True Life Story: My Betrothed Wife Committed A Sacrilege-Pls Advise
Hello Lively Stones,
Please help me judge this matter. I am upset with my wife for what I considered as sacrilegious behavior. You know, I met her when I was working in my former company two years ago. She was a sales girl. It was love at first sight. I liked how she carried herself and she was such a pretty girl, any man would be lucky to have her.
We took to each other. She told me she was involved with someone but I told her I liked her alot. She later asked me if I want her to leave her lover for me. I told her I would be very happy if she can do that. I told her my intentions towards her is for marriage but being the first son of my family, I have responsibilities to my parents and younger ones so my target is to get married in the next 2 to 3 years but not immediately.
Jumoke (not real name) did not seem to mind. She later told me she broke up with her lover. She would spend time alot with me in my apartment. Later, out of curiosity, I asked her why she really left a lover that seemed better well to do than me to follow me. Truthfully, she opened up that the lover was a married man. That she was with him cos he was sponsoring her through part time school.
Jumoke left her married sugar daddy for me and decided to manage with me. I really felt she loved me that much. After a year, she moved in with me. It was easier for both of us cos of our work. I got a job elsewhere but she was still with that company as a sales girl. Jumoke got pregnant a few months after she moved in with me.
Her parents insisted that I have to come do introduction before she gives birth even though I am not financially ready for a wedding. We had our introduction. Since then, we have been working towards the traditional marriage and wedding. Eight months after my son was born, my wife’s father passed on. It was a very hard blow for her being the first child of the man.
The man’s burial was fixed for the next month but due to financial challenges, we asked for extension of the burial so that we can plan for the burial. My wife was very upset that I could not meet up financially for the burial. You know, as the first child, the expectation was that she would play a huge role in the burial. What was shared to her to pay for the burial contribution was N2.7M.
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There is no way I can come up with that kind of money. Since then, my wife started giving me attitude. Saying I am embarrassing her and her father’s spirit will not let her rest because she has not given him a befitting burial. I told her I need like 6 months to save for that kind of money. She wanted me to go and borrow from the bank but I refused.
How do I go and borrow over 2M to bury the dead? I told her that in the next six months, I will be able to save up to 1M so I can support her for the burial. Everyday was nagging from her since that day. It was like, my sweet wife changed to become very rude and nasty to me. Next thing, I started observing she would not let me touch her.
I began to get angry at her because its not like she does not know my financial situation before she agreed to marry me. I got angry and told her if this is her true behavior, maybe we should not go ahead with the marriage after her father’s burial. I promised to do what I can just to honor her father that gave me his marriage blessings before he dies but if my wife is going to be an unreasonable wife in marriage, then, we should reconsider the decision.
That angered my wife and she turned into something else. Before I knew it, she would come back late and sometimes as late as 1.40pm. she would say its traffic. And she wont let me have S** with her. One day, in my anger, I waited for her to come back around 10pm…I made sure she did not have her bath first, I quickly rushed her on the bed and pinned her down.
I put my hand forcefully in her private part and got the evidence that I needed. She had sperm in her private part. I demanded and explanation from her or I send her packing that night. I have never hit a woman in my life but I was so furious…I was not certain I could control my anger. Her younger sister living with us had to rush in and beg me to clam down.
To my surprise, my wife said the sister should not beg me because I am useless. That how do I call myself a man when I cannot stand up and give her money to bury her father. That she had to do what I could not do. She f*cked her married lover and the man has given her 1M for the burial. That with my 1M and the man’s one million, she can now go ahead with the burial of her father.
Did you hear what my wife said? She went back to her married lover and f*cked him….I was livid and almost beat her that night. I had to leave my house to my friend’s place to cool off. I called her mother and told her to expect her daughter back. I am no more interested in marrying. Clearly, marrying this woman will be a huge error on my part. She can continue f*cking her sugar daddy…I am done.
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My wife’s mother travelled to see me in Lagos the next day with her sister and she started begging me to forgive her daughter and remove shame from the family. That her dead husband would not forgive her if I send the daughter away. She succeeded in convincing my wife to apologize even though I don’t think the apology is from the heart. I am still furious.
How do I go on from here? Do you think this woman can change? It seems she likes money and she may not be patient with me to grow with me. Abi, she was with the sugar daddy before me…what is the guarantee that when things are tough, she wont run back to the guy. I pitied her mother and told her to give me some time to think about this.
Please I need your advise…should I still go ahead with this marriage or end it…maybe I should just wait until after the burial and end it. I still feel sad to even contribute to the burial. Its my hard earned money. Why waste it on someone that her loyalty is as feeble as opening her p**sy for any man with money? A married man for that matter…please what should I do?
Anonymous
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She was with her married lover for some reasons and she told you the reasons,right? You begged her to be with you and now you cannot live up to her expectation. Truth be told,as long she is with you and you cannot help her financially,she will always go back to her lover,so decide on what to do. You can’t cope with her as long as you are financially stable.
You have not paid a woman’s dowry,that’s why she has right to misbehave now.
You better decide ooo,the ball is in your court
Don’t go ahead with the marriage please
Your betrothed wife’s desperation for funds at the moment is borne out of the frustration to do as expected of her as the first child should for her father’s burial.
However, she told you about the married man and even broke up with him to be with you. And she understood your financial state then.This implies she loves you , however expects you should have out- lived that financial state by now.
Pardon me, but your union is not based on a solid foundation. i want to believe that when you pay her dowry , if she truly loves you and she sees a better effort from you to be better financially empowered, she will sit up and be focused.
On the flip side however, make up your mind that the faulty foundation may shake. Tis means she may always go back to the man.
So, are you ready to stand her going back to the married man becos she most likely might.
Aside the pressure of the funeral, She believes in you but she needs money to meet obligations and she can compromise to do that, she will just be smarter with cheating when you both are properly wedded. She may not stop , but she would only respect you by being more discrete and not feel as entitled as she is now.
Can you leave with that? can you control it? can you stand it?
Make up your mind.
Peace.
Dear poster, i understand how you feel, but trust me, she will be more smart with cheating when you guys get married, you can decide to abort the wedding plans for your mental health but if you feel you can endure much pain when married, you are free to go ahead with the wedding plans…peace bro…
This is a serious red flag, she knew your financial situation before agreeing to be with you, why can’t she be patient for you to give her the money. I won’t go ahead with the marriage
You have seen a very bright red flag and you are still asking the color?
If you are ready to live a lifetime with a cheating wife who can even have S** without protection putting you at a risk of contacting diseases and telling you to your face that it was because you couldn’t meet up with a financial obligation, then, you can go ahead and marry her.
Left to me, the 1m you intend gathering, use it to look start a Plan B business and for the upkeep of your son.
God has shown you a glimpse of what you will suffer in future and you are still asking if the future is gloomy
You have only done introduction, no need to continue, find out how to end it, then end it.
Whatever this means but ‘Her Father will not be angry with you’, if He were alive, He should be as half Her behaviour instead.
You don’t have to contribute towards the burial, better to invest that money in your Son and move on. Take care of your Son though.
There could be financial challenges in Marriage, she can always cheat again.
Serve God. No more s.x until you are properly married .
All the best