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True Life Story: Is This A Sign That God Wants To Give A Second Chance To 40 Year Old Virgin


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True Life Story: Is This A Sign That God Wants To Give A Second Chance To 40 Year Old Virgin

Hi Lively Stones,

Please I need your advice, I see this platform as people with fair minded perspective and I need to make up my mind with some guidance. So my name is Loveth (not real name). I am a 40 year old virgin, I am going to be 41 in November this year. This is my story: I did not plan to be a single 40 year old virgin by this time of my life. But I was focused on my career and finding the right man and that is how I got to this stage of my life.

For six years, I was in a dedicated relationship with someone who started with me while in Nigeria but along the way, he relocated to China and we kept a long distance relationship for six years. He ended up marrying and having children with an Ibo girl he met in China. It took me almost 4 years to move on. That was when I met Bernard. We met in church but he married at the time. He liked me alot but we could only be friends cos he was married.

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Later on, I found out that Bernard and is wife were having issues because he was sleeping with alot of girls in church. I now realized that he tried to do the same with me but for my strong belief that S** must be inside marriage. His wife later divorced him and left with their daughter. Since then, I have been meeting different men, married and single but none wanted to settle down. They all felt since I was a virgin, I was going to be desperate…I became desperate at some point but I was not that desperate.

Then I met David. David seemed like the one…but for the one year we were dating, I realized I was the one funding the relationship. He never had money and he said God called him to leave his job and focus on starting his ministry. He told everyone I was his fiancée but he never proposed to me. Yet, he kept borrowing money from to go and do ministry in different towns. I also felt I was doing God’s work by sponsoring him but by the second year, his debts to me had become over 1.3M and I was not seeing any form of commitment on his part.

When I told him I cant continue, he said its because of money, he has not gone ahead for the marriage plans. I was desperate so I decided to sponsor the wedding plans. I gave him money to do introduction, everything about the traditional wedding, I was ready to pay. I booked cake, made our clothes, we had court wedding appointment, everything, just so we can get married.

The introduction went smoothly, but a few weeks to the traditional wedding, David told me he had fasted and prayed and God told him that I am not his wife. After almost two years of spending on your ministry and our wedding, its now you know I am not your wife. I almost gave up. I begged and begged and begged David. I knew I was humiliating myself but I was getting to 39 years, no husband, I was ready to do anything. But David abandoned me.

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I was miserable and depressed. I shut out everyone from my life. My 40th birthday, I attempted s**cide but God said no. That is how Bernard came back into my life. He understood what I had been through cos he too was in a dark place when his wife caught him cheating. He said he almost took his life too. That he has rededicated his life to God and he has started living right. Bernard would check on me day and night just to make sure I was ok.

Then last month, Bernard told me that he has been fasting and praying for me ….and God told him to marry me….that I am the wife that will restore him completely and in so doing, he too will restore me. You see….after what David did to me, I am tired of all these prophecies. But Bernard asked me to pray and let God show me if truly he is my husband. I have tried to pray and I can see myself being married to Bernard but two things are disturbing my mind

One: Bernard cheated on his ex wife….I used to believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. Do you think anyone who cheated can ever stop cheating? Bernard said he has changed and has not slept with any woman for three years now. Do you really think he is a reformed man? Secondly, Bernard says I have to stop wearing trousers and wearing make up cos he is a complete different man, a born again….and that he wants both of us to start afresh fully committed to God, without any worldly dressing, must not appear materialistic and must be pure and holy in her dressing.

With Bernard, I feel a certain peace and sense of safety but I don’t know if the two issues I mentioned will be a problem in our future. Can I truly change my lifestyle….no make up and trousers….no wearing of wigs or weavon…I do not believe trouser and make up is worldly but that is Bernard’s condition. As for Bernard, will he truly remain faithful as he has declared that he is reformed and truly born again? I need your advice on this matter. I am 41….I have made some bad decisions, I don’t think I can survive another bad decision….

I am tired of being a virgin…tired of being in the wrong relationship. My family and friends are tired too…no one talks to me…I am even staying away from them cos I am tired of their prying questions….as if something is wrong with me for being single and a virgin at this age…some believe I am too picky….some think I may die single and a virgin. Some of my friends have even advised me to go sleep with someone and have my child if no man wants to marry me.

So is this God’s way of giving me and Bernard a second chance or what does this mean?


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. You have to be sure of Bernard,you have to know what he really wants. What if his wife comes back? What if their daughter comes in between both of you?

    You need to be careful so you don’t regret marrying Bernard,I’m not sure he has repented from his cheating ways,he might just be using no makeup and trousers to cover up his cheating lifestyle,just watch him for sometime and don’t be desperate. You can still marry and give birth within 41-45 ,there is hope,okay.

    It is well


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