True Life Story: How I Endured A Childless Marriage & Blamed Myself For Thirteen Years
Good day Madam Jzhane,
My name is Stella. I came across your blog recently and I must say, I wish I discovered Lively Stones earlier. I see what you are doing to advice people…well done. This life is full of ups and downs and sometimes, life challenges hit you so hard, you begin to question your morals and beliefs in life. I am a 46 years old married woman. I have been married to the love of my life for 13 years. If you do the math, you will see that I married when I was over thirty, so some of the challenges I faced in my marriage, I attributed it to not marrying on time not knowing I was wrong, as in totally wrong.
When I married my husband Fidel, like I said, he was the love of my life. He did not have much but he was the sweetest and most romantic guy I ever met. I fell head over heels in love. And we were determined to make it together. I had some money of my own. We invested and started businesses…we built our small empire. By the grace of God, we have properties, cars and businesses. But the problem was, I couldn’t conceive. Even with all the resources we had, IVF did not work for us.
My husband was very sweet and supportive. Always telling me to trust in God, that God will bless us with our own child one day. By the eight year of our marriage, I suggested that we should adopt a child while we were still waiting….my husband said, lets wait a bit. That if we don’t conceive by the time he clocks 45, we can adopt. The idea was, let us wait a little more but before the end of that year, tragedy struck. I caught my husband cheating with my own secretary. I was hurt. My husband cried and begged for forgiveness. We went to counselling and we worked it out.
After counselling, I noticed my husband was not happy as before. Our communication broke down…it was like, something died in the marriage. I think he started facing depression. I followed the advice of our therapist and told him lets adopt a child, perhaps, a child will heal whatever is broken in our marriage. My husband said, he does not want to adopt cos adoption feels like we do not trust God and that we have given up. I again listened to him and forgot about the adoption.
ALSO READ: My Husband Is Begging Me To Cover His Shame After Accusing Me Of Infertility For 11 Years
A few months later, my husband came to me, and said he wanted to tell me how he was feeling. That he loves me and does not want to hurt or betray me but that he had been struggling with the idea that he may never have a child because I cannot give him one. My husband said, if I agree, that he would like to try another woman, to see if the woman can conceive. I was numb. My husband was telling me…asking me to give him permission to f*ck another woman , so he can have a child.
Well, I told him no way, that if he does that, then we are done. He kept silent but then, he stopped talking to me altogether….we would not speak to me for weeks. Then he started keeping late nights. He was getting drunk. He blamed me for his depression. I thought long and hard…I cried and prayed….and then I eventually called him and told him I have agreed for him to try and impregnant another woman. He was grateful and told me that he would never love any other woman but me, no matter if the woman gives him a child.
So, I asked him, who will the woman be…he said said my former secretary. I should have known but my husband explained that it would be better with her cos he knows her and that when he was having an affair with her, she got pregnant but they had to abort cos of me….but I should have known that the fact that he suggested her meant he had not gotten over her. I agreed reluctantly and told him that he can sleep with her but I will not allow him to marry her. He agreed. My husband became himself again. He was lively and happy. Infact, our S** life improved.
A few months later, he told me the secretary was pregnant. I was so full of regret but happy that my husband would not be without his heir. My husband then said we can now adopt. I adopted a baby girl while the secretary gave birth to a baby boy. It was an unusual arrangement but at least, we managed to be happy by it. I started noticing that my husband loved to spend a lot of time with his baby mama instead of our adopted daughter. I was pained with jealousy but I kept calm.
Then I started seeing the secretary’s social media pictures of her and my husband and the baby, like a perfect family.
…TO BE CONTINUED
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