True Life Story: How I Endured A Childless Marriage & Blamed Myself For Thirteen Years-Pt 2
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CONTINUATION….
Then I started seeing the secretary’s social media pictures of her and my husband and the baby, like a perfect family. When I questioned my husband….he said he will …ask her to take down the photos but she refused. I had to confront this bitch and that was when she told me I cant tell her what to do with pictures of her husband and her baby. Her husband? Did I hear right? My husband later confessed that this bitch refused to get pregnant if my husband did not pay her dowry…he was desperate and he had no choice but to marry her traditionally.
So, now, my husband has a son and a second wife….it was my turn to be depressed. But I left everything to God and focused on my beautiful adopted daughter. The next year, the secretary got pregnant again and gave birth to another boy. Even though my husband and I were still married legally, he had majorly moved on to this woman. It felt like I was a single woman. I was sad alot of times and people around me were very concerned. Many advised me to divorce my husband.
When I brought up the issue of divorce to my husband, he apologized for neglecting me and begged me to give him another chance. He changed a little and tried to be involved in our lives. I told myself, my daughter deserved to have a father even if he is not perfect. Then one day, one of my employees, one who we just bought a car for her performance the year before came to me and told me that she wants to tell me something. That she can no longer hide this secret from me cos she sees I have been very good to her and many of our staff.
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This man goes ahead to tell me that my husband’s second wife has a lover and he suspects that the children she claims is for my husband may not be his own. I asked him how he knows…he said because, the lover is our former accountant who resigned last year….that the lover sleeps with my former secretary every week, he knows because, he lives in the same area as my former accountant. I was like, this must be a joke. I thought long and hard on what to do with this information, so I went to see my former secretary and my husband’s second wife to try and get the truth out of her.
When this bitch saw me at her doorstep…she was surprised but I told her to relax, that I did not come for trouble. I then asked her if the boys she has are for my husband or her lover the accountant….she was shocked and tried to ask what I meant…I told her that if she continues to lie….I will tell my husband and request a DNA test on the boys. But if she tells me the truth, I will keep her secret. This stupid woman went on her knees and started begging and confessing.
The summary of her confession is: that she knew how desperate my husband wanted children and after having unprotected S** with him for one year when they were having an affair…she knew my husband was impotent….cos once she slept with our former accountant…she got pregnant but she lied to him that my husband was the father…that they aborted the pregnancy after my husband told her he cannot hurt me. So, after my husband came again to say he wanted her back, she knew she had to find a way to give him what he wants, which is children.
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I was beyond shocked at what this woman was telling me…so clearly, I lost my husband and marriage to a fraudster….I started laughing instead of crying. This girl was shocked I was not mad. You know why I was not mad….cos I realized maybe I am not the problem of our childlessness…maybe if I went and f*cked someone else….maybe I would be pregnant….ha….and this girl said to me, please lets not tell my husband because if he knows he didn’t father those boys, he might commit suicide cos he was very much in depression when he though he could never have his own child.
You see, I agree with this woman….I think exposing her will do more harm than good. So, I would rather not tell my husband…at least, I am not the one deceiving him abi? My only issue is…what about me? In four years, I will be fifty years old. I literally sacrificed my years for this man….now that I know that I may not be the cause of our childlessness….I am so upset with my husband for blaming me and making me go through all this pain….should I not have the chance to go out and get a man to give me my own biological child?
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How will I get my own child if I don’t cheat on my husband….maybe me too should sleep with the former accountant….hahahaha….chai…..or should I now file for a divorce? See what our life has come to…what should I do? I am desiring to have my child before its too late….I have been sitting on this secret for two weeks. I need to make my move now…..what should I do…divorce or cheat? Or maybe do like the secretary…..carry another man’s child and pin it on my husband?
Anonymous
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Your husband needs to hear this news ooo e get why. Don’t keep this secret,do not keep this secret from your husband.
You need to file for divorce and take good care of your adopted baby.
You can still remarry and have your own biological kids, trust me. Remaining with that man after he has wasted your precious and youthful age can cause serious depression for you.
Divorce him and remarry,it is well! Note,tell your husband,if you cannot,you can tell someone to help you tell him,he needs to know he is the one with the infertility issues,he needs to know he is impotent,for one year he couldn’t impregnate the secretary.
Chaiii,this is so painful. May the Lord continue to strengthen you ma’am,amen
I think there is such a thing as artificial insemination where you don’t have to sleep with another man but still get pregnant by a man you know his background and want to ha e a child for. If you can afford IVF I believe you can afford it.
It’s always better for women to not see themselves as the problem and explore every option before blaming themselves, I’ve come to realise that no man will stay childless because of a woman, they always seek alternative unless the childlessness it their fault that’s when they stay.
There’s such a thing as artificial insemination where you don’t have to sleep with another man but still get pregnant for someone you know their background and want to have their child, if you ca afford IVF I believe you can afford it. don’t waste time while you’re considering options.
Men don’t stay faithful in childless marriage unless it’s their fault.
Dear poster,your husband needs to know the truth. You have an adopted child that can fill in the gap of a biological child.concentrate on your girl.do not cheat on your husband please there will be nothing left if you cheat.i understand you want your own but since your husband is not capable, accept it please and concentrate on your girl.it will be best he knows the problem comes from him that way he would stop blaming you.and you need to remove the mindset of having your own child so it doesn’t make you go out to cheat on your husband. I don’t know the process of adoption but i want to believe there was an assurance given that you would take the girl as your own before the orphanage home released the girl to you and your husband. you’re practically a mum already it doesn’t matter if you’re not the biological mum of your princess. Let God lead.my thought. Not having a biological child is not the end of the world. Orphanage homes have made things easy.it is well.
I wish you recorded the confession of your former secretary. You wouldn’t have had any need to say anything to your husband, but just play the recorder. That would have not only made it easier for you, but also made your husband to believe you first hand. If you tell him and he confronts her, she might deny it and your husband wishing to save himself from heartache, ( even if he thinks it might be true) may not want to go for a DNA and in the end the table might be turned against you and you get labeled as a bitter, frustrated woman.
Anyway, you need to still tell your husband. Whatever is the outcome of the exposure, accept it.
But, you shouldn’t cheat your husband with another man and pin a child that is not his on him. That makes you no different from your former secretary.
Do you know the funny thing about this life? That former accountant might know the kids are his. What if in future he comes demanding for his children and the drama of DNA comes in and the children are confirmed his? The truth will come out for the world to see and if by then you are also brandishing a child(ren) to belong to your husband, how will it look like?
You can also adopt a male child to make them 2 kids and relax. The kids will know only you as their mother and the love and acceptance you will give them will be priceless to them.
If only your husband were a believer in God, I would have told him infertility is an akamu case for God to handle, coupled with medical help, he can father children. But since he decided to handle it his way, let him deal with it himself.
I think it will be foolish to yield to the advice of ur former secretary of not telling ur husband this deceit. The secretary that is trying to steal ur husband that u want to hv mercy on. It is obvious that u are very godly and u really love ur husband that is y u thinking of his wellbeing in all of this.
My simple advise is that u must expose the secret so ur husband can come back to u fully having known he is the cause of the childlessness and if need be u can adopt more children.
I even think if ur husband is aware, he will do everything to ensure the marriage works since he now know he his the cause of the problem.
Divorce him if you want to have children it is better than cheating or pinning another man’s child on him. But if you still love him and want to be married to him then you have to come clean and then discuss on other chances of having children
Dear Poster,
God bless the staff that told you about this former secretary’s evil. Keep doing good.
It’s sad that you went through this experience and have come to the junction where your love has been betrayed.
I know it hurts, but we can’t think of paying people back or acting selfishly like them when we condemn their actions.
I will ask that you focus on the main thing. Focus on your family, especially child.
Your best move is to request to adopt a boy. Possibly, adopt two as you desire.
While that is processing, take your husband for a family general health check alongside your daughter, and confirm truly his impotency. If he doesn’t endorse the idea then he is aware he has a problem but have been fooling you all or living in denial.
Age isn’t on your side. Divorce isn’t your best option here cos it’s indisputable that you are the only legally married wife of your husband. In case you guys didn’t do any court marriage, push for it in a subtle and sweet way now and have the upper hand.
You still love your husband and want a home for your child, so don’t go for divorce immediately. Thank God you are vindicated that you aren’t barren afterall. Congratulations!
That secret has to be unveiled to your husband but prayerfully go about it. Let him know that he has no child but is been used by the former secretary and accountant to raise their own children.
They know DNA will proof everything when they are ready to leave his life and no one knows if they will force him to change his will and kill him, then claim his wealth.
He should keep sentiments aside and avoid public embarrassment in the future by running DNA of the kids behind the woman or with her.
If you seriously needs your child, think of a sperm donor and medical method without cheating.
Don’t cheat. You have better advantage ovet the other woman.
If you can’t stand him, separate after telling him secrets and ensuring the other woman is out of his life completely and return when you are sure he is focused on you and your kids.
But your husband might prefer to answer dad to another man’s children just to appear potent.
Ensure, you involve your family and his family memberd in a wise way.
I pray for peace, wisdom, happiness and fulfilment for you.
Pls tell ur new staff to help u n tell ur husband d through , once d former secretary knew that u no d truth n u don’t tell ur husband,she may plan with d former accountant to kill u to cover themselves up n all what you have worked for years will now belong to another woman with bastard