HomeAdviceTrue Life Story: Why My Husband Thinks Our Marriage Is Boring

True Life Story: Why My Husband Thinks Our Marriage Is Boring


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True Life Story: Why My Husband Thinks Our Marriage Is Boring

Good evening, Mama Lively Stones,

To be honest, I am shaking as I am talking to you….I do not even know if this is something I will not regret confessing. But because of the story from yesterday, (CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP WITH YERSYERDAY’S STORY) I feel like I can connect with the man’s wife. The wife that likes someone abusing her when having s3x. I can relate because that is my situation. I was abused by my stepfather all through my secondary school.

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My stepfather started sleeping with me from age 13 to age 17 years. And he would make me believe he was doing it because he loved me. I genuinely believed he loved me. He cared for me, my mother did not love or care for me, he gave me money, I was his favorite among the children…everyone knew I was the favorite, they praised him for loving another man’s child cos my parents separated when I was a baby…what people did not know that the love between me and my stepfather was s3xual.

This was our secret until my mom also separated from him and I had to leave his house with my mom. My mom never showed me any form of love….the only love I experienced as a child was from my SF. But till date, I still regard him as my father. People think its because of how he cared for me but its deeper than that…my stepfather and I are actually in love…all through my adult life,….any man I been with, can never compare with my love for my stepfather. I have NEVER had an orgasm with any man except my SF…..

The truth was, since he was the one that disvirgined me and because he taught me all I know about s3x, which is very similar to that lady’s own, no other man can make me wet from s3x than my stepfather. Its like a curse…but I am not sure its a curse…I did not know anything was wrong with me until I got married and with kids but I have never had an orgasm with my husband. I realized its not the same as with SF…I miss those days with my stepfather but I try my best to put those days behind me.

When I am with my husband….I do not enjoy s3x with him at all…he is not near experienced like the person who raised me in s3x….so instead of complaining, I just lie there and let my husband just release….I do not even fake orgasm…I just stay there like a log…then I get up and go and pleasure myself after (without my husband knowing) ….and as I am pleasuring myself…I am imagining that my SF is there….choking me, whiping me, slapping me…that has been my way of escape for many years and it has worked so far until now.

ALSO READ: Helpless-My Marriage Is About To Break Up Because Of Orgasm. Pls Advise

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Now, our marriage s3x life is completely dead…my husband is cheating on me with someone. I have evidence….I see his chats,etc…he does not hide it cos he thinks I am not interested in s3x.He complains to his side chics and his friends that his marriage is dead….that his wife is dead sexually….that for the past two years…I do not love him and he too does not love me again….that if he does not ask for s3x…I do not bother him…that he cannot be forcing himself to marry to a dry and dead woman.

One or two of our close friends have tried to find out why I seem not to be interested but I find it hard to tell them…I just tell them nothing is wrong but that is not true….I am wondering if I will ever be sexually attracted to my husband ever again…that is why it feels like a curse….and I do not blame my husband for getting tired with such a boring marriage…its the way I have been programmed psychologically…no man interests me or ignites my s3xual power the way SF did.

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In the early days of our marriage, I did not even notice…my husband used to complain but I blamed my lack of interest in s3x on being too tired from work or chores. This continued until I could not pretend anymore…I just did not bother…if my husband was in the mood…he just touch me…do his thing and leave me alone…I just did not bother….I felt he did not love me and he too felt I did not love him….that was when the cheating started.

My fear is, what if these side chics take my husband away finally from me? I sometimes fear my husband may divorce me cos of this…that thought scares me but I do not know how to tell him of my past without being judged for sleeping with my SF for many years. That woman in the story yesterday is brave for telling her husband that she wants s3x in an abusive manner….see how the husband has judged her without understanding her…what will happen to me if I also confess to my husband.

And if I do not tell anything to my husband…very soon, or in the near future…my marriage may eventually be over. That is why I am shaking…to someone like me…the only thing I enjoy about s3x is when its done the way my SF taught me….to others…its the weird and abusive way…but I do not see it as abusive…its like I find love in my abuser to some people….if I say that to someone like my husband….he may think I am crazy…so what can I do?

The woman from yesterday may be ready to leave her marriage cos of this but I wonder if I can save my marriage…I have a problem and I need advice…


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. I would like to correct an impression about what you read from yesterday’s story. The woman didn’t mention if she was ever abused in any way, so let’s not conclude on her matter,apart from being abused sexually while growing up,it might be she loves sex that way which is called BDSM.

    You were just 13 when your SF started having carnal knowledge of you…… You weren’t matured then,as a 13year old,why didn’t you report to your mum even though she didn’t love you according to you,was it because he was giving you money that was why you kept quiet for him to abuse you from 13-17 years,he abused you for 4years and you kept quiet all because he was giving you money.

    My advice for is to see a therapist,you have been abused as a child both sexually, mentally, psychologically, physically, spiritually and socially. Is this actually a curse? I don’t think so….

    * See a therapist
    * You need to pray,pray for yourself,your mental health and your marriage, your marriage needs to work,it doesn’t matter what might have happened in the past.
    * Don’t tell your husband please,he might not be able to handle it,he is already cheating on you,so no need. Every spirit that your SF must have deposited in you while he abused you when you were a little girl is destroyed by fire,this should be your prayer point henceforth.

    Do not believe your marriage is boring all because your husband said so,you need to wake up and do something before another woman takes your place,not giving your husband his sexual needs is not an excuse oooo,you need to give him you

  2. i really felt pity and sympathy for you on reading thro.
    Letting it out here i believe its half way solved, alhough I really dont know what to give as advise, but hope is not lost once you are ready to be helped. No need telling your Hubby so you dont compound the problem.
    But for all those going thro such, please see a therapists.
    Also, i wont be tired of saying some issues require fire prayers, spiritual controls the physical.

    please join NSPPD prayers (By pastor Jerry Eze) on youtube oR facebook every daY from mon-fri.
    7am- 9am.
    If youre consistent there, you ll get your solution.
    It will be well. your home will be restored in the name of jesus.

    • In addition, please note that your Step -Father is a criminal! he is not your champion . Forget about the money or the attention he manipulated you with as a child .
      you shouldnt put him any exalted position in your llfe. That is the first step of liberating yourself.
      infact you should have legal action taken against him for messing you up as a child instead of being a role model..
      if you have the clout, you should explore NGOs or means of making him pay for his atrocities .ThOSE werent love, nothing is sane about your experience with him .
      Please, free yourself from the thought. Your therapists will tell you more.


  3. I don’t really understand why u ladies are one sided sometimes when it comes to your gender being involved, it’s somehow biased…

    Dear poster I understand u really love your husband and want things to work out, I will advice u see a therapist and also come out clean with your hubby, if he’s understanding and loving he will help u out…you can start by talking out things with him, rekindle your love with him, when he’s more relaxed and open, then u can let the cat out of the bag, talk to him calmly that u didn’t intend to push him away, if he’s loving he will surely come around….then you go to God in prayers, there’s nothing God cannot do…I really appreciate u coming here to open up, u really have it in mind to change, God will see you through, it is well dear….

  4. Madam, please in anything you do in correcting this physiological problem you are going through, as much as you know you aren’t ready to let your husband go , don’t tell him until you are sure he can take it and won’t leave you.. Not all men are wired in a way of staying in situations like.. Majority will leave you plus the fact that your marriage is almost loveless.
    Please pray and try to teach your husband how you want it


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