Even if she is, the ball is in her court to be with your BROTHER. sO YOU JUST ALLOW THINGS TO BE. TIME WILL TELL HER SINCERITY AND SHE LL BE THE ONE TO GET WISDOM TO EMBRACE you family so she can enjoy her Husband ( your Brother).
    if only shes wise enough to know that , but Not every woman has tolerant level as same. More e so shes not from the same tribe as your family ( i suppose).

    Meanwhile, dont report your Brother, Let him see reason to settle his family better at least for your mom’s sake.
    It is just time for you guys to start accepting some realities and try to earn a living too. 20 childreN dont play for 20 years you know!
    Its well with you.
    Peace.

  6. You already said the girl was not well raised. I really pity your brother. Incase you guys don’t do anything about it, let him marry her, but when she starts her nonsense in the marriage and he comes for your help, please don’t answer him, tell him he needs privacy.

    Some men disgust me with the way they act foolish for women, what is wrong with men, why do men act so stupid for women.

    Leave him, let him learn the painful way.

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