True Life Story: My Unhappy Marriage Drove Me Into The Arms Of Another Married Man
Dear Lively Stones,
Please I need some advice. My husband is a force man, we met three years ago at a wedding. He is a widower and he is 12 years older than me. When we met, I had just come out of a messy breakup. So, I did not care about the age difference between us and I missed all the red flags. Or maybe I just ignored them. Don’t get me wrong, my husband is a good man ..its just that the age difference makes it difficult for communicate on the same level after marriage.
When we were dating, I was just in love with all the attention he was giving me that my ex was not able to. I fell heavily for his charm…as a more mature man, his moves were mature and I loved that. And then I got pregnant, just four months after dating. Next thing was marriage cos I thought I had everything I wanted ..a man who was caring for my needs. And he had only two children who were from his late wife but they are in the US with the late wife’s family.
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However, things became clearer after marriage. Hubby wanted to control me cos he was threatened by my age….that I might be going after other men. He asked me to stop doing my business and become a full time house wife. He was giving me regular allowance. I was content with that but like two years after, the money he was giving me was not sufficient and it was not even coming regularly. When I complained, he asked me to stop bothering him and think of how to get pregnant with my second child.
Our communication broke down further ….he was controlling and I was stubborn cos I did not want to be controlled. This made him even stop giving me money, instead, he will buy everything I needed even to my pant. He would rather buy what I wanted than give me the money. Then he was deployed to Nassarawa and I left alone in the house which almost made me run mad.
Due to my constant complain of being left alone, our family and friends intervened and he finally allowed me to visit my friend who lives in Ikoyi. He ordered that the driver took me there and brought me back. This was fine by me, my friend just had a baby and was on maternity leave so I visited her quite regularly. And then one day, my friend and I agreed that we should meet up in her place but she forgot that she had to take her baby for immunization.
So when I got to her place, she was not there. But I met her husband’s brother was came to stay with them cos he and his wife were having issues. We greeted and exchanged pleasantries. After some time, he went inside but later came out to gist with me. We talked about marriage and challenges. We realized how we both were married to people who did not understand us. He said he had to leave home cos his wife was controlling him while I explained how my husband was controlling me.
After a while, He left me in the sitting room and said he was going to have his shower. I was in the sitting room when he came out of the bathroom…he stood there in his towel and was like….I have never done this before but I am having a boner (erection) and I am very horny…can I f*ck you please? I was shocked at his request but I said no I cant…next thing he dropped his towel and said…we both deserve to be happy…our spouses are not making us happy…why cant we make ourselves happy.
I lost control at this point….what he exposed was too tempting to look away twice…we played around,….fooled around…and eat the forbidden fruit of each other. I must say, I realized I was making the biggest mistake of my life….we both regretted it but we both enjoyed it…we felt somewhat happy and elated. Like an hour later, my friend came and he left to go to the gym. I could not stay too long cos I was afraid, my friend would see through me about what happened with her brother in-law and me.
Since that day, I have been refusing to go Ego’s place…cos I know I would fall again to her brother in-law….how do I know….I have been having s3x dreams of this man since that day. I am so afraid but I have also not stopped thinking of what Ego’s brother in-law said after we had s3x that day….while we were in each other’s arms, he said….what if we both leave our spouses since we are unhappy with them…what if we leave them and start a new life abroad.
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I am not saying that I want to leave my husband just like that but clearly…I rushed into this marriage and now, I realize that I will not be happy with a man who is over 10 years older…one who is hardly around but wants to control my every movement and my life…I don’t have any money…he wont give me…he wont let me work. And having had s3x with a younger man than him….it feels different. I think I would be making a great mistake…to keep living in this prison called marriage.
Please don’t insult me for having s3x with another married man. Its unhappiness that drove me to do that. I don’t want to make the same mistake again…I now realize there is no way my husband can change…and I am not sure I want to remain unhappy for the rest of my life…that is why I am asking for advice…should I quit my marriage?
Anonymous
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I have noticed that once people are wrong or do any bad thing ,they would say “they regret it but at the same time enjoyed it”.Why is it so?
Anyways , madam you have broken the vow you made on the altar of Jehovah,this is too bad. This shouldn’t be happening in your marriage, it’s just too early biko
If you don’t longer want the marriage,rather than committing adultery,abeg ask for a divorce,you can’t be in your husband’s house and be doing rubbish,stop seeing that man, he’s promising you abroad and you are happy abi.
Have you taken your time to find out how many of your friend’s friends he has slept with? Do you even know why his wife is behaving the way she is behaving? Have you asked yourself why he’s in your friend’s house? Is that the right place to stay?
My sister,shine your eyes so you don’t enter from frying pan to fire.
Udo!
Deciding whether to end a marriage is a significant and personal choice. Reflect on the reasons behind your feelings and consider factors such as compatibility, communication, and shared values also Engaging in intimate relationships with married individuals can be complex and may have emotional consequences for all parties involved consider the impact on yourself and the guy you slept with , and their spouse aswell. Reflect on your values and priorities remember that Open and honest communication with your husband is crucial in understanding each other’s perspectives. Professional guidance, like counseling, may also be beneficial to navigate such decisions I rest my case here .
Until you realize that your happiness is not in any man that is when you will stop making grave mistakes. Do not follow this guy and don’t believe things people say when they want to have sex with you. They will come off that cloud and realize they didn’t mean what they said. That man is not going to leave his family for you and also your husband will not give you a divorce. Why don’t you focus on making your home work, what about your child?
Think with your brain not with your sexual needs. There is more to life than eyes meet.
Stop making silly excuses for your adultery, nothing drove you into the hands of another man, you drove yourself into it out of greed, later you women will be forming women Supporting women, nawa oo.
I don’t think you are remorseful. Let me tell you this, adultery is a very grievous sin, infact you didn’t just do adultery, but slept with another woman’s husband, which is murder. I wish you knew how grievous how adultery is, you will run from it.
Repent from your adulterous ways. My sister, I put it to you, you will commit many more adultery, and you will remember I said it, I always know how it plays out, infact, you will become so emboldened and justify it that you will wish your husband to cheat on you so you will feel good that sebi he too is doing it.
To the men that sleep with other men’s wives, if you are killed, we will only use you as a lesson to other men.
I wish you well sister.