True Life Story: This Woman Saved My Life But Is She The Right Woman For Me??
Hello Lively Stones,
I would like to share my predicament for the good people of this group to advise. There is someone in my life. I feel indebted to her for saving my life but I also think I am in love with her. But things are kinda complicated and I need advise….You see, I struggled through University and came out with a pass after two extra years. I am not dull but I don’t seem to pass like other people no matter how much I study. It took someone, a woman who saved my life….me a long time to realize that formal education is not for everyone.
I say this because, when I graduated with pass, I could not find a job so my parents asked me to do my Post Graduate Degree so I can improve my chances. They paid for everything but I was still struggling academically. I had to sort my way through PGD. But my final exams was tough especially my project. The lecturer was bent on giving me a tough time. I had an extra year. By this time, I was 30 years old. Unemployed and struggling with my PGD. I began to slip into depression.
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One day, I came out of the HOD’s office….I had received a tongue lashing from my project manager, and I felt like going to jump into a river or well and just end it all. The HOD’s secretary noticed I was walking like a zombie and she called my name. She called me like 5 times before I gained consciousness. This woman sat me down and began to counsel me. I just burst out crying and told her I was tired of life. So, after hearing my story, she said she will help me.
And she did help me. She got someone to help me write my project, she helped me with my mental health because I was already depressed. Things began to go well and I couldn’t help but feel God sent her to me. I spent alot of my time with her in the office and then she invited me to her house. This woman is a single mother of 4 children, her last child is in SS3. She is very attractive and very kind. She told me how she made some wrong choices in her life. Her four children have different dads. She said she was done with men taking advantage of her.
As things went on, we spent more and more time together and one day, we started sleeping with each other. She did not want that but I had no girlfriend and she is single and we both are going through difficult times in our lives. We bonded well. Because of her I was able to finally finish my PGD. I moved in with her. And I love her to death. Today, I am working as an Office Assistant in a company and with her, we started a business together. We opened a business centre on campus and I join her there in the evenings.
Now, I am 35 years old. My parents want me to get married. I am in love with this woman but they have refused to let us marry. They say she is older than me and has 4 children for different dads. They are not seeing how she saved my life. Funny thing is, this woman is refusing to marry cos she said she is done with men after 4 kids for different men. She does not want to have any more children and as a young man, I want to have my own children one day. My friends also laugh at me that I am with a cougar.
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So, I am confused on what to do. I feel I cannot do life without her but I also want to be a dad one day. She has encouraged me to date other people. In fact, she set me up with someone and we have been dating for about six months but me and this lady are still f*cking. Madam T is also very nervous and jealous anytime I am with the girl she set me up with. Its hard for her to be alone, she is also in love with me but she does not want to chain me down. She does not want to be the reason I cannot have my own child yet she and I cannot stop our feelings for each other.
I feel like who ever I am with, I will still be in in love with Madam Theresa (not her real name). I don’t want to cheat on my future wife. My current girlfriend is ok but I keep comparing her with Madam T…the s3x is different…Madam T gives mature s3x…its not just s3x…I have better conversations with Madam T…she knows me better than these young girls around. Young girls are too demanding…..but I cant help that I am in love with a woman older than me with 15 years.
I want a life with Madam T but I want children and she does not….my parents also refuse to accept that I can marry her. What advise do you have for me….to be able to move on from Madam T and focus on my future. My feelings for her will never go away because she is the only one who saw me when I was at my lowest and saved me. I feel like I will love her forever. Should I forget the dream of having my child to be with her …will that be enough for me or will I resent the idea in future….
Or maybe we should just remain lovers…Madam T is fine with that….but will my future wife be fine with that? Or maybe I should get a baby mama with someone while I remain with Madam T….my parents will probably h*te me, they think Madam T is using jazz on me….I don’t believe that but at least I will have a child and still be with the woman I love….Madam T is someone who supports me…I feel like without her…my life would crumble.
A friend of mine said to me that what I feel for madam T is gratitude and not love…that because I feel I owe her alot, I feel obligated to be with her. Is that true, because sometimes, I feel, if I leave her…she will be lonely and I don’t want her to be lonely. I also get jealous when I see other men near her? What is this feeling? Is it not love? Why do I feel nervous about loosing her too? Please tell me what I can do….
Anonymous
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Dear poster, madam T was there for you when no one was,she was there for you in your trying times,she helped you scale through school,thank God for bringing her your way when you needed someone to talk to.
This is the reality and you have to face it with your full chest. Leave madam T alone and move on, you’re still young and need to move on from her. Be reasonable enough to understand that you’re only being grateful for what she has done for you five years ago,please find a way to move on,you can succeed without her,don’t think you cannot stand alone without her,erase that impression from you.
I pray you realize what you’re doing to yourself on time before it becomes too late.
Udo
Your feelings for Madam T is valid. It’s normal to appreciate and maybe love people who showed you love and save your life at some point on life.
The heart might desire more but you must face reality.
Madam T doesn’t want any child bearing responsibility and demand. You won’t be enough with one child even if she accepts you today.
I will encourage you to start a life outside Madam T. End the cohabiting, start seeing her as a big friend and remain grateful. Train your heart to know you deserve more.
God use men to lift a man. God will use someone each time He wants to extend a hand but we can’t idolise them or build unnecessary life indebtedness.
She has kids to train tomorrow. You can focus to be wealthy to assist her in that area when the time comes but don’t make promises.
Try to build a relationship with another lady. You are capable of finding a woman that will love you and you will love her back.
You are a youngman and have life ahead. Your feelings, taste and priority might change tomorrow.
This is your best moment to take a step since she doesn’t want you too together. Love doesn’t imply that you must marry her. It could be to support her.
Move on.
Listen to yourself, you want a child n she doesn’t , that means you want to move forward and doesn’t want to go with you and she wants you to go cos she is ok with it. Do as she says get married n move on , u would get over it soon .
Madam T needs no children anymore. You are in need of children. From your post madam T even gave u the go ahead to mate with someone to give u child. Which shows madam T has appreciated your appreciation. I will advice u to move on strong. Get married ,have ur children and one day u celebrate madam T with ur children. BUT no sex oooo.
God be with u
What you feel for madam T is not love , it’s indebtedness. You have to fina a way to move on with your life.
Dating someone with children’can be challenging, and you need to be honest with yourself about whether or not you’re ready for that kind of commitment and issues around it. If the answer is “no,” that’s OK! It’s better to end things now before you get really involved because as it stands now she’s ready to let go and focus on her children as her priority.
I understand this poster because I have met some young men in this same situation
I also had a lady in this situation.
The lady was a widow with 6 children and a young man of 27 was in love with her
The lady told him from start….I am not looking to have any note children
The young man waited for 4 years for this lady to change her mind
Today…the lady is married to a retiree with grown children
Thing is….both of you are at different stages in your life
The love you share is real cos you both connected in a deep way
But….the situation is too tough and when you force yourself to stay with someone who doesn’t want children….then you become sad and resentful in future
You may want to have a baby mama but you may also want to have children in a loving family….baby mamas can be drama
If she really loves you…she would have made the sacrifice to have one more child at least with you…but who knows….maybe a woman with different baby daddies is not a woman who likes to be with one man for long….who knows….she may tire of you one day and what next?
Who knows…her baby daddies may still be in her life….can you deal with their drama?
Have you thought of how are you even going to support each other financially with many children?
There are too many what ifs…
You can’t stand other men with your lover and she can’t stand you with other women….what if she can’t stand seeing your baby mama?
You need to accept that you may love someone but sometimes you let them go because they are not God’s will for you
Work on standing in your feet
The business you do with her will not let you forget her so….untangle yourself from the business
Do something on your own
See her as a friend or mentor
Remove sex from it….the sex is messing with your brain
God used her to save you ….but she is not your life partner
You are young….take some time to date to find the right person for you
Leave young girls alone…face girls your age
There are mature young women of between 27 and 35 ready to settle down with a man who is ready to be faithful to them
You don’t have to have it all…just be a faithful and hardworking man.
Train yourself to be able to be financially stable and become financially independent.
There are skills that don’t need you to be Book smart
What do you like? You can be a skilled photographer or a chef or a media influencer or a real estate business man or a ANYTHING
You don’t have to be Book smart but you can be money smart
Attend trainings that boost your money making skills
Be confident…you are not dull…you are just differently smart
Speak words of Affirmation to yourself
You are going to be successful
God is with you…and difficulties you faced will not put you down.
All the best
Routing for you
….
Hello Sir, don’t Blame your parents. *You alone have the details of the kind of emotional torture and mental stress you are dealing with* , You alone understand how much what the woman did for you mean to your life.
Truth is if it was your own son , you would also stand against him . Fact.
So your parents are only seeking what is best for you. You can’t marry that woman, you need to find someone else, now this doesn’t mean neglect the woman, I think the way I see it , your gratitude for her is like a lifetime something.
Now here is where I think the problem is : you said
_”not just s3x… *I have better conversations with Madam T* …she knows me better than these young girls around.”_
You find young ladies you are meeting very shallow, you find it hard to express yourself with them, cos they don’t care about those things. With this Madam however, you can discuss life and take advice.
In that case, Maybe you need to find a Lady that can connect with you, someone you can discuss, take advice, Share opinions, discuss life with. I know your age is the problem, you are 35 and if I must be honest to search for this kinda woman in young ladies can b hard, you don’t have much time. But Sir, that’s what you have to do. Secure your future.
Madam has make many mistakes and *learn from them*. Hence why she sounded mature. But this mistakes won’t help your own life. They will come for you harder and Pierce you. think about it, think about the Father’s of her children, think about how those children will never rate you above their biological Father even if he is a deadbeat. No matter how kind you are, those men will always take the first place in those kids life. You don’t need this mental stress as you approach your old age.
Inasmuch as I like the fact that you’re appreciative of what madam T did for you, I would advise you take her advice! Move away from her, that’s the only way you can move forward and have your own family! She’s human! She’ll be jealous of any woman around you, MOVE FAR AWAY from her.