True Life Story: Love Or Lust Or Spiritual Attack-Which One Is Happening To Me?
Hi Lively Stones,
I am feeling very ashamed to share my story but I think I need a solution before this gets out of hand. I may have a spiritual problem, from the way I am looking at things, that is the only explanation for what I am experiencing in my life. I ask for mercy, please don’t insult me, I know I already made a mess, I am trying to make sense of everything and I need your help to do that.
My name is Kufre (not real name). Eight years ago, my ex got pregnant for me. The pregnancy was her way of trying to force me to marry her but I know there was no way we would marry cos the relationship was a very toxic one. We fought alot because she is very hot tempered. That is the only issue we had. Apart from that, she is nice, beautiful,s3xy and well employed.
This lady’s temper would rise anytime we have a disagreement. She would start breaking things everywhere, sometimes at me, she would bite me several times, she broke things. After doing all of these, her eyes will become clear and start begging. Initially, after three years of dating, I thought I could manage but I realized that she would never change. She said she inherited it from her mother.
At times, she would say she is trying to change but her next anger episode seemed more dangerous than the next. One time, I broke up with her, she came to my place and destroyed everything. Next, she went and bought everything back and started to beg. My family was very concerned and made it clear they would not consider her a worthy daughter inlaw. So she got pregnant. I was tempted to marry her but even the pregnancy was war. She then blamed her anger on the pregnancy hormones.
God gave us a son through that pregnancy. My mother had to take the child to raise him cos she is not capable of raising a child with her temperament. I travelled to the UK for my 2 years masters after. I met someone when I returned, I fell in love with her, today she is my wife. She is aware of my ex and my son and she has encouraged me to bring my son to come live with us when we have our own children so he can have siblings.
I love my wife but my ex has a hold over me. I am secretly sleeping with my ex. I know, that is wrong…trust me I know. But I can’t seem to be able to leave her permanently. She even says that. That I can never leave her cos we our souls are bound forever. I have asked her what she means by that…she will just smile. I do know her mother that she claims she got the anger problem from is a Juju priestess. I found out 2 years after dating her.
So, to me, the fact that I keep going back to her, despite the fact that I am married, must be something she has done spiritually, to hold me bound to her forever. Now, my wife is seven months pregnant. My ex is 3 months pregnant. I am so scared of my wife finding out. This situation is giving me panic attack everyday. My mother has been praying and praying.
Me too, I try to pray but am not really a religious person. I do not even know whether this is a spiritual influence or just my love for my ex. Sometimes, I think I am still in love with her. So, why should I be in love with someone who is not good for me? I do not know…I need to make sense of this. My wife is a good woman. I love her too. Is it possible to be in love with two women at the same time?
With my baby mama, sometimes also, I feel like if not for her anger issues, she would have been the love of my life. But she does not bring any form of stability. She is violent in her anger and she can pull me down with her. I do not want to be a woman beater…she drives me crazy both in love and both in anger.
Is this lust or love….or is this spiritual influence? I am very confused. Help me.
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