True Life Story: Why My Husband Thinks Our Marriage Is Boring
Good evening, Mama Lively Stones,
To be honest, I am shaking as I am talking to you….I do not even know if this is something I will not regret confessing. But because of the story from yesterday, (CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP WITH YERSYERDAY’S STORY) I feel like I can connect with the man’s wife. The wife that likes someone abusing her when having s3x. I can relate because that is my situation. I was abused by my stepfather all through my secondary school.
My stepfather started sleeping with me from age 13 to age 17 years. And he would make me believe he was doing it because he loved me. I genuinely believed he loved me. He cared for me, my mother did not love or care for me, he gave me money, I was his favorite among the children…everyone knew I was the favorite, they praised him for loving another man’s child cos my parents separated when I was a baby…what people did not know that the love between me and my stepfather was s3xual.
This was our secret until my mom also separated from him and I had to leave his house with my mom. My mom never showed me any form of love….the only love I experienced as a child was from my SF. But till date, I still regard him as my father. People think its because of how he cared for me but its deeper than that…my stepfather and I are actually in love…all through my adult life,….any man I been with, can never compare with my love for my stepfather. I have NEVER had an orgasm with any man except my SF…..
The truth was, since he was the one that disvirgined me and because he taught me all I know about s3x, which is very similar to that lady’s own, no other man can make me wet from s3x than my stepfather. Its like a curse…but I am not sure its a curse…I did not know anything was wrong with me until I got married and with kids but I have never had an orgasm with my husband. I realized its not the same as with SF…I miss those days with my stepfather but I try my best to put those days behind me.
When I am with my husband….I do not enjoy s3x with him at all…he is not near experienced like the person who raised me in s3x….so instead of complaining, I just lie there and let my husband just release….I do not even fake orgasm…I just stay there like a log…then I get up and go and pleasure myself after (without my husband knowing) ….and as I am pleasuring myself…I am imagining that my SF is there….choking me, whiping me, slapping me…that has been my way of escape for many years and it has worked so far until now.
Now, our marriage s3x life is completely dead…my husband is cheating on me with someone. I have evidence….I see his chats,etc…he does not hide it cos he thinks I am not interested in s3x.He complains to his side chics and his friends that his marriage is dead….that his wife is dead sexually….that for the past two years…I do not love him and he too does not love me again….that if he does not ask for s3x…I do not bother him…that he cannot be forcing himself to marry to a dry and dead woman.
One or two of our close friends have tried to find out why I seem not to be interested but I find it hard to tell them…I just tell them nothing is wrong but that is not true….I am wondering if I will ever be sexually attracted to my husband ever again…that is why it feels like a curse….and I do not blame my husband for getting tired with such a boring marriage…its the way I have been programmed psychologically…no man interests me or ignites my s3xual power the way SF did.
In the early days of our marriage, I did not even notice…my husband used to complain but I blamed my lack of interest in s3x on being too tired from work or chores. This continued until I could not pretend anymore…I just did not bother…if my husband was in the mood…he just touch me…do his thing and leave me alone…I just did not bother….I felt he did not love me and he too felt I did not love him….that was when the cheating started.
My fear is, what if these side chics take my husband away finally from me? I sometimes fear my husband may divorce me cos of this…that thought scares me but I do not know how to tell him of my past without being judged for sleeping with my SF for many years. That woman in the story yesterday is brave for telling her husband that she wants s3x in an abusive manner….see how the husband has judged her without understanding her…what will happen to me if I also confess to my husband.
And if I do not tell anything to my husband…very soon, or in the near future…my marriage may eventually be over. That is why I am shaking…to someone like me…the only thing I enjoy about s3x is when its done the way my SF taught me….to others…its the weird and abusive way…but I do not see it as abusive…its like I find love in my abuser to some people….if I say that to someone like my husband….he may think I am crazy…so what can I do?
The woman from yesterday may be ready to leave her marriage cos of this but I wonder if I can save my marriage…I have a problem and I need advice…
Do you have a story to share? Do you need to speak directly to a counsellor? We want to help you . Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org or Whatsapp +2348029870309