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True Life Story: My Fiancée Wants Me To Cut Off My Baby Mama Before Marriage

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True Life Story: My Fiancée Wants Me To Cut Off My Baby Mama Before Marriage

Good day lively stones,

I need ya’all take on my relationship matter. So, my ex and I have a daughter. We met several years ago. It was a situationship. It was love but she was not ready for any form of commitment. I admired her alot, she is sexy as f*ck. We just both had  different opinions on many subjects. Being someone well educated and exposed, she seemed to have very strong opinions about certain matters.

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I admired her but I did not think she was one to marry. She acts like a feminist. Any argument we had, she wanted to be right. I don’t like arguments…she used to drive me crazy. The only way we communicated a bit was through s3x. She would say things like no man can control her,etc.

Even in the s3x…she was into strange beliefs about s3x. She believed in open s3x. A few times, we stepped out and had s3x with other people. Then she got pregnant and said it was mine. I didn’t believe until the baby was born and I had a DNA to confirm it was mine.  Yes, we had the baby yet I was struggling with how I felt about her at the time.

ALSO READ: True Life Story: My Boyfriend Baby Mama Is Begging Me To Leave Him Alone

Eventually I broke up with her. Then she moved on to a new guy. But even with this guy, that has not prevented me and my ex from occasionally f*cking each other. It didn’t start immediately. Maybe like a year after. Then she got pregnant for the guy. They started having issues.

I don’t know the full details of their issues but I am sure it was about her personality. They quarreled so much, maybe he found out about her lifestyle and he broke up with her since she was five months pregnant. Then me and her continued. And once we started, we never stopped. Its like an off and on thing. She knows I see other people and she is not bothered. Like I said, marriage is not on her mind but I am getting close to 40 and I want to settle down.

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Now, there is a lady I am now in a serious relationship with for almost a year now. I love her very much. I have been talking to her about marriage but she knows about me and my ex and says she cannot marry me if I am still seeing my ex. Because of my ex, she has broken up with me a few times. I promise her not to sleep with my ex, she forgives me but I see myself going back again. She does not deserve this kind of treatment. She is a nice woman.

Now she has given me a final ultimatum to stop seeing my ex permanently.  If I really want to stop seeing my ex , then that means stop seeing my daughter too. That link with my ex is my weak point and she knows that. That is going to be difficult. I admit, my ex knows how to lure me with my daughter and most times, I fall for it. She knows my mumu button I swear.

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I have been thinking about how to break free of her. The only way seems like I have to cut off all forms of communication with her. And that means, including my daughter. Will I be a bad father if I stop communicating with my daughter? Maybe until she is old enough to come live with me whenever she wants?

I thought about filing for joint custody of my daughter but I feel like its a choice between my daughter and my fiancée …how do I sort this out?

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

4 COMMENTS

  1. Hello,

    Marriage is honourable, if you want to get married you should discuss your ‘weakness’ with your fiancé, your desire to remain in you daughters life as a responsible Father and ask her if it’s ok for her to accompany you anytime you want to see your daughter as a rule, promise never to go unaccompanied, then keep to the arrangement no matter what message you receive from her mum even if it means seeing your daughter outside her mums house.

    To break free from your daughters mum, keep yourself accountable to your fiancée e.g. allow her see your text and know what’s going on, don’t flirt with your baby mama. Don’t go seeking comfort from her either. Draw near to God for strength.

    Joint custody sounds like a good idea, speak with a lawyer.

    Stay faithful to whoever you marry.

    All the best

  2. You are close to 40,please learn how to be disciplined and also have self control over your body and the kind of decision you take or make.

    This is a serious matter which is suppose to be handled seriously,don’t be nonchalant about it. Take a stand and stop seeing your ex if you really want to marry,it is not about getting to 40,it is about being responsible enough to know what you want for yourself.

    Stop seeing your daughter for now,you can always talk to her via her mother’s phone,I mean for now. Always send her upkeep without seeing them,I mean for now. Remove any form of thought concerning her especially thought of sex,be focused,she is not ready for marriage and you are still going back to her,abi you one give her belle again?

    A person who got pregnant for another and the man left her is the same person you are still going back to,no be juju be that? Are you playing? What kind of playing is that?

    Your wife to be doesn’t deserve this treatment,you will continue this rubbish and loose her,na that time your eye go clear, yet you are close to 40.

    I rest my case……. Peace

  3. Uche is totally right.
    Being accountable and totally open to your fiance will help, I wish you had self discipline and not have to put your daughter in a situation where she has to be distant from her father.

    How will you explain to her in the future that it was your lack of self discipline that pushed you away from her? It is just wrong. Please work on yourself and build trust in your relationship, the best way right now is to follow Uche’s advice and rely on God for strength and your fiance for backup.

  4. Sir, be self-disciplined. Be serious with life. Remember that whatsoever you sowed, you will definitely reap. Get closer to God and ask Him to help you to overcome all your weakness (we all have)

    Cut off further closeness with your ex and focus readily on your fiancee.

    Take hold of the counsels given @Uche

    # Be courageous

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