True Life Story: My Wife And I Are Separated But I Miss Her So Much
Hi Lively Stones,
Please keep my details as anonymous. I am heartbroken because me and my wife have been separated for about four months, but I love her so much and miss her. What caused the separation really broke me but I want to share my story perhaps, I can begin to heal and maybe get advise that can help the marriage.
Personally, I do not think the marriage can be mended but if it be God’s will for us to come back, I don’t know let me share my story: I met my wife Blessing four years ago. A very beautiful woman, her smile captivated me that hot Saturday when I stepped into the phone shop to look for a phone to buy. She attended to me very well, I was instantly attracted to her.
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Of course I pursued her from that day until she agreed to be my girlfriend. I found out that Blessing is an orphan raised by someone she calls her spiritual guardians. From what she told me, this man and woman raised her when she came to work as house girl from the age of 9. They sent her to school and she considers them her parent. Infact, Blessing told me that she cannot marry anyone if ‘her parents’ dont approve. I met her adopted parents after a while and we hit it off quite well.
We got married two years later.Life was very beautiful. Everything I dreamed of, was coming into place….a wife….a good one and now….about to start my family. I did not bother myself when we did not get pregnant after the first year of marriage cos I know these things happen by the grace of God. By the second year….I was worried…my wife too was worried. We were advised to run tests.
So we went to the recommended specialists and they ran almost 7 tests that they recommended. Later, they recommended a uterus examination of my wife…and that was when they discovered that my wife had a ruptured womb. The doctors questioned my wife about any past abortions and she nodded her head. Meaning, she had abortion in the past. It was confirmed that those abortions were not done properly and they affected her womb very badly.
I was devastated. I became angry at Blessing and accused her of leading me on to marry her when she knows her womb is damaged and cannot give birth. Blessing cried and cried, saying she did not know her womb was damaged. I abused her and called her a whore. Our marriage was over, I told her to leave my house. Blessing pleaded for me to hear her story. I did not want to listen but I just gave her the benefit of doubt.
Blessing confessed how her guardians abused her since she was 10 years. The adoptive dad had S** with her until she hit puberty and got pregnant. Every time she got pregnant, the man sent her to a nurse in the neighborhood that did the abortion. By age 15, she had countless abortions. There was no one to protect her from the man. The man’s wife knew but did not care. This continued until she ran away from home are age 18.
Blessing stayed away from home for five years until she got information that the man was looking for her. The man was sick and dying. Revelation came that if he did not apologize to Blessing, he would die. Pressure from everyone made Blessing forgive the man. The man is allegedly changed but Blessing said she never knew her womb wad gone forever.
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After Blessing finished her story, I found the story to be unbelievable…sounded like something from a movie but unfortunately its true. I told her to still leave cos I cannot marry someone I can’t have children with. Its been four months, I miss my wife but I feel robbed of the opportunity of ever being a father if I marry Blessing. Yes, there is IVF and all those things but they are expensive and from the research I made, I cannot afford to do IVF. Even adoption is very expensive from what I found out. I am a young upcoming man…how do I handle this childless marriage?
My wife has suggested that try ‘local surrogacy‘….where I will sleep with someone that we will pay off, just to have a baby for us. I have never done anything illegal in my life before…..should I start now cos of children? Legal surrogacy is also expensive, costs from like 1.5M and above for the cheap ones. I have been praying to God to guide me on what decision to take…that is why I am writing this to Lively Stones for sound advise please. I feel sorry for Blessing.
Its not her fault but should I also bear the consequences of that evil man’s actions? And how can she even forgive him after all he did to her? If I ever reconcile with my wife….she has to stop seeing those wicked people as her parents. I even feel like reporting the man to the authorities but karma already got him….the man is battling an unknown ailment already,….just waiting to die one day.
I need your advise…I love my wife but I cant deal with this situation…is this a sign for us to go our separate way or can there every be a way to deal with the situation…ever. I am so angry…why has life dealt me such a big blow?
Anonymous
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I really feel sad reading your story and what happened to your wife. It’s quite unfortunate that she was a victim of circumstance. Her condition isn’t her fault.
I want you to feel her pain and accept that she didn’t wish herself this.
The first step is for both of you to know God intimately. Turn your lives to Him completely. He alone can do the impossible.
Then have faith in God that He has the final say. He alone can make that womb to carry babies again.
I know it’s not easy, but you need to believe in the impossible and it will become possible in your lives.
God will surely come through for you.
Shalom
Dear poster the primary importance of marriage is for companionship, childbearing is secondary.
Go get your wife,run as fast your legs can carry you,run now and get your wife wherever she is.
Yes,IVF, surrogacy, adoption are all expensive but you can plan towards it,you can save for 3years,you can start local savings (ajo),you and your wife,before you know it,it will get to the amount you need for whatever option you would prefer.
Stop getting angry for nothing,it was never her fault. This is the reason marriage counseling is important before marriage,all necessary test would be carried out including pregnancy test,if the woman is pregnant,no wedding. It is well
Marriage is for better or best,oya go and bring your wife back home.
This is sad.
The condition that your wife is experiencing came as a shock to her. She is a victim of circumstances.
She is in pains too.
Marrying Blessing could be orchestrated by God to help her.
If you still love her, consider an option that would favour both parties. Let love lead.
If there is no hope medically, then trust God with her and be each other’s support till a miracle happens.
If you feel that you can’t manage it, take a walk after a peaceful conversation.
You may love it but can’t handle the challenge now or in the future, hence end it now.
But, I will say that love tolerates, protects, and forgives. Let love leads.