HomeAdviceTrue Life Story: Husband Gave Permission To Have Friends With Benefits

True Life Story: Husband Gave Permission To Have Friends With Benefits


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True Life Story: Husband Gave Permission To Have Friends With Benefits

Last year was the best year of my life. But from what I just discovered, it was a best year based on lies and disappointment. In 2020, I broke up with a girl I loved so much. I did everything for this girl, I spent lots of money on her and her mother. The girl knows I wanted to marry her so I invested heavily on her.

Throughout the relationship which lasted for two years, the relationship was one sided. This girl never gave me anything even on my birthday. She wont call except I call her. She only visits me when I beg her, I will be the one visiting her and taking her out. This girl knows and I am very emotional.

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One day, I caught her trying to delete a text that came in, it was from her so called brother’s friend who she was f*cking. That was when we broke up. Like I said, I am a very emotional person and the breakup made me so depressed. I decided to go on dating app to look for a someone interested in just friends with benefits relationship.

For real, I did not even know dating apps was working in naija until I tried it. That was how I met Ajoke (not real name). Ajoke used a fake name on the dating app. She was a very beautiful s*xy looking tall young lady. We chatted for a while and eventually hooked up. She also wanted nothing but just friends with benefits, no personal questions asked. I didnt even know her real name.

We met everyday for most of last year. She would come see me after work, we would f*ck for an hour before she would leave. She never spent the night. Sometimes, she would come during the weekends, spend like 3 hours before leaving. I was surprisingly happy. We were tempted several times to talk about our personal lives especially me.

I felt I was falling for her and wanted to know her on a personal level. But Ajoke refused. We had a great time, laughing, f*cking and just enjoying each other’s company. In December, she told me that she would take a break cos its Christmas period, she would be spending time with her family, so she wont be coming everyday to see me. I said ok.

However after 3 days, I missed her so bad that I had to call her. Her no was not connecting. I tried to text but no connection. I was now desperate, I started trying to look for her on social media. But because I didn’t know her real name, it was hard. Eventually, after like some serious search, using her picture on google, I found out who Ajoke really was.

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Could you believe this girl that I have wild s*x with everyday since February 2021 is a married woman with two young boys? Her pictures with her husband and their son was on her husband’s page. They had several lovey family outing pictures and they looked so perfect on the pictures.

ALSO READ:Our Relationship Was Just Friends With Benefits But My Feelings Have Changed

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My heart broke at my discovery. Like I said, I am a very emotional person. I could not understand how the woman I have been sleeping with has a husband and two sons who look like 5 and 3 years old. Few days later, she showed up at my place and I told her what I discovered. She freaked out and got up to leave, saying its over because now that I know her, she cannot be with me anymore.

Ajoke left me since December 19th and my life has literally stopped since then. I cannot do anything serious, I cannot think…I cannot sleep…I am in love with Ajoke and I miss her like crazy but she did not want anything to do with me anymore. I downed myself in alcohol and prostitutes just to forget but its not working.

My question is: why do ladies love to cheat on men who love them, do everything for them? Ajoke has such a beautiful family and yet she is with someone else f*cking every single day? I received a text from Ajoke on the last day of December. She explained that she does not want her personal life exposed because she and her husband has an agreement.

That her husband is aware of her affairs because he is sick: impotent. I was like, I don’t believe her, I also will not disrespect a sick guy by sleeping with his wife. That was when she made swear not to reveal the truth. I swore….then she said: her husband is gay. That their marriage is just a contract, on paper, to cover up, to protect him from people finding out and judging him.

ALSO READ:This So Called Friendship Is Threatening Our Marriage-Please Advice

Ajoke said her husband allows her to find pleasure outside cos he does the same. They only have IVF to have their children but no s3x in their marriage. She said if I want us to continue, I must swear not to reveal what she told me about her husband.

I am very confused because all I want is Ajoke back. I am at peace knowing that her husband gave her his blessings to be with other men. I cannot judge him if he says he is gay but I discussed this with my friend, he says its not ok because she is married in the eyes of the law. That is the only area he is uncomfortable with.

My question is: if its the husband that gave her permission, is it still wrong? The man is fully aware…he too is into men and has a lover….so what is so wrong about this…what do you guys think about this….I don’t need judgmental advice….please be open minded…I am just so messed up because, I am in love with Ajoke … she makes me really happy and she is the only one that can help me remain stable. Why should her arranged marriage be an issue at all? Its not like we are hurting anyone right?

Its not like she’s cheating…I am aware of some cultures in Nigeria…that the men even give their wives to visitors to entertain them with s3x. I just wanted to share and see what others think …because I am in love so I may not be very objective…I just want to be happy…I am tired of heartbreak…I dont have the strength to start all over…I just want Ajoke that is why I want a third party to look into this objectively. Thank you.


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. The husband may have given his permission but this whole arrangement is morally wrong…the gay issue is one thing…the fact that they are married just for a contract….the fact that you are servicing a married woman is another thing…it may appear right in the eyes of logic but in the eyes of God…every sequence here is wrong.

    Understandably, you are emotionally hurt and needing companionship…I think you need to properly heal….learn to love yourself before loving someone else…you sound like an emotionally needy person and people can sense that and exploit that. Take a relationship fast….go away somewhere you can fast from every form of relationship drama.

    Discover yourself. Love your own company. You will discover how much you love yourself….do things by yourself…enjoy being you…this is a dysfunctional relationship and you might only get your heart broken further if you stay.

    Wish you all the best.

  2. You are too attached to A joke and that is a big problem. Are you going to continue living like that? Is that what you really want for yourself, to be assistant husband.
    You need to set your emotions aside and start reasoning clearly. Ajole is just there for the fun of it and she is doing that to “protect” marriage.
    I think you should quit that relationship and work on your emotional stability. Then you will be able to fine true love.

  3. Have you sincerely asked yourself if this is what you really want? Your arrangements with A joke of obviously temporal whether or not you admit that. Won’t you have kids of your own, a family you can openly call yours? Think it through. In all, you need God . Shalom!

  4. Your first relationship, you were spending on her and her mother, she never called you, you even said its one sided, my Bro, you are one of such men that worship women, you think you can’t do without women, thats why you all spend foolishly on women.

    It is not your duty and will never be a duty to take care of a lady, many men have been deceived into seeing women as special human beings, hence they simp for women, act foolishly for women, worship women, and thats why you were spending foolishly on your former babe, and drinking to stupor cos of the married lady. Bro, you need to unlearn and learn a lot about women, you need to stop overrating women, please the rationale male by Rollo Tomassi, you will get the downloadable file on the Internet, my guy, YOU NEED THAT BOOK, I REPEAT, YOU NEED THAT BOOK, I REPEAT AGAIN, YOU NEED THAT BOOK.

    On the married woman, please block her No, delete her chats, pls do it, you have been fornicating, infact its worse when you do it with a married woman, sleeping with another man’s wife is murder, no one may tell you all these, both her and her husband are irresponsible lots, forget them and block them totally.

    You will be fine bro, pls get that book i mentioned up, pls YOU NEED THAT BOOK. Get kt today. YOU REALLY NEED THAT BOOK

  5. @Akindele may your pen never run out of ink. The guy is silly not even ashamed of sleeping with a married woman of all the single women out there


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